General Heartbroken

[jessika]

I was with my girlfriend for 7 months. I knew going into the relationship that she had been through some things but didn't know she had ptsd until later.

Well her family drugged her and had her raped while on the drugs (she would be paralyzed in her sleep) as well as had cameras recording these things. She told me she contracted herpes from this but didn't tell me about that until two months into the relationship. (We are gay) and she let me give her oral for two months. I already loved her and she told me she never had an outbreak during those two months. Despite that I still loved her through that and she has no family to help her so I helped her with a lot of things like money and a ride and things like that.

The last month or two she became paranoid. Thinking I was in contact with her family and that they were paying me to set cameras up in my home and drug her and things. I would never do that! If I scratched my nose she thought it was a signal for something, if I looked into a corner she thought I was looking at a hidden camera. She always pointed out reasons she thought I was doing something to her, never thought of the good things I had done or facts that would let her know I wasn't. Like I loved her even after the herpes thing and tried to show her I love her a lot. And she thought I was drugging her I told her that anytime she sleeps she has been able to get up and go to the bathroom and get a snack or whatever during the middle of the night. I also told her I wouldn't want cameras in my home because I have two small nieces who visit often and get naked for baths and wouldn't want people watching that and as well as myself. I even set my alarm for every fourty five minutes at night so I could wake her up let her see the time and see that she had a clear mind and wasn't being drugged.

I told her I loved her and would do anything to prove I wasn't trying to harm her and that I'd wait on her to get better and was always there for her.

Well two days ago she left my house and split up with me. I'm so devastated and feel betrayed because she hurt me. What can I do? What should I do? Do I let her go or fight for her? It was like the harder I tried to show her my love, the more she thought I was plotting something. Before this , things were good and I hate losing her.

I'm only 21 and she's 25. Do I even need someone who thinks that about me or should I move on? Please give your advice and thoughts as I don't want to tell people she knows about her problems

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi Jessica, it sounds like she was deluded. I am a caregiver for my husband who has parkinsons and lewy body dementia. His delusions have him thinking I am stealing money from our checking account. I will have to say that you need to take care of yourself right now. She has left and broken things off. There really is not anything you can do to get her back.

Mabe she is having a nervous breakdown. Unless you have her durable power of attorney there is not much you can do.

My heart goes out to you. Please take good care of you and build your life back up. I am sad that this is happening to you now. I hope for your healing. Take good care of you.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Regarding her paranoia, it is paranoia based on what has been done to her. Sometimes with PTSD experiences are re-lived as if they are happening now, rather than a 'normal' memory, which is recalled with an awareness that it is in the past.

I understand it's hard, but try not to take it personally. You sound like you have been very caring,

It may simply be that she has not come far enough in dealing with her trauma to be able to cope with an intimate relationship.

If she is finding that the situation triggers the thoughts and fears that you describe, then she probably does need to remove herself from the situation. It will give her the best chance of bringing her mind back to the here and now.

I know it can seem like a selfish decision to the partner of someone with PTSD. But from my own experience, I had to have the space to bring my mind back to the present enough to be able to seek help.

The problem is, that to be able to ask for help or communicate effectively we need a working mind. When the mind stops working properly, it takes away the ability to work out how to handle the situation.

I hope that telling you this will help to ease any hurt you feel because of her actions. It's not your fault, or hers, it is a sad part of having PTSD.

I hope that you will both find your healing and get your lives back.

 

[jessika]

Thank you gizmo . That is great advice. I'm sorry about your husband as well and I'm not glad someone is going through something similar but glad. I can find someone to relate to. This is a horrible thing for both of them and I just pray she gets help and is happy no matter what. I'll pray for your husband as well! Thank you for the advice!

 

[jessika]

Thanks meadow, I'm praying for her recovery, however, I'm not the only one she thinks this about. She thinks other people are out to get her too. I begged her to get help. But I'm praying for her and I see what you're saying about it's best for her? Do you think once she's clear headed again she'll realize that she was wrong about me? I always told her I know and god knows that I'm not like that! Thanks for your advice

 

[Meadowsweet]

Yes I think she will realise that it is her paranoia and not you.

But then she might be faced with the fear of being triggered again, so it might be hard for her to come back.

But we are all different.

 

[jessika]

Well she had gotten off her medicine and that's when it started. I hope she does realize though, no matter what happends between us, that I'm not that type of person.

Whether we get back together or not I just pray she realizes that I'm not that kind of person. I don't want anyone to think I'm capable of doing those things.

 

[OneWoman]

Dear Jessica,
I'm sorry to hear you are having such a horrible time. It is a sad story on both sides. If you ask me I think you should move on with your life now though. You have to alot of love to give so save it for somebody that will accept it for what its worth.