Supporter Hello All. Supporting Wife With Ptsd, Need Support Myself.

[Nathan R]

Hi. I was on here before, now I'm back again. My wife is a paramedic, and developed PTSD with Psychotic Features. She was depressed for months, but hid it from me, and had a Psychotic break. In one moment, her personality completely changed. She refuses therapy and treatment, and refuses to talk to me. She transferred all the depression, anger, and despair on to me, even though we had a very loving and supportive marriage for years. She bears no resemblance to the wonderful, sweet woman I married. Now, she is cold, angry, hateful, and spiteful, and blames me for things that I had no knowledge of. There are no support resources locally, and the ambulance service refuses to acknowledge it. It has been the most difficult time of my life, and it is incredibly difficult to be supportive. I am alone in this battle with a disorder.

 

[ZebraWestie]

IT seems true that we hurt those we love most during difficult times. It sounds like you could both do with support and understanding/recognition.
There is support on these boards and maybe also closer to you. Any friends/family/local mental health/doctors? I'm sorry

 

[Aloneinfear]

I feel that way now. I feel like no one understands me and will not talk to me about it. I feel like they think it wasn't a big ordeal, and maybe I'm just over exaggerating.( I was robbed) the only person in my life who I thought would understand was my husband. But he's not listening. I told him I couldn't sleep last night and he told me to count sheep. I know he was joking but he doesn't get that I'm depressed. I feel ugly and helpless and afraid. Maybe I just want him to hold me and tell me everything's going to be OK, he'll protect me.
I want to push him away because I feel like he's not helping. No one can help me.

 

[Nathan R]

Yes, we do hurt the ones closest to us. I have tried desperately to get her to get help, but she either doesn't realize how drastically she has changed, or won't face it and wants to run from it. She did admit that she has PTSD, but absolutely refuses to get any support, treatment, or therapy. She is afraid that she may lose her job or appear weak. I'm just afraid she might hurt someone in the ambulance, or have another Psychotic break when faced with another bad call or life or death situation. She has moved out, disappeared, and will not speak to me. I pray to God that she will have a moment of clarity and see what has happened to her before it is too late. I have exhaustingly researched all possible local resources for support, including the ambulance service, to no avail.

 

[Nathan R]

Please, say what needs to be said. Don't hold your feelings in. I asked my wife all the time how she was, if she was OK, but because of a simple, small misunderstanding, she quit talking about the really bad stuff that was bothering her. Then it built up to the breaking point. Talk to your husband. Tell him itbis real, tell him exactly how you feel, and make him understand that this chain of events and reactions only leads to a bad outcome. I wish my wife had yelled and screamed at me. I wish she had so I would have had some sort of communication, and could have caught this earlier. Bless you....

 

[Nathan R]

He may not REALIZE how big it is. My wife expected me to read her mind, And I wish I could have. Don't hold anything against him until he is full informed, and understands the situation. Don't assume he does know what is really happening. My wife "wore a mask" but still expected me to know what was going on. It is impossible.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Welcome to the forum!!

 

[Nathan R]

@Ghostybear73 Thank you!

 

[Nathan R]

Thanks!

 

[intothelight]

@Nathan R Welcome to the forum!

Read all that you can and learn as much as you can about PTSD. Also, understand that no one can force another person to make a choice and it is up to your wife to seek help and treatment when she is ready. However, it is also your choice how you will handle when or if she will get treatment. It is important that you do what you need to in order to take care of yourself.

I can only speak from personal experience as it was so hard to know that something was wrong, but also to be able to function "normally" most of the time. I could put on a front and go through the day, but inside it was so dark and confusing and absolutely nothing felt safe. I did lash out at my own family as they were telling me what was wrong with me and wanting to get help, but in hindsight I think the thing I needed to hear most was that they loved me and would be there for me as we went through this together.

All I can say is just be there, but don't let yourself be treated badly. It is a fine line and difficult as there are stages in this disorder where it is a matter of minute to minute survival and it is hard to look beyond yourself at that point. Also keep in mind that none of us are the people "we were" as life changes everyone and the goal should be to be the best version of ourselves possible.

 

[The Albatross]

Welcome Nathan, very sorry to read about the events but glad you are here for support.

 

[Livy's Mom]

Welcome to the forum Nathan. I am so sorry you are going through this and can empathize very very much to your story and understand how hard this time is for you. Many of us here are currently going through it or have been through it multiple times.

It can feel like you are very much alone in the fight. Sometimes I feel I am the one living in another world because nobody else including my ex(??) seems to think there is anything unusual happening here!

That is what is so great about this forum. You are definitely not alone. I'm here typically once a day just to do my own sanity check and reassure myself that I'm doing the best I can for my family.

I hope you find what you need here