Hello - Diagnosed From Childhood Trauma

[MeKat]

I was diagnosed with PTSD from childhood trauma about 2 weeks ago.
Though the events were 30 years ago, I recently suffered a new trauma that triggered a sudden explosion of symptoms.
My Therapist is very thorough and sent me to a neurologist before beginning treatment. My brain scan is scheduled for Thursday. (2 days from now.)

I have always had generalized anxiety, unexplained phobias, paranoia, and food issues, but I always thought I was just high strung. After reading about PTSD and GAD I feel like for the first time ever I finally can do something like everyone else.

 

[MeKat]

I guess I should specify that my childhood trauma was emotional abuse and neglect.

 

[elikai]

Welcome - I'm glad that you can finally make sense of some things now.
What is your neurology appt going to result in? I mean why are they doing it? I'm intruiged.

 

[MeKat]

Because my symptoms (Panic attacks, depression, full body pain) were so sudden, they want to make sure it's all in my head and not some organic brain disease.

I had two hallucinations that are not connected to anything in my life.

 

[MeKat]

Actually I have a really hard time with the PTSD diagnosis because I am so very detached from my childhood. It's like it happened in a movie I saw a hundred years ago. I feel nothing when I think about it.
When I think about PTSD I think "My childhood wasn't that bad. It's wasn't like combat and I didn't have to kill anyone to stay alive."

Then I realize how very sick my biological father is. I haven't seen him since I was 12 and the last time I talked to him (7 years ago) he didn't know who I was. He can't remember I'm his kid. I'm guessing he's undiagnosed schizophrenic, based solely on the way I remember him acting.
My mother was diagnosed Bi-Polar (back when it was Manic Depressive) before I was born and spent most of my life self medicating with valium, diet pills, alcohol, sex, and shopping. She died 7 years ago (reason I had to talk to my father) from an intentional drug overdose.

I'm still learning and accepting that neglect is a very real form of abuse.

 

[MeKat]

Never mind. I can talk to myself without a computer.

Just go back to playing with your little spammer.

 

[Dylan]

Hi MeKat,

Welcome to the forum.

It sounds as though (from your post here and the one re: What is Hypervigilance) you are really triggering right now (maybe some fear and pain triggers when feeling ignored or not being accepted or something like that coming up...?).

It can take some time to get feedback on posts and, since you're new and asked "What is hypervigilance?" one person offered a definition, possibly thinking that you truly were looking for a real definition.

I can relate to childhood seeming so distant (my issue is C-PTSD from chronic survival threat [from my primary caregiver] from childhood). It can take awhile to get to the feelings, but in the meantime, working on dealing with triggering, etc. can be helpful, too. I also relate to the minimizing and frustration. Once I got so angry about my symptoms I told my counselor, "It's not like I was chained in a basement!"

Hang in there, MeKat.

Dylan

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

MeKat -

I also have C-PTSD from childhood abuse. I do understand how you feel and have personally received wonderful feedback from this forum. One thing that I learned early on - is that I am not on this forum during the same timeframe as most other members (time zone differences and I don't come on in the evenings when I am at home with my family) - often I do not receive responses until the next day due to this.

I hope that you will give this forum a try - but regardless, I hope even more that you can find the assistance you are seeking and need.

 

[Momma Kitty]

I had a cat scan once after my first husband died. The stress of his death affected me physically plus began the triggers of my abused childhood. They found I had a thinning of the (pardon my spelling) cellathursica? It is something in the center connected to the pituitary? That was almost 25 years ago. It was the beginning of a long life dealing with physical issues related to stress.

 

[Spacechic]

Gday Mekat,

I am not diagnosed C-PTSD.. but my trauma is from childhood.. guess they don't use that term here in Oz. Mental illness is in my family of origin, but I won't go into that ..just not ready.
From what I have read on the forum there are quite a number of us C-PTSD folks about.

I hope to catch you around the forum.

Spacey