J
Julesverne
Hello,
My name is Juliet and I am originally from upstate New York. I have lived in California for just over a decade now.
I am turning 35 next month and have PTSD issues that relate back to my mother's suicide when I was 9 years old. My mother had schizophrenia so my life wasn't that great before her death. I learned a lot of fears before her death and actually felt a relief when she was gone. However, i never knew that i didn't properly deal with her death and my instilled fears.
I was not blessed with a nice step-mother, but more one who was jealous of any time i spent with my father.. She is also very passive agressive and would create problems for me and my younger siblings when she wasn't ignoring us. I thought i was alright because i kept myself busy with lots of school and learning to be a better person, lots of work, lots of exercise, and distraction. I've been on my own since I was 18 and have had many minor traumatic incidents that have happened over the years, and i thought i successfully worked thru them all, but i was wrong. They only added to my issues.
It wasn't until a few years ago that i began to struggle and have problems. The better my life became, the more awkward i felt. The more i thought i didn't deserve to be happy and felt guilty. I had trouble functioning and wanting to get out of bed, even for the things that i would normally be excited about. I used to be able to just man-up and push through the tough times. I can still get through the tough times, but i have trouble with the good.
I'm here on this site because I want to learn more about how to help myself. I am seeing a therapist and journaling etc., but there is something more that I get out of knowing i'm not the only one struggling this way. I used to be such a go-getter, money maker, helper of others, and people would tell me i was the strongest person they knew. Now, i don't recognize myself and I struggle to do things that used to come so easy. This is where i felt some comfort in reading about military individuals, they are as strong as i used to feel and they go thru the same thing. I know my life isn't as hard as theirs may have been, but knowing they can hurt like i do makes me feel a little more normal and not so embarassed.
My name is Juliet and I am originally from upstate New York. I have lived in California for just over a decade now.
I am turning 35 next month and have PTSD issues that relate back to my mother's suicide when I was 9 years old. My mother had schizophrenia so my life wasn't that great before her death. I learned a lot of fears before her death and actually felt a relief when she was gone. However, i never knew that i didn't properly deal with her death and my instilled fears.
I was not blessed with a nice step-mother, but more one who was jealous of any time i spent with my father.. She is also very passive agressive and would create problems for me and my younger siblings when she wasn't ignoring us. I thought i was alright because i kept myself busy with lots of school and learning to be a better person, lots of work, lots of exercise, and distraction. I've been on my own since I was 18 and have had many minor traumatic incidents that have happened over the years, and i thought i successfully worked thru them all, but i was wrong. They only added to my issues.
It wasn't until a few years ago that i began to struggle and have problems. The better my life became, the more awkward i felt. The more i thought i didn't deserve to be happy and felt guilty. I had trouble functioning and wanting to get out of bed, even for the things that i would normally be excited about. I used to be able to just man-up and push through the tough times. I can still get through the tough times, but i have trouble with the good.
I'm here on this site because I want to learn more about how to help myself. I am seeing a therapist and journaling etc., but there is something more that I get out of knowing i'm not the only one struggling this way. I used to be such a go-getter, money maker, helper of others, and people would tell me i was the strongest person they knew. Now, i don't recognize myself and I struggle to do things that used to come so easy. This is where i felt some comfort in reading about military individuals, they are as strong as i used to feel and they go thru the same thing. I know my life isn't as hard as theirs may have been, but knowing they can hurt like i do makes me feel a little more normal and not so embarassed.
