Sufferer Hello Everyone - Ptsd Again

[SaySomething]

I was diagnosed with PTSD a long time ago (7 or 8 years ... time flies). Since then, I've seen numerous doctors and therapists, and I've been hospitalized a couple times. Like lots of sufferers, my symptoms seem to ebb and flow. When times are good, I tend to drop out of therapy, mostly because of the expense. I just had a relatively symptom free year, up until a month ago. Now I'm back in therapy, and my current Nurse Practitioner (who prescribes my psych meds in place of a psychiatrist) wants me to try ECT, or electroshock therapy. When she mentioned it, I just sat in her office, staring into space with tears rolling down my face. My rational mind knows she wasn't attacking me and it can be a legitimate treatment, but I felt absolutely stunned and terrified. Nobody has ever suggested this to me in the past. And I don't want to do it. But I am scared that she'll label me as "difficult" or "non-compliant" if I voice my strong aversion to this treatment. Has anybody done ECT?

Meanwhile, every day is a struggle. My anxiety has gotten so bad that I can barely force myself to leave the house. And I don't like to take anxiety meds (I've been prescribed Klonopin) because I feel like I NEED to be constantly on guard. I don't sleep well, and now my immune system is wearing down because I get every virus and bacterial infection that's floating around. It's so frustrating. On top of all this, I also have lupus and Type 2 diabetes. When one of them gets bad, they ALL seem to get bad.

I KNOW this is just a rough patch. I've been through them in the past, and I'll get through this one, as well. I'm just so tired of it. It is hard to think straight and make good choices in this state. I came here to remind myself that I'm not alone. I have a great husband and a beautiful son, so I'm not literally alone, and I know how fortunate I am. But ... they just don't understand how this feels.

Thanks for giving me an outlet to talk here.

 

[arfie]

Hi SaySomething. Welcome to the forum. Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

No, you are not alone. Even when my husband and beautiful sons do understand how it feels, outside support has been critical in my own healing journey. It takes a network. I have been through enough relapses that I have learned to maintain my network, even when I am symptom free. I have come to think of it as my spiritual maintenance. Kinda like self-care for the psyche.

Hope you can turn this "rough patch" into a healing opportunity, SaySomething. I have never tried the ECT, but I am glad you are willing to consider it. Willingness to open myself new possibilities has been important in my own healing. I always reserve the right to express my doubts and question deeply but the willingness to consider new ideas helps my stubborn symptoms.

Welcome.

 

[Springer80]

my current Nurse Practitioner (who prescribes my psych meds in place of a psychiatrist) wants me to try ECT, or electroshock therapy. When she mentioned it, I just sat in her office, staring into space with tears rolling down my face. My rational mind knows she wasn't attacking me and it can be a legitimate treatment, but I felt absolutely stunned and terrified. Nobody has ever suggested this to me in the past. And I don't want to do it.

I'm not surprised you don't want to do it. It's sounds scary as hell! And as for 'exploring' it, well, it's not like you get to try it and then reverse the effects after if you decide it wasn't the best decision after all.

Anyway, even if my idea of ECT is outdated, I don't think you sound like your in a fit state to be making an independent decision at the minute. And I'm worried about the fact you said you feel under pressure to appear co-operative. That is not a good basis to be making choices on and your nurse should be making sure that you don't.

 

[Young_PTSD]

I don't think that you need to do the ECT treatment. Personally, with PTSD and horrible anxiety from a tragic event that occurred..I know exactly what you're talking about. Going through "phases" almost. Where you have a decent amount of time where you feel great, and positive, and like things have really cleared up. Then all of the sudden it's like..."why am I feeling this down again? I thought I made so much progress", etc. I've currently been in one of my rough patches as well. But my therapist said I'm being too hard on myself. Why think "I thought I made so much progress...what's going on...", when it could just be outside things that are causing stress- and flaring up your anxiety. Working with my therapist regularly the past 2 years, he's taught me to do things that "feed my soul". When I feel anxious or depressed or in a funk, I do things that elevate my mood, and remind me that things are okay, and that I'm fully capable of feeling happy (What we refer to as "feeding my soul"). I have anxiety medication that I only need to take if necessary- but I do my breathing exercises and take every precaution first before the medication (I don't want my body and mind to rely on it). I too was just in my therapist's office yesterday with tears rolling down my face. My anxiety has been occurring every day for the past month. But when you start feeling anxious, try to step back and ask yourself why you're feeling that way. It might sound crazy, but try to have a conversation with yourself. Separate your conscious and subconscious self, have a conversation, write things down...it's different when it's in your mind, and when it's physically in front of your eyes. Have you tried breathing exercises? You should try to listen to soft music when you're going to lay down to sleep...it's really helped me over the years. I hope any of that can help! You CAN and WILL get through this. As you probably know by now, it starts from within :)

 

[SaySomething]

ACK! I'm sorry, I apparently don't know how to use the quote feature. I was trying to put a quote into my response, but I ended up quoting your entire response, Arfie. Please accept my apology! I agree with you about needing outside support, and that has been my downfall so many times. I don't maintain my support system when I'm doing better. Thanks so much for the response!

 

[SaySomething]

Springer80, thank you for the response! You've echoed my fears exactly ... after ECT is done, it can't be undone. It seems drastic to me. I'll see my nurse again next week, and I'm taking my husband along with me in case I have trouble expressing myself. He knows I'm against it, so he can be my advocate and my voice if I can't find the words.

 

[SaySomething]

Young PTSD, thank you for your kind words. I DO journal, a lot, and it helps me too. Sometimes it is much easier to collect my thoughts on paper, and if I find myself unable to speak under stress, I have notes to read. I'm sorry you've hit a tough time, and I hope things start looking up for you soon.

 

[greenleaf]

I wonder if this Nurse Practitioner is really familiar with PTSD, as opposed to depression? If not, can you find someone who is more of a trauma specialist? While I'm not any sort of clinician, I've really not heard of ECT as any sort of trauma treatment -- more of a medication-resistant-major-depression treatment... but perhaps someone else knows more about this.

A general Nurse Practioner's training in the U.S. could be really sparse re. trauma, I suspect, and the whole field of trauma has changed a lot in the last 5-10 years. There are so many possible conditions that a generalist in particular would have a hard time knowing everything well.

MDs like psychiatrists and even general therapists of various sorts also can be surprisingly light on understanding of trauma, and medical folks like an NP can be very focused on a purely chemical model of brain function, for instance. Practitioners can *really* believe very different things.

I personally think somatic therapy, yoga, massage etc. are much better for myself, and I like the suggestions made by @Young_PTSD . I would be scared too by someone suggesting ECT! I really fail to see how ECT is going to make a ptsd sufferer feel safer, connect to their body, and so on -- the long term goals, in my opinion. Though you do have to stay physically safe in the mean time! If this is the issue that the NP is most concerned about, how about committing to work with a trauma therapist on those particular issues?

The recent research on ptsd, dissociation, the limbic system etc. is showing some consistent patterns in changes in different parts of our brains; not one of those really recent articles I've read has mentioned ECT at all (for ptsd.) I'll stop ranting now, sorry.

 

[SaySomething]

I wonder if this Nurse Practitioner is really familiar with PTSD, as opposed to depression? If not, can you find someone who is more of a trauma specialist? While I'm not any sort of clinician, I've really not heard of ECT as any sort of trauma treatment

Thanks for your response, @greenleaf . It really helps to hear other people echoing my own doubts. I sometimes worry that I'm overreacting to things! To answer your question, trauma specialists are few and far between where I live (a relatively small city). This particular nurse works in the same psychiatric clinic as my therapist, which makes it easier for all of us to coordinate my care. However, you are definitely right, she has no expertise treating PTSD.

I had a psychiatrist that I really liked for a few years. He was not a trauma specialist, either, but he listened to me and was willing to try different things for my anxiety. Sadly, he moved away. Now I feel like I'm floundering. If the nurse continues to press the ECT, I'll be forced to find a new doctor ... which I always hate.

I genuinely appreciate all the feedback and support.

 

[intothelight]

@SaySomething Welcome to the forum!:)

While therapy and support are invaluable for recovery, having peer support is also beneficial. It is nice to have aa place to ask questions and discuss concerns among people who really do understand.

 

[joeylittle]

Welcome, @SaySomething. I can share that I was at a point where I thought my only (next) option was ECT - but that was for depression. It's a tough call, but the side effects of ECT are potentially very serious. It is effective for many mood disorders - but I've not come across it as a protocol for PTSD.

I decided I wasn't willing to risk the side effects, and investigated other options.

My personal, opinion-only thought on the subject is: if you are functional - walking, talking, and not hallucinating - then ECT is too strong a tool for the job. Functioning doesn't mean you're not in distress, or that you feel anywhere near OK - just that you can still make it out of bed, put a sentence together, things like that.

Even though you're in a small area - does your hospital do any groups for CBT or DBT? It sounds like you want some skills for managing anxiety.

I'm glad you found this community. It's a really great source of knowledge, experience, and support.

 

[SaySomething]

@intothelight Thanks for the welcome!

@joeylittle I was part of a DBT group about five years ago, so I may have to see if the hospital still offers it. You're right ... at this point, I just need tools for managing the anxiety. I can't do much else until this fear and turmoil subside a little bit, and I seem to have forgotten most of the skills I learned back then. Thanks for sharing your personal experience with ECT ... even though you didn't end up doing it, it's nice to hear from someone who's been faced with the choice.