Sufferer Hello everyone! ptsd from childhood trauma, looking to connect with others

[MandyLucio]

Hello,
I am new to this site and I am hoping I can find like minds because I have been finding it more and more difficult to find people who understand me and my conditions. A little bit about me: I am living in Canada and I am 36 years old I have no kids and I am married. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder and PTSD. I had a very traumatic childhood as well as a difficult adult life which has been surrounded in abuse of many types. My PTSD stems from childhood events. I am currently completely unmedicated and have been having a rough time of it. I have regular bouts of extreme anxiety and panic attacks as well as uncontrollable crying and sadness. I also become catatonic more and more often. Sometimes I wonder if my conditions may be getting worse or if it’s just because I am not medicated currently. Everynight I take Benadryl just go make myself sleep and some days as soon as I wake up I pop Benadryl just to knock myself out again because I can’t deal with the day. I am always in a state of hyper vigilance and find that I am often snappy and irritable. I am extremely antisocial and like to keep a very small circle of friends because I have a hard time trusting anyone. All of my friends are friends I grew up with. They know my deal so I never have to explain to them why I disappear for weeks at a time not answering calls or texts...they get it. Anyways enough about me...I really hope I can benefit others and visa versa.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I'm actually excited for you.

Welcome @MandyLucio , this site is so full of great information and relatable thoughtful people. When you start reading random thread you will so deeply relate and see yourself in that other person's experience...for me it made me not feel so alone misunderstood and different. You mean other people feel the way!? Really I had no idea.

Anyway so glad you found this place, it's uniquely tailored to us. Hope you find some relief and connection.

Peace to you.

I also become catatonic more and more often. Sometimes I wonder if my conditions may be getting worse or if it’s just because I am not medicated currently.

Do you mind me asking if you have other conditions or do you believe this to be panic/anxiety/ptsd related?

 

[MandyLucio]

Hello :)
It’s hard to tell whether something I am experiencing for example my severe anxiety is from my PTSD or bipolar. I have a difficult time determining where many of my symptoms are stemming from because both PTSD and bipolar do have similar traits. I do believe the catatonia is likely bipolar related as I don’t really know anyone who has ptsd that has instances of catatonia...do you?

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums!

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

 

[MrMoonlight]

I do believe the catatonia is likely bipolar related as I don’t really know anyone who has ptsd that has instances of catatonia...do you?

I was just wondering if there were other conditions like diabetes which can cause catatonia or immobility too. Really I'm just learning but you may want to read about conversion disorder. In the dsm5 (diagnoses standard) I believe under Somatoform Disorders you will find conversion disorder which could account for the catatonia...I believe.

That seems like such a severe condition though, one I would think needing scrutiny to make sure no underlying life threatening or not condition existed (mental, physical,schizophrenia).

I experience a loss of vision, vomiting, diarrhea even passing out. Most of those I believe can be explained here: Do you get nervous before seeing t? But my loss of vision like your catatonia could be explained by conversion disorder:;If medically everything else has been ruled out first, you know?

What a terrible thing, I so sorry that happens. Few times have I been more scared than when I lost my vision due to extreme anxiety, catatonia must be just awful

Somatization

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums!

The medical or mental health care provider who diagnosed you might be able to help figure out what is causing the catatonia. If you are not already, I'd strongly suggest working with a good doc and a trauma counselor to address what is going on. The catatonia may need a neurological / physical work up as well.

I am currently completely unmedicated

Are you on a waiting list to see a doc? You are actually self medicating with Benedryl, which can come with some serious side effects with regular on-going use. Be very careful with it. Once you get in to see a doc, you might find Vistaril - aka hydroxyzine - a different type of antihistamine medication that is much more helpful for anxiety and can be prescribed for long term use. Some primary care / general practice doctors will prescribe it for anxiety.

 

[MandyLucio]

I was just wondering if there were other conditions like diabetes which can cause catatonia or immo...

I actually have been checked for diabetes and thyroid issues. Diabetes test came back that I am hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) and thyroid is fine. I feel for me the worst part of my conditions is the social anxiety. Sometimes it gets so bad that I won’t leave the house for days. I’ve left my full cart the grocery store because I will suddenly become to overwhelmed....especially if there are a lot of others shopping at the same time...I will become confused, panic, cry, shake....it’s terrible. I will be totally honest with you sometimes I feel like the bipolar diagnosis isn’t correct because I have read a lot about it and I really don’t have the manic or depressive stages like most bipolar folks generally do. My psychiatrist says I am a rapid cycle bipolar I. I suppose because my moods can go up and down several times an hour even and all day my mood shifts drastically for no explained reason. If I am startled (someone walks up behind me) or if the doorbell rings or someone knocks it will totally throw me off for hours and I’ll be in a state of hupervigilance. I have a sign on my front door that says “please do not knock please text before coming over” because any sudden sound sends me overboard quickly. Any of this sound familiar?

Welcome to the forums!

The medical or mental health care provider who diagnosed you might be able...

Well I will explain. I am an American but I am living in Canada (husband is Canadian) I am in the process of immigration but until that is complete it’s verh pricey to see doctors so basically since I arrived here in August I’ve run out of the meds I brought with me from the states. Canadian pharmacies won’t accept prescriptions from American doctors. The Benadryl is just to make me sleep because if I don’t sleep I will just come undone all night like a looney toon. *sighs*

Welcome to the forums!

The medical or mental health care provider who diagnosed you might be able...

In the states I was prescribed klonopin for my anxiety which works wonders. I was also on Wellbutrin and a few others I can’t recall the names of at this current moment.

 

[Justmehere]

I have a sign on my front door that says “please do not knock please text before coming over” because any sudden sound sends me overboard quickly. Any of this sound familiar?

I used to have a similar sign early in my recovery. lol. For me, my attacker knocked on the door... so it was doubly bad.

While you wait to get through the immigration process and get in to see a doc and a therapist, you can still start some of the work a good trauma therapist would do in the beginning anyhow. Learn all you can about grounding skills. They may not work super well in the beginning, but they may help considerably over time. You can use the search bar here, or there are a lot of other free resources online that can be found through any major search engine, to find out a lot of good info about them. It may help with some of the anxiety symptoms you are dealing with on a daily and hourly basis. :hug:

 

[MandyLucio]

I used to have a similar sign early in my recovery. lol. For me, my attacker knocked on the door......

Thanks I will definitely consider that! :)

 

[Victory]

I actually have been checked for diabetes and thyroid issues. Diabetes test came back that I am hypo...

Perhaps this article will interest you.
Benadryl Wipes Away Bad Memories: Is The Antihistamine A Fresh Solution For PTSD?
I just got the okay from my to take 1-25 mg dye-free Benadryl each night.