Hello, I Am New Here

[eddy]

Hello,
My name is Ed, here is some of my history,

My father was a very abusive alcoholic, he has been sober since I was 18. I can not remember my childhood at all, no matter how hard I try.

Five years ago I was hit by a car while riding my motorcyle, the next 6 months were a living hell, I had about 24 surgeries to try and save my leg but in march of 2007 I had my lower left leg amputated. My wife really stayed strong and helped me make it through.

I have not been the same person since, I am still struggling to accept what happened, but I get angry, depressed, and just feel alone sometimes.

My wife tries to understand and says she went through it also, which she did, but she did not loose the limb, I did, and that is the part she can not understand.

Our 15 year marraige has for the most part be up and down and sometimes a real struggle, but it has gotten worse.

Thanks for reading

ED

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Hi Ed,

My heart goes out to you!
Welcome to the forum.

There are a number of people here who have been badly injured, and had difficult, traumatic childhoods who can relate.

I'm so sorry your marriage is in a rough patch, right now.

Are you in couples therapy? Are you receiving help from a trauma therapist?

With care and concern,
Deer

 

[sky dancer]

Hi Ed,

Welcome to the forum. That's alot to deal with. I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a limb. That's got to be one of the most challenging situations I've ever heard of for coming to wholeness. You're grieving. Have you and/or your wife seen a therapist? My partner and I have seen one together to deal with the effects of PTSD on our 26 year relationship. It was very helpful for both of us.

Do you wear a prostheses? I'm wondering if it would help to talk to others who have lost limbs.

I don't know what it's like to lose a limb. I am currently in a cast and unable to bear weight on my broken ankle. I'm getting around with the use of a walker, a kneeling scooter or a wheelchair. My activities have been seriously curtailed, and many of the household tasks that I took on have gone to my partner who is working full time. I am unable to work for two months.

It must be so hard for the kind of guy that rode motorcycles to be dealing with such challenging limitations.

Just to let you know I'm thinking about you and interested in hearing about your process.

sky

 

[sky dancer]

I know so little about losing a limb that I just googled it. There is a book written by a logger named Gary Edinger called "Will to Live: A Saga of Survival.

Not suggesting you read it or anything, just sharing what I've found in my first google attempt to learn more about your situation.

sky

For some reason, reading stories about trauma survivors, even if we don't share the same trauma has helped me find inspiration to deal with my own. I have two books in my trauma library that were very inspiring to me and neither of them is my trauma.

One is Strange Piece of Paradise by Terri Jenz, who survived attempted murder and who healed herself by seeking justice and investigating the crime and Left to Tell by Immaculee Ilibagiza, a woman who survived the Rwandan Holocaust by hiding in a tiny bathroom of a Hutu pastors home with seven other women for 91 days.

 

[booboomatrix]

I'm new here too. I find it hard to read these things that are posted. I'm not really able to talk about myself like that. Maybe some day. Your story is moving. I feel I can relate. Welcome.

 

[sky dancer]

Hi boobomatrix--

Take you time and move at your own pace. Welcome,

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Ed
Welcome to the forum.

I really can't relate to your situation, but my heart goes out to you. I hope you find support here. Whether as individuals we understand your particular traumas or not, we do understand about PTSD. I'm glad you have found us, and you are reaching out for help.

 

[eddy]

Thanks to all that have responded.
To answer a few of the questions: yes my wife and I have gone to counseling, but it has not worked for us. I am a pretty quite guy and don't talk about my feelings at all. Yes I wear an artificial leg, and I pretty much do all the stuff I used to, just alittle slower. I am an avid fisherman, and that is where I usually find peace, but with all this snow and ice I have not been able to get out. I still love motorcycles but have made the choice to never ride again, too much changed in a split second. I have talked to others who have lost limbs, and it has helped to know that I am not alone, but its something inside of me that has changed, I really can't explain it.
See-Ya

 

[Iam]

Hi Ed,
Welcome to the forum. I too can't imagine what it would be like to lose a limb. I am so sorry for all that you have and are going thru.

I can relate to the childhood trauma of alcoholism. Both my parents are alcoholics. My father sobered up when I was 18 after holding a boulder over my head threatening to kill me. I guess it kind of jerked him awake. It seems that I did "ok" as an adult for awhile, but then I got triggered by a crisis and I was completely changed by it. It was the last straw. Losing your leg and the horror of the accident itself is huge, I can only imagine how it has changed you.

While I remember many things in my childhood, many new memories are coming to me as work thru therapy. All that to say that memories can be retrieved when the mind is ready.

You mentioned going to marriage counseling. Are you getting trauma counseling? Have you been diagnosed with PTSD or any other disorder? If not I would highly recommend that you see a trauma counselor individually so that you can begin the work of healing.

There are fantastic articles here that will provide you with much information and answer many questions. You will also find the support here helps to not feel so alone with your symptoms and struggles.

Again, welcome. I'm glad you found the forum!

 

[eddy]

Hello Iam,

I have not gone to trauma counselling, but did make an appointment yesterday and will be meeting with someone next Wednesday. Hopefully it goes alright, as I am pretty picky when it comes to talking with someone.

I have not been diagnosed with anything, not even sure if I have PTSD or something else.

I am glad to have found this site.
ED

 

[blueangel371115]

Hang in there. Good luck at your apointment.

 

[eddy]

well I had my first appoinment with someone new yesterday. It went really well and unlike past sessions, I feel that she really listened to me and understood what I was trying to say and feeling. I will be going back to see her again. Hopefully this is the start to help me find out what is going on with me.

Where would I post a question to see who else has been in a trauma related motorcycle accident? I am sure it does not go under introductions, or does it?

Thanks
ED