Hello,
I just discovered this site. I have C-PTSD too. I've known and dealt with this for the last six years. After learning about it I can see I've had it a long time and it never showed. It sure shows now though.
Finding a good counselor is as hard as find a good friend as both are uncommon. I had to give up on the counseling thing but am feeling I need to find one again.
For a long time I had no idea what was wrong with me, other than something was far from right. I felt sorta OK for the last few years. Sorta OK is better than completely ruined...been there too and in a huge way.
Out of respect I feel I should share my story but I'm too tired of telling it and then having no one understand..or have to break it all down and relive the traumas for people who are not well skilled in counseling...it's no good does more harm than good.
My condition results from sexual assaults twice as a teen, then married at age 29 to a man who ruined me but I had no idea wth happened until it was over. He has a MA in psychology so his abuse was covert he had everyone fooled not just me. BTW I had always had healthy relationships prior to him so not like I have the history of always picking losers then wondering why I'm not happy.
I was sexually assaulted twice as an adult, and surely being traumatized by my brother 9 yrs older than me when I was four factors in too. In the last six years through this dreadful job market I have had two jobs. I was fired from both for not reciprocating sexual advances from the owners.
Last summer I went to a concert and was drugged and passed out for moment then crawled to the main exit, I escaped being raped again. Being disarmed by a roofie and then riding it out that's a big moment of victory in my world. Like Ha! They couldn't take me.
Last week the gang rapist who kidnapped me for days about ten years ago found me on Facebook, yes yes I had and still have my profile set up as private never talk to stranged not IRL either if I can avoid it. I'm a full-on freak magnet, but once I post comment to a friend's page, then everyone can see that..yes now that his (rapist's) profile is blocked by me he can no longer see me nor me him.
I'm a smart person it just seems like I'm not sometimes, one of the pains of having PTSD, it can make us appear bad to the judgmental people. Ugh..their fb profile pictures keep flashing in my head, brought me back into the re-traumatized PTSD state.
I'm not working (Like working it serves a good distraction) was fired for not reciprocating disgusting boss pervert. I have so much anger from this. Working for bully bosses is just really too much to add to the pile. I was day dreaming of how I could taunt him to punch me in the face to get fired to get out of the misery but still qualify for U.I. Well I used my head instead but still angry. Anger is not my way of life. I'm one of those let it go and breathe people. I'm not a complainer or winning like Charlie Sheen, ever.
I know sorry this post is all over the place, this is my mind of late, it's just like ADD but I don't have ADD. I want to try EMDR, I'm ready to let them torment me via reliving it all in effort to be more free of it all. I will be very pissed though if I go through all that effort for no pay off, so I hold back and relax with all my mad skills..here I am.
P.S. I have friends but will lose them if I talk about this with them.
I just discovered this site. I have C-PTSD too. I've known and dealt with this for the last six years. After learning about it I can see I've had it a long time and it never showed. It sure shows now though.
Finding a good counselor is as hard as find a good friend as both are uncommon. I had to give up on the counseling thing but am feeling I need to find one again.
For a long time I had no idea what was wrong with me, other than something was far from right. I felt sorta OK for the last few years. Sorta OK is better than completely ruined...been there too and in a huge way.
Out of respect I feel I should share my story but I'm too tired of telling it and then having no one understand..or have to break it all down and relive the traumas for people who are not well skilled in counseling...it's no good does more harm than good.
My condition results from sexual assaults twice as a teen, then married at age 29 to a man who ruined me but I had no idea wth happened until it was over. He has a MA in psychology so his abuse was covert he had everyone fooled not just me. BTW I had always had healthy relationships prior to him so not like I have the history of always picking losers then wondering why I'm not happy.
I was sexually assaulted twice as an adult, and surely being traumatized by my brother 9 yrs older than me when I was four factors in too. In the last six years through this dreadful job market I have had two jobs. I was fired from both for not reciprocating sexual advances from the owners.
Last summer I went to a concert and was drugged and passed out for moment then crawled to the main exit, I escaped being raped again. Being disarmed by a roofie and then riding it out that's a big moment of victory in my world. Like Ha! They couldn't take me.
Last week the gang rapist who kidnapped me for days about ten years ago found me on Facebook, yes yes I had and still have my profile set up as private never talk to stranged not IRL either if I can avoid it. I'm a full-on freak magnet, but once I post comment to a friend's page, then everyone can see that..yes now that his (rapist's) profile is blocked by me he can no longer see me nor me him.
I'm a smart person it just seems like I'm not sometimes, one of the pains of having PTSD, it can make us appear bad to the judgmental people. Ugh..their fb profile pictures keep flashing in my head, brought me back into the re-traumatized PTSD state.
I'm not working (Like working it serves a good distraction) was fired for not reciprocating disgusting boss pervert. I have so much anger from this. Working for bully bosses is just really too much to add to the pile. I was day dreaming of how I could taunt him to punch me in the face to get fired to get out of the misery but still qualify for U.I. Well I used my head instead but still angry. Anger is not my way of life. I'm one of those let it go and breathe people. I'm not a complainer or winning like Charlie Sheen, ever.
I know sorry this post is all over the place, this is my mind of late, it's just like ADD but I don't have ADD. I want to try EMDR, I'm ready to let them torment me via reliving it all in effort to be more free of it all. I will be very pissed though if I go through all that effort for no pay off, so I hold back and relax with all my mad skills..here I am.
P.S. I have friends but will lose them if I talk about this with them.
