Sufferer Hello Not Doing Very Well Right Now This Is Very Hard

[Just tryin to heal]

OK feeling a lot of fear about this but here goes. I am 31 and I have just recently been diagnosed with PTSD, Social Anxiety Disorder, Major Depression, Recurrent Episode, and Severe and Intermittent Explosive Disorder after being miss-diagnosed and treated for ADHD and Bipolar from the age of 5. My true problems are the result of severe physical, mental, and sexual abuse that took place over many years. In defense of the original diagnosis i never told them(as in any one) about the abuse any of it. I have an appointment in 2 weeks to start therapy and am very fearful about it i have looked around the forum and it looks like a very good resource and you all seam to be very helpful so any advice you all can give about the start of things would be greatly welcome. well that's all i can get in to for now i do NOT normally talk to any one about any of this kind of going out on a limb so to speak.

 

[Em C.]

Welcome to the forum and congrats on taking the first step towards healing! The thing I would suggest above all is to force yourself to tell the truth-- its frequently easier to dance around it but the longer you do that dance, the harder the healing process is.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@Just tryin to heal I too went a very long time to accept fully the gravity of the abuses I suffered at the hands of numerous abusers on varying levels and differing severity's.

I have multi level PTSD from Multiple abuse with complex trauma issues. Military PTSD, Borderline personality and Explosive personality disorder. Couple that with a car crash in 2001 that could have killed me and 4 close call suicide attempts since the age of 18........ BUT, I am still here and I am now finally accepting that I was abused so badly, I did get traumatized in the military and could very well have died numerous times in the last 44 years.

I say all this to give you a feeling of strength. If I can get to a point of happy medium and manage my symptoms, flash-backs I truly do feel that there is strength in all of us. IMHO when we are first Diagnosed (especially in the first critical six months) our lives are literally shaken up the point of collapse. I know I did.

Being a member of this forum and really interacting with it and the members I met here have changed my outlook on life and I will go as far as to say it has changed my life itself, for the better. I am much more focused now and have my spark for life back now.

I look at now in this way. I may have suffered abuse and horrific issues for 18 years, I bottled it all up for the next 22 years until I reached 42 years old but w hat I actually have done in all that time is survived. I survived being neglected, beaten and raped, I survived whatever happened in the military to temporarily paralyze me. I survived that car crash and all of the suicide attempts.

Basically I wish you all the best in your own personal healing journey. Remember that inside of you there is a survivor still. He needs to have his chance to thrive now and with the right help and the right therapy (not all therapies are right for all patients) I believe that he can thrive.

Sending :hug:s from the UK if you accept them.

Laurie

 

[watundah]

Welcome to the forum and your journey.
Please know you are not alone and there is much comfort to be found on this forum.
After a decades long hiatus of avoiding my issues, I recently opened the door again to self-exploration. I read the CPTSD book by Peter Walker and found many 'AHA' moments in there that helped my recognize and understand some of my behavior. I won't lie to you, therapy is scary to me, too, but it is a process of peeling layers off an onion, not ripping the lid off of pandora's box - baby steps. Do whatever makes YOU comfortable. You're definitely worth it. Take good care.

 

[Just tryin to heal]

@Em C. Thank you and definitely need to work on the truth thing i am constantly trying to down play my abuse to myself.

@Santa_Laurie Thank you as well. I have seen many of your comments in the last few days and i draw a lot of insight so thank you again and :tup:

 

[Just tryin to heal]

@watundah thank you and where would be the best place to find the book you mentioned

 

[watundah]

I bought it thru Amazon. "CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving".

 

[Nam]

Welcome.

I remember my first therapy appointment. I should have had someone drive me...because I was having trouble breathing. It's nerve wracking. But go. No matter what. Tell your therapist that you are nervous. Bring a water bottle. I wish I had one so that I could just hold something to keep the shakes down. Or to take a drink to really think about what I was going to say next. I hope it goes as well as to be expected.

 

[intothelight]

@Just tryin to heal Welcome to the forum!

With PTSD, starting anything new can be stressful especially when it involves the possibility of having to be vulnerable. Therapy is a wonderful tool for healing and a good therapist will provide you with the tools necessary to learn how to get the most out of the process. I hope you find this forum a good resource and beneficial to your healing process.

 

[Just tryin to heal]

@Nam thank you and i am getting a ride I've read on here from a few ppl that therapy is exhausting and very stressful so got a ride set up

@intothelight thank you and definitely glad that I have found this forum. A lot of questions i have about things have been discussed on here. So now i have a idea about what to expect and i am definitely going to stick around.