I have structural issues too. Chicken or egg? I don't know. Even this current arm thing that has happened is unclear...2 weeks ago, I did some intense trauma processing at my therapy appointment and had generally been in kind of in a big soupy mess of insights and flashbacks for the previous and following days, including really intense twisting stuff. On that same day as my therapy appointment, I had a minor fall on the ice on my way out of an appointment with my massage therapist. No bruising, got right up, fell on my right butt. A day and a half later, I woke in the middle of the night with excruciating neck pain. Over the past week or so it has shifted some...not as excruciating and now as much in my shoulder as my neck. Massage therapist sent me to a chiropractor because she thought I had a rib out of place. But as she was working on me, all kinds of trauma stuff was unfolding as well.
Yesterday, I went to the chiropractor who is sending me for x-rays of my cervical spine. He thinks there are 4 ribs, a few vertebrae and some other bone at the base of my skull that are screwed up, but wants to look at them on x-rays before he does anything.
They also found lots of structural stuff in my sacral and lumbar and pelvic areas that "could" be causing the pain. An orthopod wanted to inject cortisone into my spine but I said no. (Medical stuff FREAKS me out). That was around 2 years ago, before I started in trauma therapy.
Anyway, all this is to say, I get the screwy parts of this. I have all sorts of structural issues that might account for the pain. But the truth is that very occasionally, when I have managed to be kind and gentle with myself...removed stress...rested without guilt...I've had spells with no pain. It happened the other day...I spent basically two days in bed exhausted. Slept, rested, meditated, processed some stuff. When I got up on Wednesday night to go downstairs to dinner, I walked perfectly normally...no pain on the stairs or walking (well, the neck/shoulder was there). My husband was stunned. So was I, frankly. It was the most obvious example of the pain/emotion link. All came back by the middle of the night. But...there you go. If it is only structural, then why do I occasionally get these moments of relief?
I've done enough somatic therapy now to know that some of my most deeply wounded child parts are expressing themselves physically in me. The pain is totally real and very disabling and upsetting. The pain is related to structural issues. But fixing the structural issues has not worked by itself (which is partly why I don't take pain medication).
Example: When the pain first got so bad in my sacrum/hip that I could not walk, I went to my old chiropractor. He did an adjustment that made me yell (my hip had gotten stuck in a forward rotated position), but provided instant relief. I wanted to kiss the guy I was so happy. Went home that night and celebrated with my husband...kicking myself all the time for waiting so long to go to the damned chiropractor in the first place. Well, guess what. Pain was all back the next day. Went 6 more times with no better results. Then went on this endless merry-go-round of x-rays, MRIs, spinal specialists, rheumatologists, physiatrists, etc. Even 6 months of physical therapy helped some. All these people basically gave up on me. There wasn't anything more they could do. That's when I ended up going the alternative route and a body worker suggested I try a trauma therapist. So for a year and a half, I've been working at this pain thing through the trauma perspective.
Now I'm realizing I have to go at it all in a different way...the physical AND the emotional. For me, these are extremely dissociated. The somatic therapy is finally helping me to integrate them...a tiny tiny bit at a time.
Yes. As above.
Yes yes yes. Me too. BTW, I have put my fam. into major debt having to pay out of pocket for therapy. My psychotherapist is covered and I pay only a co-pay, but none of the other therapies that are helping me are covered. Not even the chiropractor.
You're welcome...but also take in the fact that this is equally or more helpful to me. There are very few people I've found like us. So thank you, @Chava.
