Hello There,i'm Joe...

[Joe1]

Hi I'm the husband of "Sue" who found a lot of help from the site and i'm hoping to recieve some help also.
Back in December i had a total breakdown which has resulted in various stays in the local asylum.
I've been diagnosed with severe PTSD and depression, and recently addisons disease.
I'm really struggling over the last few days and today in particular. You see today is the date of my first and only combat kill, happening in N.I. People keep saying that if i didn,t do it some of my commrades could have been killed. But they don't know how IT REALLY FEELS!!! My PTSD runs into other things also. No-one has offered me any help because they say i'm too acute.
This has gone on for nearly a year now that i have had it really bad.
I'm out the army 13yrs now and i am hanging in barely with my finger nails.
If anyone knows what i'm going through, and can offer any advice/help i would be most grateful.
Joe

 

[Ned]

Joe this is Ned. NI from 83 to 88, lot of stuff. Out in 2001 and other stuff 'til then. Say what you want. Glad you came here..........

There are more people than you might think who can directly offer advice, it's a good site.

I think I had a few chats with Sue and she is a star, mate. Feel free to talk.

 

[deborah l. boylan]

Welcome Joe, You've come to the right place. There are a lot of people here who can relate to what you are going through. Say whatever you need to. We'll listen. Take care.
Deb

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey Joe, you are most welcome to the forum. The one thing you can be comfortable knowing is that everyone on here is a veteran and has seen combat.

We have all seen and witnessed some pretty nasty stuff that the rest of the world would cringe at, but as for what we have done, like killing, well that's a private battle that wages war in a lot of veterans heads. Forgiving yourself is the hardest lesson to learn. I have been in therapy for only 4 years and still struggle with what I have done.
They expect you to just suck it up as you were only following orders, and it was kill or be killed.

What you have to do mate is turn the guilt into regret. Guilt will chew you up and spit you out and will leave you just a shell. I don't want to tell you what to do, but keep trying to find help, there will be someone out there to help. Its not an easy road, but you have to look at what you have around you to keep you going.

The bottom line is if you had not killed, that person may have got away and killed many. That person could have killed some of your squad members.

Its no consolation, but I thank you for serving your country and doing what needed to be done to protect your mates.

 

[Sarg]

Welcome, Joe! I'm Sarg, the resident Nam Vet. Old, grissled and beat to hell, but here. I deal with the guilt every day. I haven't learned to turn it to regret yet, but, well, I'll try to get my arms around that later. Main thing is you've got to keep YOU together. We'll help the best we can, just ask your questions and someone will have some answers.

Hang tough,

Sarg

 

[Fargo1]

Hey Joe,

Good to have you here. As we are all going through similar, though completely different experiences I am sure that many of us will have some advice for you. Start reading the threads, you will find many opinions but the biggest thing to get is that here you are among comrades that have been where you have been AND who are there for you if you need to talk, vent, question or just plain rave.

Fargo