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Hello.

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Graygoose

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Hi, you can call me Graygoose. I signed up to find some answers and hopefully figure out how I can fix myself.

I suppose I should explain a little about myself. In reality, my trauma's weren't extremely bad. When I was seven my mother was raped and stoned when we were on our way home. My dad was a severe alcoholic and we both have a minor case of Asperger's. 3 years later, as my mom was recovering from the brain damage she was diagnosed with cancer. We weren't terrible well off, but it wasn't too bad either. My mom had tried to kill me several times over this course of time. I also had no social outlets, which is why I believe my PTSD developed to the degree it has. It has been nearly 14 years since then and I am just barely being treated and diagnosed.

Every year, when it seems I am recovering, I relapse into my original state. This occurs on or around the beginning of September which is the time of the assault. I typically push away any help and feel that whatever position I'm in is because I deserved it. I've been cutting for several years. Many of the recent cases have been life threatening and I've been admitted into the hospital several times.

In terms of my social ability, I'm good at acting. I've made many acquaintances who would probably see me as a friend, but I honestly can't accept them. I'm basically a loner by choice.

I don't really know what else I should post here. Thanks for the future help.

Mods: Sorry, I used the link from the sign up to introduce myself, so I didn't read the rules. If you can, I guess an appropriate title to change it to could be, "Hello. Domestic Violence/Depression"
 
Welcome to the forum, Graygoose! I am glad that you found us...

I would disagree with your statement that your traumas were not extremely bad. I definitely would consider them extremely bad, especially for a 7 year old to have to deal with. Having one parent traumatized and the other unavailable due to alcohol and then having your mother on top of the brain damage also be diagnosed with cancer is traumatic for any child.

My mom was diagnosed with cancer in April and I have become her primary caretaker. That is difficult as an adult. I can't imagine what the chaos is like as a child. In many ways you had to become the parent in your family. That is always traumatic and difficult. Finally your mom having tried to kill you is an extreme definition of trauma. I went through situation like that as well when my foster parents could not deal with my disabilities. I'm very glad that neither of the attempts worked for either of us. We deserve to be here and need to be here.

So, welcome to the forum. Feel free to look around and just start posting when you feel interested in a posting... or post one yourself. You can ask questions, tell your experiences and other members will do our best to comment and help.

Take care!
 
Thanks for the reply. It was really emotional for me to see someone acknowledge who I am. It's amazing how such a simple welcome can make you feel.
 
Hi Graygoose, welcome to the forum.

I am pleased you are here with us. No-ones trauma is more servere than another, some are similar but the one common thing is we are all here because our lives have been affected by PTSD.

There is a lot of good advice and information as well as support and friendship.

Take care
KP
 
Welcome (((Graygoose)))
You are definitely a survivor!! And, you are reaching out for help...that is HUGE!! Your early life did not equip you with the 'tools' to live and be happy. You deserve happiness, love, and health! Don't give up, and don't give in! You can get better!!

Our brains are 'trained' to remember dates, whether we are paying attention to the calendar or not!

I'm glad to 'meet' you and hope to 'see' you around the Forum!

AKJ
 
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