Dom Violence Hello

[loveandlight]

Would just like to thank everyone that commented on one of my previous posts .... does anyone ever feel like no matter how much they talk about things though that it never goes away ? It's always there .... domestic abuse is something that is just in the back of my mind ... physical and emotional... I wish I could just forget what happened... but for five years of my life this is all I knew. .. many ppl tell me just to forget but there are days that I cannot walk because of what he did to me ... The last time he put me on hospital ... something that will always remind me because of the permanent damage ...

 

[Jane.l]

Telling you to forget is not helpful - if we could do that we would ! PTSD is the opposite of forgetting.

I am not great at talking through 'my stuff' so I am not sure how much it helps but when we've suffered a long time - it makes sense it's going to take time to heal. Sometimes recovery can't come soon enough and we get frustrated at not being better now but it takes little steps, sometimes they are so little we don't notice them until we look back.

 

[loveandlight]

As I lay here I think to myself what a great life I have now ! I am thankful that I have a loving boyfriend and two lovely step children whom I love all very much .... There is nothing I could want for and I have a very close family ... but I still find myself on this forum... I have made many steps forward ... I just need to make more baby steps I suppose... but I think this is one of them... where I'm able to talk about my experience with people that understand that we can't "just forget and move on "!! Domestic abuse I think - is something that stays with us for a long time... lodged in the brain... and only people that have endured such an experience can understand ... I know there are people in the world far worse off than I am - as I escaped ... and I'm still here to tell the story though some nights I didn't think I would be here... x

 

[Jane.l]

That's good to hear your life is safe and happier now - it helps to have support. Are you or have you been in therapy?

 

[loveandlight]

I haven't ... I did see my doctor who diagnosed me and offered support ... I received a letter from mental health and my partner saw it and said he didn't realise I suffered with mental health problems. To me this meant I was mentally ill... and not wanting to discuss it with him I ripped it up and threw the letter in the bin. He didn't know what it was about and would have been supportive and understanding once explained ... but I didn't want to explain to him why I can't let go of my past? If that makes sense. He gets upset when I talk about what happened and can't understand why I stayed so long... which all boils down to the point that talking to people I don't know- helps ... it's hard for some people to understand the emotional abuse as well as the physical . I sometimes think the physical is easier to explain ... I have been thinking about seeing my GP again soon to arrange some therapy . I feel my head is in the right place now ...

 

[Jane.l]

That sounds like a really good idea. I think therapy will help you answer some of those questions, why you stayed etc a good therapist will help you make some sense of things. Ptsd isn't a mental illness as such it's a normal reaction to abnormal experiences - if you cut yourself you bleed.

Sharing with partners can be tough if you need to talk it out a therapist would be your best bet - I think it's great you are being pro active and are ready for a little help.

 

[sun seeker]

Just talking about what happened won't make the PTSD go away all by itself. It's one part of your healing, not the whole thing. You could say it's like baking a cake: maybe talking to people who understand is the flour, without which you won't have a good cake, but it's not the whole recipe. Maybe therapy would be the eggs, meditation the sugar, physical therapy the milk, and so on. None of the ingredients by itself is enough to make a cake, but put them all together and they create a synergistic reaction.

@Jane.l is right, we can't just let it go. People who suggest that have no idea what they are talking about. Do keep on posting, because we all get that and can keep reminding you, while still urging you to keep putting one foot in front of the other.