Relationship Hello

[ManagerWife]

I'm new here.

My husband was recently diagnosed with PTSD and is still being evaluated for possibly bipolar disorder and ADHD. This journey to diagnosis and treatment was instigated by me. I knew something was wrong beyond him being just a f*cking prick.

So now what? Now that he has a label to his erratic behavior, now that he is on a new cocktail of medication, now that he sees a therapist once a week and a psychiatrist every 3 weeks, now what?

I feel more like his manager then a wife. I am his manager.

I'm exhausted. I'm drained. Compassion fatigue is setting in. My heart aches. My head hurts. I'm frustrated beyond belief.

Desperate for support, knowledge, better understanding I typed "support for spouses of PTSD" into Google and found this forum. I've read a few posts and signed up.

I'm hoping through shared experiences to gain more knowledge and understanding.... and maybe even some advice.

I know my husband's journey is a challenge... holding him through this journey is a challenge for me too.

I'm so exhausted.

 

[Ret. SGT Coyle]

I'm new here.

My husband was recently diagnosed with PTSD and is still being evaluated for possib...

I hear your cry ma'am. I'm a veteran with PTSD as well. I'm praying for you and your husband! Hang in there!

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums! I'm so glad you are here.

Being a prick isn't a part of PTSD - although his PTSD does probably make dealing with his being a jerk all the more of a challenge.

Even though his behavior has a label, he's still the one totally responsible for his actions and his recovery.

Have you considered counseling for you? Not because anything is wrong with you, but because you are in a really tough spot and anyone in your shoes could use the extra support. It might be a good place to learn how to set boundaries so you don't get so burned out and to see if you can back out of being his manager and become more of his wife again.

Two important things for every supporter: find your own support (professional and/or friends and/or this forum) and self care. You gotta put on your own oxygen mask before you help put on his.

:hug:

 

[Snowflakes]

Yes, you are his manager, his caregiver, and as such you will need breaks periodically to keep the frustration and resentment level manageable.

Since he may have multiple diagnosis, you'll need to know about them. In my case, I attended a 12 sessions (over 6 weeks) class put on by NAMI Family to Family. This did 2 things.....it gave me information about the illnesses and medications along with some coping skills; the other is it gave me a break with others who were in the same boat. This particular class is designed for supporters, not sufferers.

@Justmehere gave a great suggestion about going to counseling. I am going to counseling to help me cope with those same feelings you are experiencing.

Finally, being here on this forem helps me in one very important way.....I no longer feel alone.

 

[ManagerWife]

Thank you both. Yes I am looking into counseling/support group for myself next week.

I'm not sure I can stop being his manager... he is forbidden from managing our finances or even having access to his debit card or checkbook because he is very impulsive with spending. He gets overwhelmed attempting to make his own appointments, so I do it for him.

The biggest hurdle is keeping his rage in check... then the inevitable lows he hits after raging. He was fired from his job last year because of it. I'm hoping this new cocktail of medication he is on along with therapy improves that.

I'm trying to take this one day at a time however I do have anxiety about the future. He's been suicidal. I always have fear he'll follow through.

 

[Snowflakes]

@ManagerWife I understand the manger part. There are caregiver recourses in many communities that will give you a temporary break. Sometimes a couple hours is all you need to recharge sufficiently to face another day.

It is good that he sees both a psych doctor for the meds and a therapist to talk to. Hopefully both providers are talking to each other towards a common goal. My sufferer has both and I make sure both have permission to see each others notes.

It does take time but eventually they will get the meds combo right for him.

I understand the anxiety with respect to suicide. In our community, we have a crisis line that I keep on speed dial. I've only had to use it once and they helped.

Another suggestion, and this you'll do only if appropriate for you and your community, if you fear he will take his rage out in public, you may wish to consider speaking with your local law enforcement for your husbands protection. Law Enforcement can have the training and tools to react to a citizen differently if they are aware of his mental condition beforehand. I do not mean to raise your anxiety level, just offering a suggestion based on my experiences.

Take care.