Help, about to blow up my marriage

[somerandomguy]

Thank you for your replies @grit and @hithere. The crisis is over, but the fundamental disagreement remains which is that I want sex and she doesn't. I'm unhappy, but no longer dysregulated.

What is your communication with your wife like when you are not in crisis?

Generally good and getting better - but communication around sex is very, very difficult for me. I have been trying harder.

I would rather know if my husband was being dysregulated this much when we are not intimate so we can connect some other way that may not be sexual acts.

Part of the problem is that she is worried that I'll dysregulate so avoids me sexually even more. I know, it doesn't make any sense to me either.

I can't help but think three weeks is a long time.

It is, but we suffered a FIVE YEAR dry spell that was entirely my own fault - well, the fault of untreated trauma. She doesn't trust me due to this and probably won't ever again.

If she can't make a commitment to a date and time even if she isn't interested there is something in my book that isn't right about that.

It is what it is. It isn't good. But I don't make it any easier because I essentially isolate myself when I feel sexually deprived. When I feel deprived, I react by withdrawing and withholding affection which makes sex even less likely. At least neither of us are getting what we want, I guess. There's not much like I feel like I can do, and we're essentially in a downward spiral that will eventually bottom out. That's the way it goes.