Help! Going Back To Work, Same Abusive Boss, Very Anxious

[GWhizz]

Good luck today. I appreciate that you prefer to be honest with them rather than have them gossip. My workplace is pretty gossipy too but I know it would only be used against me where I am. I really hope ppl can be supportive of you though.

 

[Bravo06]

I have been down the same road you are going down. I was the assistant director with only the executive director of and organization above me. I was really passionate about my job. Most things that I do I give 100% just because thats who I am. Well when I was finally diagnosed with PTS I was lost to say the least. My therapist said that it would be best if she took me out of work for a couple of months. This was very different for me as I was the goto guy to make stuff happen. I felt powerless. And who was going to do my job as good as I can? Well all this anxiety kept building while I was in the beginning of therapy. I remember talking about work a lot. And she would say try not to think about that. Don't think about it? It was my life. My passion! Well I had to give HR a letter from my doctor saying that due to stresses in my life she was taking me out of work on a medical leave. This was received with much speculation. The director a friend of mine at the time was very concerned about who was going to pick up the slack. I did not have an answer for him. And it was not my job to figure out frankly. Well being that I am a people pleaser I went to my office and closed the door. I worked for a few hours on some projects that I had been working on for a while. (This is all while on medical leave) Well a few hours turned into a few days and I was made to feel horrible as if I was not wanting to do my job. (I loved my job, and should due to me picking it. Love what you do or don't do it.)

I have so much to say about this.

I was an ombudsman for over 6 years and was very aware of my rights. But felt like they did not apply to me due to my leadership position. Most people liked me at my job. That is until the office gossip machine got rolling. I quickly realized while working while on medical leave that I should probably not be part of the negativity. ( If I am not part of the solution I am part of the problem) And I was not getting paid because I was on a medical leave. Lol I talked to the director and said that I really could not be at work. He did not respect me! Because if he did he would have made it workout. But instead told me to find someone that could do my job. He was aware that there was not really anyone. But if the table was turned I would not have ever asked him that question. It was so wrong to put it back on me. All this time my anxiety was threw the roof and I was in the bathroom like every 10 min. ( I also have IBS and really bad physical stuff that happens to me from anxiety. Super embarrassing. ) So it sucked really bad and I remember not going into work at all the next day. I was on medical leave thats what your suppose to do stay home right? Well thats not how my job was. I started to get phone calls and was asked all kinds of work stuff for the next 4 days. I did my best to help as much as I could from my house. My therapist asked me how I was doing. ( I was seeing her 3 times a week and was very embarrassed to tell her about the work stuff. ) When I finally told her she was not happy with the director not following her doctors orders. Very uncomfortable for me! This was a job that so many would have loved to have and one that I had done for 4 amazing years. Im not bragging but it was really nice. I was my own boss for the most part. I had others that worked for me and with me. A big private office a parking spot. I made my own hours. Life was good before getting pulled out of work. I thought. To make a long story a little shorter I stopped taking the phone calls and they started texting me. This is all on my personal cell phone. I had turned my work cell off over a week before the texts started. When I stopped responding to texts an amazing thing happened to me.

My anxiety level went down. And the thought of them not being able to function with out me was a distant thought. A few weeks went by with the occasional text for my so called friend and boss. If it was not to deep I would assist via text messaging. Well the weeks became two and a half months and HR did not like that at all. The phone started ringing again and I had to inform them on what my static was. I said it is the same and my doctor would be letting them know when I could return. They had changed the way they were talking to me at this point. This was weird given my office was not far from them and I would go in and talk with them regularly. I got one more phone call a week before I received a letter in the mail. The letter said that I was being terminated due to the fact I had abandoned my job. WHAT! Thats is so far from the truth I was floored by it! Well I did not get any more calls or texts after that. I went into my office later that night after most of the gossip mill had gone home and cleaned out all my stuff. I had a lot of stuff and a few people helped me with it. They were sad to see me go. And I said I was going to miss them and this job tremendously. (Im getting emotional just typing this stuff but thats ok. It was a learning experience and one I am grateful for.) That may sound kinda weird but it is true. When I got that letter in the mail I finally realized that they were using me and had no respect for me.

I guess the moral of the story is that you can't let people take advantage of you or make you feel less of a person or employee. It may feel like you are doing the right thing at first but in the long run are you?

I wish you the best with your journey and if I can ever help please say the word. We can only play the hand we have and make the best of it. Don't let them get the best of you. They are not worth it.

Gods Speed

 

[Don't trip]

Thanks @Suzetig for all your kind words and encouragement. I need to at least try to work at this job again. It's just so hard with the PTSD plus the abusive boss. It's a lot to deal with. I'll be definetly be keeping records of our interactions. Thanks also about the grounding advice.
Does anyone at your work know about your PTSD?

Notsowild,

I truly feel for you here and I hope that what I write is not discouraging to you.

My PTSD is severe abuse related, from childhood forward by pathological people. My traumas and secondary wounding are countless. Abuse, for me, whether physical or emotional, is something I'm completely intolerant too. I either freeze or react. Neither of these two options have helped me in my life. I cannot have any exposure to anyone who is remotely abusive. People who are passive aggressive, bullying, folks who gossip, are things I've become paranoid about.

Abuse of any kind is a trigger for me. I've not been able to overcome this. I simply have moved into managing it at this point. I isolate at home because it is safer for me. This is just my personal opinion, but due to my hyper vigilance and awareness of abuse by pathological people, I see entities in society as harmful. Corporations, politicians, etc and in my opinion, have normalized abusive behavior in in the work force and elevated societal narcissism to an all time high.

I don't know when this will change, but until it does, it makes it very difficult for people with mental health limitations to function in the world if they have endured chronic abuse. Why should this ever be tolerated anywhere? Forcing workers on to sick leave or making them believe that they must 'tolerate' any form of abuse to keep their jobs is a reflection of those in power who wish to abuse it. Instead of teaching others how to 'tolerate' abuse in the work environment, why aren't those doing the abusing, forced into anger management? Therapy? Why aren't there policies in place to force the ruthless dictator of a boss into a class to learn how to exercise compassion and positive reinforcement for employees? The work environment today is a reflection of pathological insanity.


Unlike it is in our personal lives where we can just walk away from someone who is abusive, we are forced to tolerate it to keep our jobs? Does anyone see something wrong with this? For me personally, I could never accommodate such a thing. It would be asking to aggravate my illnesses.

I do believe that much of our society and those in power are low or absent on empathy and compassion. The most vulnerable appear to be scapegoated and blamed. How could anyone suffering from severe PTSD learn to 'tolerate' abuse? Because, in essence, this is exactly what we are asked to do. To tolerate the intolerable. And those in positions of power know this.

I feel so badly for you, Notsowild, as well as anyone else who must endure such nonsense. When there are pathological people involved, there is no "reasoning" with them. I see people who have been driven to escape from their abusive work environments, through their doctors, psychiatrists and then dealing with HR at the same time in accommodating them when/if they return to work. This opens the door to a major vulnerability for those who struggle with PTSD and makes the person suffering from it, an even more malleable target for a ruthless, pathological employer. How could you not have a knee jerk reaction to abuse? That's normal!

It would be perilous for me to 'try' to tolerate what is already unbearable for me. I don't blame you one bit for being frightened about all of this and I think it's very unfair that our 'system' is set up more for abusers, then it is for those who must endure that abuse in order to survive. I wish you the best in your situation.