A
Adrian20168
Hello all,
Well I am a young man who was recently told that I am PTSD by a therpist. Not sure if that is a full diagnoses or not however I will clarify this at my next meeting and will ensire it is properly and formally diagnosed if she hasn't already. It's been a very long and painfully difficult journey making it to this point. I have struggled with mental health issues my entire life and have been diagnosed everything under the sun from panic disorder, bipolar, anxiety disorder...you name it.. None of these were correct diagnoses in my opinion. I think the mishandling occured mainly because of my own issues with actually telling my story to counselors etc. I never wanted help and most sessions were forced upon me by the courts or family. I never opened up about my past and the extent of hardship and trauma that occured because I wanted to be normal and the wounds of the past were so difficult and embarrassing to reveal. Finally under my own admission I have recently sought out help and been totally honest with my therpist. She promptly said it wasn't bipolar but was defiantly PTSD as a result of long term ongoing trauma beginning in early childhood related to severe neglect and emotional abuse, as well as some physical. After our session I researched ptsd and found her diagnoses was spot on. Now I am glad to have the issue confirmed and a name to my suffering. However I am in no less pain. I am a shell at best of my former self and this illness is destroying me so fast. I lay in bed all day some days crying and tossing and turning. I have isolated myself completely and cut ties with pretty much all friends and family, all over the last few months. I've begun waking up 2-5 times a night and have nightmares and even when I dream normal I wake up out of nowhere with a racing heart and fear. Fear of what I've no clue. I rarely go outside anymore due to paranoid thoughts and low self esteem. I see enemies in everyone even those that I love most. My brain runs circles arpund me tp the point i want to bashy head into the wall just to stop the buzzing confusing thoughts that plague me. Im anxious all the time and i have developed ibs or stomach issues that occur daily due to the stress of it all. I cannot feel happiness for any extended period at all. My fiance is struggling with seeing me this way and tries to help but with my irritability and anger and confusion i take her attempts to help the wrong way most of the time. I know that i am hurting her and puahing her away and that is one of the most painful aspects of this illness. I cant connect to her the way i used to because im hurting so bad. I dont want to chase away the last person i have left who cares about me because of ptsd. I cant keep a job down and marijuana is the only relief in my life and I cannot afford to keep a steady supply like I need. Please if anyone on this forum can help me I need it so bad. Does this sound like ptsd? Positive it is as my other diagnoses such as bipolar never seemed to fit. But i want outside opinions. Also, anyone care to share how i can cope with the pain anger and isolation? And how do you all manage relationship with significant others and this terrible illness? And what is the forums thoughts on marijuana as medication for ptsd as i am oppose greatly to pills of any type due to mistrust of big pharma as well as former addictions to benzos and narcotics. I know this is a long post and i hope it doesnt offend anyone and that i have followed proper forum protocols and been concise in my message. I really need help if anyone has words to share it is more appreciated than i can express. I fear i am on the brink of total devastation and life long numbness. Thank you all and god bless you
Well I am a young man who was recently told that I am PTSD by a therpist. Not sure if that is a full diagnoses or not however I will clarify this at my next meeting and will ensire it is properly and formally diagnosed if she hasn't already. It's been a very long and painfully difficult journey making it to this point. I have struggled with mental health issues my entire life and have been diagnosed everything under the sun from panic disorder, bipolar, anxiety disorder...you name it.. None of these were correct diagnoses in my opinion. I think the mishandling occured mainly because of my own issues with actually telling my story to counselors etc. I never wanted help and most sessions were forced upon me by the courts or family. I never opened up about my past and the extent of hardship and trauma that occured because I wanted to be normal and the wounds of the past were so difficult and embarrassing to reveal. Finally under my own admission I have recently sought out help and been totally honest with my therpist. She promptly said it wasn't bipolar but was defiantly PTSD as a result of long term ongoing trauma beginning in early childhood related to severe neglect and emotional abuse, as well as some physical. After our session I researched ptsd and found her diagnoses was spot on. Now I am glad to have the issue confirmed and a name to my suffering. However I am in no less pain. I am a shell at best of my former self and this illness is destroying me so fast. I lay in bed all day some days crying and tossing and turning. I have isolated myself completely and cut ties with pretty much all friends and family, all over the last few months. I've begun waking up 2-5 times a night and have nightmares and even when I dream normal I wake up out of nowhere with a racing heart and fear. Fear of what I've no clue. I rarely go outside anymore due to paranoid thoughts and low self esteem. I see enemies in everyone even those that I love most. My brain runs circles arpund me tp the point i want to bashy head into the wall just to stop the buzzing confusing thoughts that plague me. Im anxious all the time and i have developed ibs or stomach issues that occur daily due to the stress of it all. I cannot feel happiness for any extended period at all. My fiance is struggling with seeing me this way and tries to help but with my irritability and anger and confusion i take her attempts to help the wrong way most of the time. I know that i am hurting her and puahing her away and that is one of the most painful aspects of this illness. I cant connect to her the way i used to because im hurting so bad. I dont want to chase away the last person i have left who cares about me because of ptsd. I cant keep a job down and marijuana is the only relief in my life and I cannot afford to keep a steady supply like I need. Please if anyone on this forum can help me I need it so bad. Does this sound like ptsd? Positive it is as my other diagnoses such as bipolar never seemed to fit. But i want outside opinions. Also, anyone care to share how i can cope with the pain anger and isolation? And how do you all manage relationship with significant others and this terrible illness? And what is the forums thoughts on marijuana as medication for ptsd as i am oppose greatly to pills of any type due to mistrust of big pharma as well as former addictions to benzos and narcotics. I know this is a long post and i hope it doesnt offend anyone and that i have followed proper forum protocols and been concise in my message. I really need help if anyone has words to share it is more appreciated than i can express. I fear i am on the brink of total devastation and life long numbness. Thank you all and god bless you
