Help! Mentally Ill sister's legal troubles

[strongshadow96]

My sister has Bipolar disorder. It's serious and she suffers from many delusions. We've been trying to get her to accept help, but she doesn't fully understand how sick she is. If anyone has dealt with a mentally ill loved one I'm sure they can understand the difficulties in getting them help.

Anyway she was arrested the other day for violating a temporary restraining order my mom took out on her. My sister has been living with my mom for the past year. That's her home too. My sister is not violent, she can be unpredictable but she isn't violent. My mom changed the locks without telling my sister, causing her to be homeless. At this point there was no restraining order in place. Eventually my mom allowed my sister to stay the night even after she changed the locks.

My sister wanted to make a key for herself so she could get into the apartment. She went for my mom's purse and they wrestled over the keys. My mom used the term 'wrestled' and did not say my sister attacked her or express that the altercation was particularly violent, but this is what lead to the restraining order.

My sister has a court date in a few weeks and I don't know how to help her. I'm worried she might not show up because she believes my mom is going to drop the charges. My mom will not do that. I've never been in this situation before and I want to make sure my sister is protected and isn't taken advantage of by the law and my family members. They aren't helping her, and I believe that they are making her worse. They are putting her in situations where she reacts poorly because she is mentally ill. They all blame her and they don't want to help, they just want to wipe their hands clean of responsibility. They abused us as kids and they are continuing to abuse my sister and put her safety at risk. I know she isn't easy to be around and she gets angry and can be very difficult at times, but she isn't violent. Her words are her weapon.

Who do I contact or how do I make sure she can represent herself in the court of law? What happens if she doesn't show up?

 

[Sideways]

Who do I contact or how do I make sure she can represent herself in the court of law?

This is going to depend on where you are in the world. Here in Australia, your best bet would be to recommend that your sister contact a community based not-for-profit who may be willing to at least have a sit down with her to talk through the legal situation, her options and rights, and what will likely happen from here.

But, your sister really has to make that call. Short of her psychiatrist offering an affidavit that she lacks capacity, which is preeeetty unlikely.

What happens if she doesn't show up?

Depends on your jurisdiction. Jump online and have a look at the court websites for your jurisdiction, or police website, or community legal service websites.

To be honest…there’s not much you can do about this. It isn’t your fight. Your parents are allowed to refuse access to their house to anyone they like, which includes your sister.

 

[Friday]

To be honest…there’s not much you can do about this. It isn’t your fight. Your parents are allowed to refuse access to their house to anyone they like, which includes your sister.

This, sadly.

Not wrongly… after all you could open up your home to your bipolar & delusional sister, and are neither doing so, nor could be made to do so by law… but it’s still a sad situation when someone you love has so violated other people’s trust/welcome… as to no longer be welcome.

 

[strongshadow96]

This, sadly.

Not wrongly… after all you could open up your home to your bipolar & delusional sister, and are neither doing so, nor could be made to do so by law… but it’s still a sad situation when someone you love has so violated other people’s trust/welcome… as to no longer be welcome.

I would open my home to her if I could. I live about 8 hours away from her and the rest of my family. I don't live alone, I have roommates. I'd take her in if it were up to me.

They blame my sister for her mental illness and treat her as if she is choosing to act this way. I wish I could take their assess to court for the years of torment and abuse they put us through. If this is how they are going to treat their own daughter who's issues they caused.

 

[Weemie]

You can't force your sister to be sane, unfortunately. Even if she gets good legal representation you can't guarantee that she will follow their advice. If her name isn't listed on anything, legally speaking it isn't her home. You're 8 hours away, so what you can do? Is pretty much limited to telling her what you would like her to do. Whether or not she listens? That's not in your control.

 

[Friday]

I would open my home to her if I could. I live about 8 hours away from her and the rest of my family. I don't live alone, I have roommates. I'd take her in if it were up to me.

If she weren’t mentally ill? You could double up for awhile until she got back on her feet, she’d be super mindful of your housemates & they could reasonably expect to be respected. As she is? It. Would. f*ck. Up. Your. Life. And? That sucks, but it’s also reality. You have limited space. You have roommates. And if you tried to take her in, you’d end up kicked out, because of her. At a minimum. An unfortunate minimum, but true. Because the worst case scenario is police, ambulances, lost home/job/courts/chaos.

One of my oldest/best friends is bipolar. She is incrediably well managed, but still? Has mixed episodes. So she devotes a TON of time to creating safety nets in her life for when that happens. After 30 years of hard core addiction, abuse, chaos, etc… by the time I met her… it’s a few weeks a year where she goes sideways. And? Those safety nets she’s built into her life absorb those blows. I’ve known her over 20 years. She was in my wedding party. She is absolutely & utterly reliable, & amazing, & herself… except for the occasional bad week. No worries.

But? It took her 30 years of trial & error to accomplish that.

So people like me? GLADLY take her into our lives, in any/all capacities, because she isn’t wildly out of control.

This experience your sister is going through now, where she’s learning the people she loves have HARD limits? You won’t take her in, your parents can no longer handle what she’s been putting them through? Is part of that learning process. In how we treat people. And how to treat people. And boundaries/expectations/etc.