General Help My Husband Has PTSD

[AuliiHoku]

Hello-
I have read so much on this website over the past few days and hope it can help me with what's going on in my life. I almost feel like some of the stuff I read I have wrote myself because it's exactly what's going on.

To keep it short for now. I just found out in March that my husband has PTSD, we are already not living together because of him needing space, and already he feels like he doesn't love me anymore and wants to give up and get a divorce. This has all been so devastating for me because I love him with all my heart and just want to help. I need someone to talk to about this and was hoping to chat with some people. If anyone could give me some hope that would be awesome!

I hope to talk to someone soon!
Thank you for listening & thank you for everyone who writes messages they do help me!
AuliiHoku :dontknow:

 

[Nicolette]

Welcome to the forum AuliiHoku.

There are people here whom you can talk to about your situation. I look forward to chatting to you a little later on when I have a bit more free time.

Take your time and read as there is a lot of information to be found. I'm sure it won't be long until others write in your thread.

 

[AuliiHoku]

Thank You

Nicolette-
Thank you Nicolette for getting back to me. :Hug_emoticon:I look forward to chatting with anyone that can help! Have a great day and I hope to talk to more people soon. I am feeling very emotionally tired and feel like I can't do anything but get a divorce, but that is the last thing I want to do and feel like I would be giving up on him.

*Is there an online chat where you can chat live on here?

Hope to talk to you soon.
AuliiHoku

 

[AuliiHoku]

Hello Again-
I've been having a really hard time for a while now. I just can't stop thinking about what's happening. I miss my husband so much. I go back and forth with am I supposed to support him even though he has shut me out almost completely or do I give up and move on? So many people seem to say I should move on, that I deserve better, there are a few though that say don't give up. I feel like I am going crazy and am not sure what to do. I just want the man I love back in my life, any one have any advice? I'm struggling emotionally! He is struggling more, but I need him! :wall:

 

[sisu]

Hello Aluiihoku,
I do not have a husband with ptsd, but I had a very serious boyfriend with ptsd. I know what you are feeling. When I am involved in a relationship, I am 100% there and fully on. I don't easily give up on people and I usually see only the good in people. This can be a good thing and a bad thing. I have had a VERY HARD time moving on from this relationship. I have even been through a divorce and it was easier for me to walk away from that.

I keep trying to figure out why I feel this way. Is this really the man I am supposed to be with? Where does the ptsd stop and the man start? Why can't I walk away from this. I know that most of his actions are ptsd related and I think that in my mine I am giving him a huge break for that. Most of the stuff he has said or done to me I would not have normally tolerated.

I am probably making you more confused. I guess take this time to take care of yourself. Work out, find a hobby, hang out with your girlfriends, etc. So if/when he does come back and is ready to work things out...you are feeling like the best person you can be.

Take care of yourself.
Sisu
:Hug_emoticon:

 

[AuliiHoku]

Hello Sisu-
Thank you so much for writing to me. I have some of the same feelings as you

When I am involved in a relationship, I am 100% there and fully on. I don't easily give up on people and I usually see only the good in people. This can be a good thing and a bad thing. I have had a VERY HARD time moving on from this relationship.

I keep trying to figure out why I feel this way. Is this really the man I am supposed to be with? Where does the ptsd stop and the man start? Why can't I walk away from this. I know that most of his actions are ptsd related and I think that in my mine I am giving him a huge break for that. Most of the stuff he has said or done to me I would not have normally tolerated.

I feel like you are talking for me!! This is exactly how I feel, but I LOVE HIM. I am torn at the moment of what to do. I have not talked to him since Thursday night (this is the most we have probably ever stopped talking) and it is SO hard~ I hope things will eventually come around soon, I'm not sure what I am going to do otherwise. I just don't want to give up yet. I am trying to do all that I can to put my mind off of it, I still find myself thinking about it constently (what is he doing, where is he, is he ok, does he know that I love him and want to be with him, will he come back to me, does he miss me??) It goes on and on!

Thanks again for writing, I hope we can keep in touch. How are you doing right now with everything? This is so tough, I wish no one ever had to go through this!! I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I almost want to be one of those people that goes around and talks about trauma so that I can prevent this from happening to someone else in the future. Love to me is the best thing and without it I am lost. I just want it back! I Love "My Mister" as I call him :wink:

 

[lostsugar]

Auliihoku- I too feel the exact same way you do, I don't feel so alone in this. I love my husband with all my heart and soul. He just got back from Iraq mid-march, I knew he wasn't the same. I tried to act like everything was the same just long enough for him to get out of the army which wa supposed to be three weeks ago but still hasn't. I'm in one state he is in another. Last thursday he told me he didn't love me anymore, the the next day he did, and the next day he didn't. Yesterday he wrote me an e-mail saying he wanted to seperate and doesn't love me anymore, I'm so lost. I feel like I can't do or say anything right. I know deep down he does love me, I just have to keep telling myself that. He is so numb to any emotion. Now he saying he is not coming home. I just want to crawl up into a ball and sleep until this is over. But I know it will never be over it is going to be a rough road...again I'm glad I'm not alone and someone DOES understand exacly how I feel. I hope we can keep in touch.

 

[giemygirl]

Hi,
I am sort of in the same boat. My husband and I are still living together but it is pure hell most days. I don't want to leave either because I know he is sick and essentially his actions and words are not really his. It is just so hard with him flying off the handle at every little thing and not knowing how he is going to react from one moment to the next. I am constantly walking on eggshells. Additionally, he is convinced that as soon as I finish my Master's degree in December i am going to leave him anyway (I have no plans to do that). I love him with all my heart but he is not him any more.
I wish I could offer you some advice but I guess I am seeking some as well.

 

[Nicolette]

He just got back from Iraq mid-march, I knew he wasn't the same. I tried to act like everything was the same just long enough for him to get out of the army which wa supposed to be three weeks ago but still hasn't. I'm in one state he is in another. Last thursday he told me he didn't love me anymore, the the next day he did, and the next day he didn't. Yesterday he wrote me an e-mail saying he wanted to seperate and doesn't love me anymore, I'm so lost.

Lostsugar, I wouldn't wish this kind of emotional torture on anyone. However, I am afraid to say it is somewhat a typical response from someone who has gone to war and is exposed to terrible things. I doubt your husband is doing anything on purpose as he himself sounds terribly confused.

For all of you enduring this situation my heart goes out to as it must be dreadful to live like that.

 

[heartbroken]

I doubt this is going to help at all, but don't give up. I've been told by several people on this forum that PTSD sufferers are often incapable of showing their feelings - even though he may love you very much, he may not be able to show it. My husband is the same way. Is he being treated at all? If not, I can't say enough how important it is to encourage him to get help. It may take a while (it took two years to talk my husband into it) but keep trying.

 

[AuliiHoku]

Hello to Everyone- I'm sorry that I have not wrote back for a few days, I have been quite busy with the Memorial Day holiday. I hope everyone had a great one. I really appreciate everyones comments. It helps to know that there are others that are going through the same things and we can try to help each other. I pray for all of us, and hope we can all get through this good or bad.

Things aren't going much better for me, however I am trying to be as strong as I can. I'm not sure if there is much hope for my Husband and I, he just really wants to give up right now. I believe that he just really can't think right now and so anything he says is just upsetting. I have been torn with do I stay or do I go? Some of your comments have given me hope to hang on and to not give up. I have tried so hard already and he knows that I haven't given up, but I still lost.

We still aren't living together (about 2 months now) and he just recently took alot of his stuff from our house. We are going to check on getting rid of our house in the best way we can and who knows what will happen after that. I will see him tomorrow night, I just want to have a fun night, but we actually have to meet with the realtor so I'm sure it will go different than expected. I hope for the best, but I'm not sure if much will change.

I'm not sure what else to say at this point, I just wish everyone the best. I hope things will get better for me, even if we do split up (which is still the last thing I want). I just read an article tonight https//news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080527/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/troops_post_traumatic;_ylt=Ajk7H97r2KMTasrrCvnhUXwDW7oF
Hopefully you can see it ok. It's about PTSD Effecting troops. My husband isn't in the military, but I know some of your's are. I never heard anything about ptsd and now that I have been reading so much about it, It's just so hard. I just wish that NO ONE would ever have to go through it! I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I wish there were more I could do to help so that NO ONE EVER HAS TO LOOSE THE PERSON THEY LOVE~~

With Love- Everyone take care, I hope to talk more soon!
Thanks again
AuliiHoku

 

[AuliiHoku]

Hello Everyone-
I just wanted to say thank you to anyone that has wrote back to me, I'm sorry that I have not responded sooner, but I have been so busy. I really appreciate everything and wish I had more time to write, but things aren't much better for my husband and I. I feel like he is just completely done and that's all he wants to do. I am not really ready for that yet, but don't want to hurt anymore at the same time. I still don't want to give up, and your comments have given me some hope. I have done so much all ready to show him how much he means to me, unfortunately he knows it, and he cares about me but I feel like because of what he is going through he just doesn't know how to love right now. I really liked these statements:

I don't want to leave either because I know he is sick and essentially his actions and words are not really his.

I doubt this is going to help at all, but don't give up. I've been told by several people on this forum that PTSD sufferers are often incapable of showing their feelings - even though he may love you very much, he may not be able to show it. My husband is the same way.

he wanted to seperate and doesn't love me anymore, I'm so lost. I feel like I can't do or say anything right. I know deep down he does love me, I just have to keep telling myself that. He is so numb to any emotion. Now he saying he is not coming home. I just want to crawl up into a ball and sleep until this is over.

Those show exactly what I have been going through. I am still torn everyday with do I give up or do I stay. Leaving is the last thing I want to do so I hope the best, but I guess only time will tell. I just want him to get better so bad and become the man that everyone has loved with all their heart since the day we met him. I wish there was never such a thing as PTSD, I NEVER WANT ANYONE TO LOOSE THE PERSON THEY LOVE WITH ALL THEIR HEART! It to me is the hardest thing EVER~

Please take care everyone and I hope to chat more soon.
I'm so glad I have others to talk to about this!
Please keep in touch!
AuliiHoku