Supporter Help - partner has ptsd

[SMJ]

Hi there I have just found out my partner (10 months) has PTSD. He told me 4 weeks ago and says he's going through an episode and refuses to see me. I did have an inkling something wasn't right but he hid it so well. I don't know how to help him. I went to his house and he called the police as he said I was 'scary'. I'm so confused. I love him - I adore him.

He only has one friend he talks to at the moment who has told me that he is thinking about suicide. This friend also suffers from depression and medicates with illegal drugs.

I know I need to respect his boundaries but I also want him to know I am here for him. What should I do?

 

[EveHarrington]

He has told you he wants to be alone.

Please leave him alone.

Do not contact him. When it’s to the point of police involvement, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Are you willing to risk a police record to give him your version of “help”?

 

[Justmehere]

You could provide his friend info about crisis resources in the area. He can call them for advice how to best handle the suicidal statements.

Otherwise, yeah, you gotta respect his boundaries. Trying to tell a sufferer that you are there for them when they have called the police on you because they believe you are scary... well, look at it this way: as a sufferer, if I am scared of someone, even if that fear is misplaced, and that someone is trying to impress upon me they are there for me, and not going anywhere - this isn’t reassuring. Regardless if my fear as a sufferer is fitting or not, it isn’t reassuring. I will be more scared.

However, if the “scary” person backs off and clearly respects my boundaries, and gives me space, period, that might actually be reassuring and helpful.

You clearly know he doesn’t want to see you. I’m guessing this is the last thing you want to read about someone you adore, but you have to accept that refusal to see you, and walk away. That’s the best way to help.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@SMJ...the National Suicide Hotline number for your partner's illegal drug-seeking friend is (800) 273-8255...and I'm curious...since you initially had an "inkling" something was amiss with your partner of 10 months what now is the draw to this man...who is telling you to leave him alone?

What is drawing you to him? Please ask your self this question...for this may be one of the most important questions you ever ask of your self? Does he remind you of anyone from your personal past? Just wondering here...that's all.

And now that you now know that he has PTSD and now it seems by what you above-posted that he is unwilling to allow you to be in any part of his life...have you thought of therapy for your self?

I mean to deal with the fallout of learning that your partner has PTSD and is not doing so well...and has now pushed you away...and how you are still trying to love him...just wondering here.

I couldn't "fix" my father...nor could I help my self all by my self. I had to undergo intensive trauma therapy. And perhaps you may want to very seriously consider backing away from this very newfound relationship of only ten months.

And allow your self to be with someone who doesn't push you away and make you feel like nothing. For I would feel badly if my partner treated me as yours is treating you now.

I hope others will come here and share their points of view as well. And that you will perhaps learn in therapy to healthier value your self more and leave him alone (since he's made it clear re: same).

And now you may need to focus on your own life and your wants and needs.

For how is it possible to love someone who does not love you in return and give you anything in return...I'd think that you'd certainly be much healthier and much happier with someone who is willing to try and share their life with you and to try and mutually love you @SMJ .

Instead of someone who has threatened you (to call the police). For me, you are worth far more than this pain-filled intense and breaking-down relationship. Take good care of you now, please!

 

[Justmehere]

National Suicide Hotline number for your partner's illegal drug-seeking friend is (800) 273-8255...

This is a great number for those in the US. The OP appears to be posting from Australia. A more appropriate in-country crisis support line might be: https://www.lifeline.org.au/

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Thanks @Justmehere...for I was not...until now aware of the Australian flag next to SMJ's name.

 

[SMJ]

Thanks so much - all your comments are really helpful. I suppose I am wondering if he is pushing me away because of the illness. He said a few weeks ago he didn't deserve me. I just want him to know I'll be here when he is ready but not sure that will ever happen now. I am not sure why I am so drawn to him. I just know he is good and would never hurt me intentionally but perhaps that is naive and I do need to move on. He's actually one of the best people I have ever met.

And no@JadesJewel I do n't have nay past issues to deal with. I've a relatively good life. I could help him if he'd let me in.

I am definitely leaving him alone now but wonder if he recovers from this episode will he change his mind? Someone talked to me about dissociation as coping mechanism and his friend told me he will forget about the police thing and all the stuff he has said to me as he starts to recover. I have so much to learn so would love to hear from sufferers.

Best SMJ