Apologies for the length of this post. I need to vent and there's no one else I can talk about this to. I posted a few months ago saying that I suspect my long-distance boyfriend has combat PTSD. As I said in that thread, he ended up going to the VA on his own, before I had to try to convince him to do it. He spent a few weeks seeing a VA therapist and was diagnosed with PTSD. During his time in therapy, his mindset completely turned around, and he was like a new person. He was so happy to finally understand what had been going on with him and that he could talk about these things on his mind to someone familiar with what he was going through.
Unfortunately, he hasn't been able to receive disability compensation yet (the amount of paperwork is absurd), and while all that was going on, he was looking for a job because he was out of work and depressed about that. Well, he got a job. A good one, one that he likes. Problem is, now he can't see his therapist anymore because of the job's hours. I'm pretty sure his therapist sees this as a problem too, but that didn't change anything. And since getting the job and not seeing the therapist, he's been sliding back into being the way with me he was before, regularly blowing up at me over the phone over something I said or even didn't say, something he assumed I meant, or some sort of question I'd normally be able to ask him and he'd discuss it with me.
When this happens, he completely goes off the deep end, swearing at me, hanging up on me, calling me back, swearing at me more, not letting me explain what I actually meant, telling me we are breaking up. Multiply this times 20 and you'll see what I end up being on the receiving end of in a single night of this happening. It is totally disproportionate to anything I said, and he doesn't quit. He just keeps calling and calling and calling, even though I'd told him I wouldn't be answering the phone anymore tonight, leaving me voicemails accusing me of playing games with him, and he says our relationship is over. He will leave me 10 or more voicemails saying essentially the same thing. One time during one of these incidents, I turned off my phone and went to bed because I couldn't deal with it anymore, only to wake up to 17 voicemails from him where he said nearly the same thing in every one, awful stuff about his feelings about me and that we are through... up until one more voicemail he left several hours later, where he'd finally come to his senses and begged my forgiveness. This all while I was sleeping.
This identical thing has happened so many times over the years that I learned long ago not to take it personally. It doesn't seem to matter whether I'm the one who called him, or if he initiated the conversation with me. Despite my long-winded post here, we don't have the stereotypical man/woman communication style of me doing all the talking - he really likes to call me and talk about what's going on in his life and hear about mine. Most of the time, we have great, fulfilling conversations, and I feel very close to him. When we do see each other in person, he's usually OK and enjoyable to be with, but even then he occasionally slips into this weird mindset, and I just kind of sit there dumb because I have no idea what to say, since it's like talking to a brick wall at those times- like my boyfriend disappears and I have a stranger in front of me.
Would it be a terrible idea for me to call up his VA therapist and talk to him about what's happening? I don't know if that sort of thing is okay. I understand confidentiality and wonder if he'd be able to talk to me at all, or at least listen, about what I've been dealing with.
Unfortunately, he hasn't been able to receive disability compensation yet (the amount of paperwork is absurd), and while all that was going on, he was looking for a job because he was out of work and depressed about that. Well, he got a job. A good one, one that he likes. Problem is, now he can't see his therapist anymore because of the job's hours. I'm pretty sure his therapist sees this as a problem too, but that didn't change anything. And since getting the job and not seeing the therapist, he's been sliding back into being the way with me he was before, regularly blowing up at me over the phone over something I said or even didn't say, something he assumed I meant, or some sort of question I'd normally be able to ask him and he'd discuss it with me.
When this happens, he completely goes off the deep end, swearing at me, hanging up on me, calling me back, swearing at me more, not letting me explain what I actually meant, telling me we are breaking up. Multiply this times 20 and you'll see what I end up being on the receiving end of in a single night of this happening. It is totally disproportionate to anything I said, and he doesn't quit. He just keeps calling and calling and calling, even though I'd told him I wouldn't be answering the phone anymore tonight, leaving me voicemails accusing me of playing games with him, and he says our relationship is over. He will leave me 10 or more voicemails saying essentially the same thing. One time during one of these incidents, I turned off my phone and went to bed because I couldn't deal with it anymore, only to wake up to 17 voicemails from him where he said nearly the same thing in every one, awful stuff about his feelings about me and that we are through... up until one more voicemail he left several hours later, where he'd finally come to his senses and begged my forgiveness. This all while I was sleeping.
This identical thing has happened so many times over the years that I learned long ago not to take it personally. It doesn't seem to matter whether I'm the one who called him, or if he initiated the conversation with me. Despite my long-winded post here, we don't have the stereotypical man/woman communication style of me doing all the talking - he really likes to call me and talk about what's going on in his life and hear about mine. Most of the time, we have great, fulfilling conversations, and I feel very close to him. When we do see each other in person, he's usually OK and enjoyable to be with, but even then he occasionally slips into this weird mindset, and I just kind of sit there dumb because I have no idea what to say, since it's like talking to a brick wall at those times- like my boyfriend disappears and I have a stranger in front of me.
Would it be a terrible idea for me to call up his VA therapist and talk to him about what's happening? I don't know if that sort of thing is okay. I understand confidentiality and wonder if he'd be able to talk to me at all, or at least listen, about what I've been dealing with.
