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Supporter Here Just Looking For Advice Over Ex..

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Jons99

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Just signed up, not really sure why... I feel what she has is PTSD, but she never went to a doctor...

Dated the ex for 9 months, always knew she had closeness issues, but not the severity until we got to close.. She was coming off a divorce after being married for 9 years in which she said they lived separate lives for 7 years, she said he never hit her, but always talked down to her and ignored her, to the point of no sex in those 7 years..

With me, she just seemed to have huge trust issues and inability to get close.. She would tell her friends how great I am, but never me.. When I asked her about that she just said she would rather be alone than open up to me.. She had anxiety problems to the point of, for lack of a better term, she said she got the shits when thought about us being serious, that it overwhelmed her thinking about the future.. And then eventually seemed like she made a HUGE deal out of what I thought was a minor thing I did..

So then I eventually got the "I just need space" from her and I completely did it get it, saying she needed space while telling me that nobody ever treated her better.. So like a fool and kept pushing her, thinking if I kept telling her how much she means to me, she would see that.. This mess went on for about 2 months, and I admit it, I was over the top because it made no sense..

About 4 weeks ago she said she needed space and was pissed I wasn't respecting her wish.. I kinda thru my hands up in the air and just said whatever.. I hadn't heard from her in 2 weeks and she hadn't heard from me, I was finally able to ignore her with a plan of not making contact for 2-3 months... But one day I get a call from the police department in her home town asking me to no contact her, she said I was bringing kids over to her house.. I was stunned, hadn't text her in 2 weeks at that point. And the really crazy thing is that she told the police about me bringing kids over.. What she was talking about happened in September.. I am a high school football coach and was across the street from her house at a youth football games, one of our players was over there watching his brother. It was 90 degrees and he asked me if I could buy him a water, I told him I didn't have cash but we could walk across the street to my girlfriends house and grab water.. So we walked over, grabbed two waters and went right back to the game. This kid was in the house for 30 seconds and at that point we had been together for 6 months and I was basically living there on the weekends.. She wasn't happy about it when it happened, brought it up a few times over the next few months, but I was stunned when she mentioned it to the police..

Now the police was cool, he said she didn't want to fill out any paper work and they know her as its a small town and she is a teacher, so was more of a favor... But still crazy to me..

So now I have no sense of direction..
 
@Jons99 It is dangerous for an individual to self diagnose and just as dangerous for someone close to them to diagnose as the symptoms of many disorders overlap. For yourself, focus on your own life and make the choices that are best for you as you move forward.
 
And I do know this, I tried to get her to go to a professional and she refused other than a quick session with someone online.. Guess all I do know is that there is some sort of disorder..

As for me, I am trying to move on but it's tough when you still care for them..
 
IMHO all you can do now is accept that she is dealing with some sort of issue, and let it go.

Restraining order (or this alternative friendly version) pretty much means everything is a no go. Even if she contacts you first, you must have nothing to do with her ever again. (I've seen cases where guys ignore the restraining order and get into trouble because they thought contact was ok because the woman initiated it----nope! Until she goes to the police and tells them that contact with you is ok, this woman is non-existent.)
 
Well the cop did say she didn't want to fill out paper work.. Just got crazy there at the end, she would text me one day and said to never text her again, then two days later she asked me what I am doing.. She asked for 2 months of space, should have just done that regardless of her trying to make contact.. Guess my plan now is to make contact 2-3 months down the road like she asked..
 
Why do you think she has PTSD? Did something traumatic happen to her? To be honest, I notice a lot of new supporters on here diagnosing their exes with PTSD, and the one thing these situations always seem to have in common is that the ex has recently finished or is going through a divorce. I'm wondering if maybe the real reason for her behavior is the divorce; maybe she's just not over the previous relationship yet. I just don't really see any reason to suspect she has PTSD. Her behavior just seems like that of someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship.
 
She was in a marriage where she was constantly put down..

I guess I assumed is PTSD because one of my college buddies is a psychiatrist and he said it's highly possible that's what it is, but said it could be other things.. She has major anxiety, had unwillingness to open up to me..

So maybe it's another disorder or maybe just normal behaviour after a bad marriage???
 
You're right in widening out your thinking about what might be driving her behaviour. PTSD is a very specific condition and while isolation can be part of that, it isn't always. It can be too easy to write off bad behaviour under the guise of PTSD but there are loads of things that could be going on for her and putting it down to PTSD can sometimes mean supporters don't hold their partners accountable. I'm not saying that's what you're doing but it may help to accept that you just don't know what's going on with her.
 
Welcome to the forums :hug:

I hope this place helps you, though I recommend to get professional help and diagnosis
 
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