RedBalloon
New Here
Hi all,
I am SO pleased to find this forum. I fell head over heels (fast) with my boyfriend 8 months ago, and I don't want to run. I want to stay. My boyfriend was badly abused as a child. When I entered the relationship it presented with anxiety attacks, insomnia, and then escalated to bouts of rage. The pushing away, which I didn't understand, was/is painful, but I love this man, truly. Instead of running for the hills I implored him to seek therapy & he is now seeing a therapist weekly. The therapist specialized in DBT & CBT. I don't know if that means anything, but I sure do hope that she can help him.
It finally dawned on me that I cannot expect certain seemingly "normal" things from him, and that he needs more time away than my past partners have. The problem has been that he can not effectively communicate his need for time alone & waits until it boils into pushing me away more harshly. I am still learning his triggers. They revolve around time constraints, future planning, and more recently he seemed harshly affected by his sister and nephews coming to town, and also meeting my family. He also flies off the rails when anything reminds him of a toxic past relationship that he had with a woman who had Borderline Personality Disorder. Tone of voice and cursing also seem to trigger him. On top of all this, he has a high stress job, and a need for perfectionism, which seems very OCD. He wants to be the perfect boyfriend, and can't be. It bothers him more than it bothers me.
I am in love with him, so I want to try. Will I be successful? I don't know. I am here to learn how and to learn about PTSD. I am strong, but also realize that I will need support, too. Right now he is on vacation which he seemed to need to take alone. At first I was hurt that he didn't want to book it with me, but I understand more now. I want him to have the very best environment while he heals and goes through therapy. He is 33 and I am 38. He has never had a relationship that has lasted for longer than a year. I have had a few long term relationships that i would describe as having been healthy.
I am SO pleased to find this forum. I fell head over heels (fast) with my boyfriend 8 months ago, and I don't want to run. I want to stay. My boyfriend was badly abused as a child. When I entered the relationship it presented with anxiety attacks, insomnia, and then escalated to bouts of rage. The pushing away, which I didn't understand, was/is painful, but I love this man, truly. Instead of running for the hills I implored him to seek therapy & he is now seeing a therapist weekly. The therapist specialized in DBT & CBT. I don't know if that means anything, but I sure do hope that she can help him.
It finally dawned on me that I cannot expect certain seemingly "normal" things from him, and that he needs more time away than my past partners have. The problem has been that he can not effectively communicate his need for time alone & waits until it boils into pushing me away more harshly. I am still learning his triggers. They revolve around time constraints, future planning, and more recently he seemed harshly affected by his sister and nephews coming to town, and also meeting my family. He also flies off the rails when anything reminds him of a toxic past relationship that he had with a woman who had Borderline Personality Disorder. Tone of voice and cursing also seem to trigger him. On top of all this, he has a high stress job, and a need for perfectionism, which seems very OCD. He wants to be the perfect boyfriend, and can't be. It bothers him more than it bothers me.
I am in love with him, so I want to try. Will I be successful? I don't know. I am here to learn how and to learn about PTSD. I am strong, but also realize that I will need support, too. Right now he is on vacation which he seemed to need to take alone. At first I was hurt that he didn't want to book it with me, but I understand more now. I want him to have the very best environment while he heals and goes through therapy. He is 33 and I am 38. He has never had a relationship that has lasted for longer than a year. I have had a few long term relationships that i would describe as having been healthy.
