He's Dating...

[Bill Dickerson]

Like Whitney said it takes times. The longer you are away from him the more your self esteem will grow. Unfortunately abusive people suck the life out of you.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

ITA with Whitney. New relationships are often idyllic in the beginning before reality sets in. Even for those who knew each other back in high school. Sooner or later he will start abusing her, too. It wasn't you. It was him. There wasn't something inside of you that triggered him to abuse you. He is an abuser because that's who he is. If anything, feel sorry for the new girl. She may not know what she's in for.

ETA Not that your feelings are invalid...that's not what I'm saying at all. You have a right to feel the way that you do and it will take you time to work through these feelings.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with SOL. He is what he is. People like that do not change. You will feel better as time goes on. You are free of him now. He will never hurt you again. He will keep on repeating his abuse of others because that is who he is.

 

[piratelady]

Thank you for the support SOL and Gizmo. I am doing a little better with it. I still have the same thoughts and feelings, but the urge to cry and extreme sadness have passed. I have therapy on Wednesday so maybe he can help me truly believe what you all told me.

The kind of funny thing is when I had last saw him, it did sink in that his issues with alcohol were not my fault. A lot of my feelings of responsibility went away. I thought I was over this aspect of the trauma. It's amazing how it can just come back, as though it never left.

 

[saffy]

Hi Piratelady,

That is gutting when you see or hear that eh you must feel sad at the moment.

You certainly did not deserve the treatment he gave you though, I am not defending him at all. It sounds like he took liberties and is a very shallow and selfish man. So that will not change, she might be a bit more assertive than yoursef, she might set higher boundaries she migh have lots of confidence. But he will want back the control at some time. However, he is her problem now not yours. :hug:

When I break up I like to think that we were not compatible and if I was honest I did recognised certain negative behaviours, I just thought I was either being paranoid or in denial. I did not trust my instincts and it got way out of hand. I will learn from that for the future and try to recognise these negative traits in people before I get to know them better. And certainly learn to trust my instincts. :)

I also think I would like to thank that girl for taking such an arsehole of my hands, good luck with that!! Maybe they are more compatible. I also believe in Karma. ;)

best wishes
Saffy :)