Hesitation Of Revenge After Ptsd Of Verbal Violence

[Sideways]

You're right - you can't get that friend back now. There's a lot of things that you can't get back. Your life, and your happiness, however, are not on the list of things you can't get back.

The single most important thing right now is you. Wanting other students to learn in a safe environment is incredibly noble. But you come first. The anger is understandable, but how helpful is it to you? There is more than one way to use that anger in a constructive and healing way. Maybe what you propose is one way, but it's not the only way.

Tied up in there, from what you've written, are also feelings of guilt. Feelings that are also very real, and need healing. Are those feelings of guilt mixing with your anger? If so, how much of this plan against the professor is anger, and how much is guilt? How can you know? Maybe you can separate them, maybe you can't.

But one thing from your posts that is clear - you're proposing to end the career of this professor, for not being more responsible in class. I'm a big fan of justice, but not revenge. Is this plan just? Is ending this professor's career just? Is that how you want to make positive change? Is that really going to be healing for you, especially when the student that was abusive walks away?

They're questions that only you can answer. But if you're right, and there is no issue about "time limits" in bringing this complaint, would it perhaps be safer for you, for your healing process, to defer this decision until you have worked through the feelings driving it. Deferring the decision to a time when you are confident that the move is coming from a place of sound, level-headed, positively motivated will for change, rather than from a place of anger and revenge...

You have all the time in the world to make positive change for future students. But your time for healing is right now.

Just some thoughts...

 

[Fadeaway]

I know, revenge is a part of PTSD, but I have no idea what will come after revenge.

No, revenge is not a part of PTSD. That is human nature at times. It is not something exclusive to PTSD and many people with PTSD (based on polls done on this site) shrink back from the idea of revenge.

I think you are projecting your anger at the teacher that almost killed you onto a teacher who's only crime was burying their head in the sand. I think wanting to destroy their entire life and lively hood over that, is morally wrong. It is not revenge. Revenge is bringing negative equality to a situation. Causing someone to lose their job, would not be equal punishment for the crime. You would become the perpetrator. Could you live with that?

Your pain is causing you to be unable to see the situation clearly. I think @FridayJones hit the nail on the head when she said

That something in the situation triggered you. So you're directing the kind of rage completely appropriate for child abuse, and people not doing anything about child abuse or to stop it, onto a situation with an obnoxious student you got into an argument with, and all the bystanders. Responding to the present as if it's the past.

I think that is exactly what is happening.

Please do not take this to mean that I am not sympathetic to your suffering. Just the opposite. I do indeed feel for you and understand that you are suffering quite a bit.

 

[ladee]

I am seeing you starting to rethink this some. That is a very good thing! You are starting to see there is something else going on here and there is a definite hurt about your friend. Sometimes we have a hard time making a distinction about what is really going on, not because we are stupid, but because we have too much going on in our brain to separate what is the right way to go to make the most difference. @Ragdoll Circus, made a very good point... you taking care of you may be what is needed here... when you can possibly deal with the loss of your friend, then that is putting the feelings to a much better use. As has been repeated again and again here, we hear you. And we hear that the classroom situation was not handled best for all concerned... But in life, the only thing we can change is our selves and how we see things.... I think we are just asking you to give it more time... to talk with your Therapist more about your friend, first. I have a feeling that you will be more clear about what is going on. Sometimes when we are hurt and don't know how to resolve it or get past it, we feel the need to blame...but blame is simply a stalling game. What is really going on with you will not be resolved by getting this teacher fired. In the end, you will still have lost your friend.... that is what you need to focus on.... like I said, I am seeing you starting to rethink this... that is why we come here and ask for help. When I am too close to something, I cant see the answer for being so entangled with the problem. Give this some more thought and let us know what you think...

 

[Casey_03]

I think that if you've already waited 1.5 years, it won't hurt to wait a bit longer and let your head clear. It's never good to do anything out of anger - never has good results and anger fogs your judgment. So I say focus on the friend you lost and therapy right now, and put the revenge idea on the backburner. If you still want to take action in 3 months or so, then reconsider it then. But for now I don't see anything positive coming from it, it just sounds like you want to direct your anger at someone (which is understandable, but counterproductive).