Hey - Fiancee Has PTSD

[emmat]

No need to get so defensive, you've been called on the problematic way you expressed yourself. Just say you can see why it would be hurtful and move on. We all get misunderstood on the internet once in a while - it's the problem with only having text to communicate via.

That last paragraph is very condesending and rude though. If you ment it in a srcastic or jokey way you really need to make it much clearer. Read up on PTSD and you may understand why suggesting chilling out with some Spongebob or calling a sufferer 'jealous' for saying they didn't appreciate the way you discribed them is not particually cool. Snarking at people you upset is no way to apologise.

 

[Marley]

Okay, here's a test message, I'll keep it simple and brief, and hopefully we can all start over and just have one big PTSD hug over it ...

I can see why it would be hurtful.

Thank you for your time.

 

[amethist]

Good to see you took on board what other members have posted Marley.

As you can see how easily it is to offend so many people with just few words.

My husband is not a wild animal he is ill, he needs care and understanding. Having PTSD is not what we envisaged when we got married, it is not his fault. If I ever heard anyone calling him anything like that, they would have me to deal with.

So please be careful and considerate of others and their feelings, it's not difficult really.

Amethist

 

[Iam]

It's funny...I understand many being offended by this. For some reason I am not. I have never considered myself to be like a wild animal and would be highly offended if I thought Marley was calling us that. I don't think that was his intent at all. I think, and I could be wrong here, that his intent was to show a story of compassionate patience. A farrel cat does not trust people. Nor does an abused dog. Remember the postings about the veteran dog diagnosed with PTSD yesterday? The "wild" cat will hiss at and bite you if you try to help it, simply because it's perception is that you are going to try to hurt it. Thru compassionate patience, slowly and steadily that cat can come to trust you. Her perception must be changed a little a time. Most likely she will still be skittish around those she doesn't know but maybe someday she can view people in genreal as safe.

I know that I have that perception of people's motives on a regular basis because that is what I learned growing up, don't trust, "they are acting nice now to get me to come near so they can hurt me."

My husband has been incredibly patient with me thru the years. Even more so now that we understand why I react the way I do. It has been his steady love that has won me over.

IDK just a thought. I am not criticizing anyone for being offended and hope you, Marley, will be more sensitive in the future. We have learned to be very sensitive to unrealistic and uncaring remarks. Sometimes our perceptions of what we hear are not what is really being said. Gentle and understanding language are needed to make us feel your intentions are in our best interest. Hopefully this has taught you an invaluable lesson in how to be compassionate with your sufferer. She needs that patient, sensitive and caring love.

 

[Jline]

When I read Marley's post I had a good laugh...it was a silly and immature analogy but I understood it. We are all here to learn from each other....meow

 

[Nicolette]

and for you to critique something as small as that ... good luck with the real world!

Hello pot this is kettle! I would suggest you apply the same respect you are requesting to other members on this forum as I have seen you 'unintentionally' do the same to others here on the basis of you saying you don't understand such trauma.

 

[anthony]

Marley, I think your doing just fine... its all about learning. I would actually ask others to assist those in the right direction vs. outright criticising them. There are right and wrong ways to say many things, and I read here many sufferers also not asking questions, but more going on the offensive vs. trying to teach a carer.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

I've actually thought about this a bit - I know, thinking too much about something can actually become unproductive. But the only reply I can find is this - from the interaction that I have had with fellow sufferers is that people with PTSD have such a deep well of caring and sensitivity and empathy. And I suppose it only speaks for common sense and logic that they would --- because why would somebody who didn't have feelings possibly be bothered by a traumatic event. They'd brush it off and it wouldnt bother them. They just wouldn't care. If there's a numbing of the feelings maybe it's because the caring is SO deep and SO genuine that sometimes it's a little too much to take... ?

It's like the brain has literally retrained itself to flick into survival mode too easily and too quickly. And to come out of survival mode too slowly. And one of the brain's main functions is protection. And my therapist showed me this chart of the human brain and everything and explained it using all the fancy latin terms. It was actually quite interesting and made me wanna go back to uni for anoher degree because I realised how much I loved and miss learning. But anyway - to use a metaphor - she explained it like this :

Let's say for example you are in Africa in an open top jeep and then a group of lions comes out and starts circling the jeep. Your brain, without you asking it to, will pump adrenalin into your body - for survival. Your senses will become more alert, etc etc. All in the name of 'survival'. In someone with PTSD the brain is bypassing the filter function and flicking straight to 'threat mode' too easily. Fast on, slow off. Now this would be awesome if it were right before a hundred metre sprint. You'd probably kick as* all over the shop. BUT, when you're just interacting with someone it becomes a problem.

Marley - I suppose when you interact with your partner who has PTSD you have to remember (hard as it is) that this person is unconsciously hitting the defence switch all the time. And that's where a lot of these behaviours come from. And I guess you just read, read, read. Try to understand. And if it ever gets too much (and possibly a sign of that could be severely hitting back) then you make the decision that its not a healthy dynamic and you walk away. I think it takes a special match for a sufferer and carer to link together for the benefit of both. Don't get me wrong - I do commend your effort.

 

[goingonhope]

Marley, let me know if I got this right? You're now involved in your first 2 year relationship with a PTSD sufferer and you're generalizing your perceptions and possibly your experience, to All Ptsd sufferers. Is this right? As a Carer there is a carers diary section to sort through thinking like this.

As for me taking offense to this it's not even possible, as my educated guess is that you're speaking from a place of hurt and frustration.

Most importantly, Take Care Marley, and I wish you well on your journey!


Hope

 

[goingonhope]

:hello: pru696, Welcome to the forum. This is a great forum with and abundance of good, accurate info. and support. Lots of good stuff! Hope you find it, read much and participate. Hope you find the support you need, it's here. Wishing you my Best in your relationship. Look forward to seeing you around.

Hope

 

[pru696]

thank you goingonhope.

 

[Marley]

Iam is right on target with what my intention was with posting something like that ... I need to take better care with what I say on here. A whole lot of literal readers we have here! As silly as my analogy was, I did not mean AT ALL that sufferers are wild animals. Initially I was just trying to relate to others by saying that just like animals need love and respect, the sufferer needs love and respect ... have I stepped on any toes yet? Okay, good ... :)

After reading many situations and scenarios on here, I have felt more and more that my girlfriend does not have PTSD, nor did she ever. I am either rejecting the disease altogether, or ... just choosing not to believe in it. I'm obviously in a frustrated situation over this. Giving her this title of PTSD has made me feel like she's some special person and that she deserves special care, and in some situations, she does. But I think it's more due to anxiety issues, and her challenge of living with a messed up family with problems of its own. The special attention she THINKS she needs, it has really made me push it away, just push the whole thing away.

Obviously I'm still trying to work this out. I did not need to stand corrected in what I said before, it was just misread in the wrong way, and I probably could have reworded it better. Thanks Iam for taking light of what I was trying to say, and I hope the good lot of you are taking good care of those wild animals of yours ... outside ... in the cold ... I'm not talking about your significant other, either.