Hey - I Need To See Someone - But I Still Don't Want To Face It..Help?

[Iam]

Hi Samuel and welcome to the forum ;o) I understand your hesitancy. It is a scary thing to open up and be vulnerable. I am glad you found this site. It should help you come to some decisions that will be right for you.I had been in therapy for a complete breakdown 8 yrs ago & was dx with PTSD at that time but then we moved and I stopped therapy. I am almost 51 now and have been in therapy again for 10 months. I so very much wish I could have gotten therapy when I was a young adult like yourself. Maybe I wouldn't have been ready to divulge everything, but I knew I needed help.

kers is right. You don't have to share everything right off the bat. Counseling requires developing a relationship with your therapist and you have to trust him or her completely. That can take time depending on if you have deep seated trust issues or not. You also need to find one that you can connect with. A good therapist will help you to open up at the pace that is right for you. They are there solely to help you, to listen without judgement and to help you sort out your feelings and how those feelings are affecting your perceptions and actions.

You are obviously very bright intellectually and want to understand what is going on with yourself. I really encourage you to follow thru with your gut instinct that you need help. Like I said, I wish I had done it much earlier. So much pain and isolation could have been avoided if I had.

It is all your call. Do what you need to for yourself. You are strong and can do it ;o)

 

[Samuel]

Thanks everyone for your support - I gathered the courage to go the GP today - got the official diagnosis. The bad thing about studying psychology is that I can practically diagnose myself before I get there. I guess I was hoping I was wrong. I'm stupidly depressed tonight. I no I shouldn't be because I already knew to an extent. But it feels real now. Im an official PTSD sufferer. I have the number and referral for the psychologist but I haven't made an appointment yet. Thanks for the suggestion Blackpearl - I might take my guitar with me when I make the appointment - sounds like an odd thing to do but it should calm me down.

Its odd I dont really confide in anyone about my problems. Except Henry - but he's my diary (I wish he were a real person - because he already knows everything now :P). But writing music is like the most powerful tool I have - I write lyrics and instrumental pieces when Im experiencing the emotions - its the most real thing I have.

Thank-you for giving me the courage to go today - at least that part of my journey is done now. Im one baby step closer to getting the help I need.
Samuel

P.s. Total side note..but does anyone else find it odd the PTSD comes up as a spelling error on a forum for PTSD

 

[blackpearl]

Did you have to meet a doctor only once to get diagnosed as a Ptsd case !? You must be kiding...

 

[Lucycat]

Well done Samuel!

Get on the phone and make that appointment as soon as you are able. You have already done the hardest part. Does it not feel good to know that now you are on the road to recovery?

Blackpearl, I too was diagnosed at my first appointment. I was shocked, having not considered PTSD nor knowing anything about it. But to my T. it was clear cut, and he just asked the Psychiatrist to make the diagnosis 'official' and he added the Complex bit. I guess it is a case of ticking all the boxes by someone with experience who actually knows what they are looking at/for.

 

[blackpearl]

Lucycat,

OK, I just had another experiences. I was unluckily mentally tortured instead. I just couldn't tell about anything under the circumstances I was treated, it means I didn't get treatment or got diagnosed either until five years later. Today I'm retired and done with councilors, no bore bull ! Even ordinary people who tries to play games.

But It's good for you that you two did get help right away.

 

[Iam]

Way to go Samuel!!!! You have so much courage and determination! I am happy that you are on your way to getting the help you need and deserve. Do you feel like a little of the burden has been lessened? I hope so. Now on to the next step. We are here cheering you on!

 

[Sammy]

Each step is a victory.

Way to go Samuel!! :clap:

 

[Samuel]

Blackpearl: "Did you have to meet a doctor only once to get diagnosed as a Ptsd case !? You must be kiding..."

In short no...

In long Not exactly ...
The actual trauma I suffered is complex...It involved my brother. The lady I saw is my family Dr...so she new every detail of the trauma already - except the impact it all had on me. Now she knows that too. It was an hour long appointment which included a total breakdown on my behalf. I came out with a percription for anti-depressants..not the first time that's happened.

I hate my government though - because Im 19 living out of home supporting myself - I can't afford medical extras like psyc - so I needed the referral to be able to go to the psychologist and have the reduced rate for "poor - student". To get the referral though I actually needed to talk with the dr. for ages and discuss my anxiety triggers etc. It seems counter productive.

I feel quite sick after it all. Exposed. I didnt sleep all last night - I can't

 

[Frog]

Hi Samuel,

Completely relate to the counterproductive part of having to lay it all on the line - when you suffer PTSD its a contradiction to have to relive it all in a clinical tick-box session!
Don't know about where you are but perhaps also similar - but UK GPs not good at tackling `psychological-emotional' stuff + usually mess it up, while u have a nervous breakdown in front of them + they remain oblivious!
Doesn't give me faith to go back for more of the same blind, insensitive handling.

best wishes.. let me know if you achieve what you set out to and get the support you need.
I am still thinking through my options. Biggest consideration is that I try to write a precis of my main difficulties and symptoms + just hand it over, since I get massive panic attacks and can't get the words out - this makes sense to me..

 

[blackpearl]

OK, then it sounds more logical to me. The first thought was just like: Say what !?

I can't either afford treatment...

In time you will get sleep, I think the first years is the hardest then you learn to deal with all emotions in time and calm down naturally. But I know it's hard. There was lot of times I wanted to die, not for depression, but for the constant pain and so on. I believe it in usual cases gets more easy to handle all of that when your thoughts get use to it. Sleeping pills can be usefull and necessary for a shorter period... like one-two years you know...

 

[Iam]

Sharing is bound to make you feel exposed Samuel. Unfortunately we have to expose our hurt, trauma and fears in order to heal. To allow yourself to become vulnerable like that can be terrifying and it takes a lot of courage. You are doing the right thing Samuel and it will pay off in the long run. I am just so happy you are doing it now, while you are young. I am 50 years old (well 51 next week LOL) and am only now finally dealing with it. Because I waited so long I have behaved in ways that have added to my emotional problems that now add to the things I need to work through. By doing this now, you will put some things to rest and learn new coping skills that will give you a long and wonderful life! Don't quit...work thru the fear and thru the trauma now. Believe me, you will be much better off because of the hard and courageous work you are doing now!