Naive_Pixie
New Here
Hey Everyone,
So I generally really dislike introductions and meeting new people, but here goes..
The other day I was attempting to explain to my best friend how PTSD effects my behaviour and such. I couldn't find the right words or explanations so I finally googled and stumbled upon this website. I've already found some helpful things in some of the posts and threads here and for that I am grateful, I figured why not give it a go.
I was diagnosed with PTSD the day I left home when I was 17. I'm now 24 and have undergone some therapy over the past 16 months or so. In the process I discovered that I have likely suffered from it since aproximately the age of 2 along with varying amounts of physical, psychological, and spiritual abuse. The possiblity of there being other types is extremely high seeing as I have no memory of most of my childhood and also the symptoms that haunt me; along with being diagnosed with dissociation and anxiety. I also suffer from amnesia with dissociation. After I left home, I ended up in several different abusive relationships, which added to the complexity of the already existing diagnosis.
It has taken me a long time to come to a point where I wanted to deal with any of it.. In fact, I never really ever did or ever have WANTED to. At one point I decided I would rather just leave it all suppressed and maybe just get on with life...
But my subconscious had other ideas..
Over the last month or so I've had several of these memories become "memorable". Not all of them have been terrible and horrible.. but the ones that have been have been overwhelmingly horrific.
Even though I have no memory of what exactly happened, I have always known, or at least thought I have. In other words, I've explained certain things to professionals or close friends from my past. Some have found them difficult to believe for good reason, however now that I remember what it was ACTUALLY like, it's a whole lot worse than what I guess I 'thought' happened.
These flashbacks have left me unable to bear most forms of touch, unless I'm psychologically prepared for it. I've had to attempt to tell my kids that they can't just run up and hug me anymore and such. Other things that happen are just as bad and sometimes leave me unable to actually function at all. It sucks and I know that others here will understand what I mean.
I have tried pushing everyone close to me away in recent times, mostly my best friend - currently "my partner that's not my boyfriend" (sounds weird but hey its the only way my head will think about it without freaking out). I guess I found out here that those are pretty classical behaviours for PTSD... I didn't feel so crazy. I still feel like I'm completely nuts but it's nice to know I'm not alone with this. He has been the most supportive amazing person in the world particularly over the last month and I don't know where I would be without him around..
There is so much more to my story... but writing what I have has been difficult so I shall leave it here for now..
I'm looking forward to meeting you guys on the forums etc and hope that along the way I might be of some help to others here too!
Love and Light
Pixie
So I generally really dislike introductions and meeting new people, but here goes..
The other day I was attempting to explain to my best friend how PTSD effects my behaviour and such. I couldn't find the right words or explanations so I finally googled and stumbled upon this website. I've already found some helpful things in some of the posts and threads here and for that I am grateful, I figured why not give it a go.
I was diagnosed with PTSD the day I left home when I was 17. I'm now 24 and have undergone some therapy over the past 16 months or so. In the process I discovered that I have likely suffered from it since aproximately the age of 2 along with varying amounts of physical, psychological, and spiritual abuse. The possiblity of there being other types is extremely high seeing as I have no memory of most of my childhood and also the symptoms that haunt me; along with being diagnosed with dissociation and anxiety. I also suffer from amnesia with dissociation. After I left home, I ended up in several different abusive relationships, which added to the complexity of the already existing diagnosis.
It has taken me a long time to come to a point where I wanted to deal with any of it.. In fact, I never really ever did or ever have WANTED to. At one point I decided I would rather just leave it all suppressed and maybe just get on with life...
But my subconscious had other ideas..
Over the last month or so I've had several of these memories become "memorable". Not all of them have been terrible and horrible.. but the ones that have been have been overwhelmingly horrific.
Even though I have no memory of what exactly happened, I have always known, or at least thought I have. In other words, I've explained certain things to professionals or close friends from my past. Some have found them difficult to believe for good reason, however now that I remember what it was ACTUALLY like, it's a whole lot worse than what I guess I 'thought' happened.
These flashbacks have left me unable to bear most forms of touch, unless I'm psychologically prepared for it. I've had to attempt to tell my kids that they can't just run up and hug me anymore and such. Other things that happen are just as bad and sometimes leave me unable to actually function at all. It sucks and I know that others here will understand what I mean.
I have tried pushing everyone close to me away in recent times, mostly my best friend - currently "my partner that's not my boyfriend" (sounds weird but hey its the only way my head will think about it without freaking out). I guess I found out here that those are pretty classical behaviours for PTSD... I didn't feel so crazy. I still feel like I'm completely nuts but it's nice to know I'm not alone with this. He has been the most supportive amazing person in the world particularly over the last month and I don't know where I would be without him around..
There is so much more to my story... but writing what I have has been difficult so I shall leave it here for now..
I'm looking forward to meeting you guys on the forums etc and hope that along the way I might be of some help to others here too!
Love and Light
Pixie
