So, it makes it hard to trust who's "more right" than the other.
Honestly? It doesn't matter who is right and who is wrong. At the end of the day, you feel bad. This relationship makes you feel bad. And you're an adult, so you're actually allowed to choose who you want to be around, and you don't even need a reason for it. The fact that you feel bad all the time? Is a good enough reason to leave her. It doesn't really need to be any more complex than that.
Disengaging from someone won't destroy them. If they say it will, they're lying. Human adults are capable of existing on their own. If that were really true, then she wouldn't have had the capacity to consent to a romantic relationship or sex to begin with. She can be by herself. She can deal with all of her emotions and behaviors and hopes and dreams - all of which belong to her - by herself.
And you can unpack the speakers, and play a f*cking videogame.