Hi all,
I'm new here and I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Taylor. I am not sure if I have PTSD; however, I feel like I may have a minor form due to, basically 2011. This may be a long post...
I turned 25 in August. All my life I have been pretty cool as a cucumber, although I have had a few things that I realize were some underlying anxiety--maybe I would kind of gag in the morning before school just thinking about my day, but once I got there everything was fine. I had a week of panic attacks when I was 15ish, when I was in the band room with 150 people at high school, but a sample pack of Paxil and a week took my mind off of it enough and I've had no problem since.
I went to college for five years and I had no anxiety about assignments, or stress (I maybe would have done better if I learned to stress!). I didn't and still don't have any social anxiety, and I'm not a worrier.
Anyway, in Nov 2009 I became very close to a girl. I don't think I liked her--I used to like someone easy and jump at the chance--but I wasn't really interested in anything that time. I became very close to this girl for a couple of months, we had a great time and didnt' flirt. Suddenly she stopped talking to me, told me to leave her alone, etc. It was hard on me and it took me a couple of months to stop thinking about it and just let it go. I was surprised how much it affected me.
Things went great from there. I went to Europe by myself in June 2010 and had a great time. I met a girl who ended up becoming my wife.
To make a long story short, after having some symptoms, I went to the eye doctor for blind spots that were developing in my eye. This was January 2011. He did a blood test and my white blood count was 230,000--I was diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia. I had to stay in the hospital for 8 days because of a snow storm; they couldn't send out my pathology samples to verify the results, so I had to wait. My treatment is a medicine called Tasigna (nilotinib). I take four pills a day. I am lucky to be alive, and very thankful. I have a lot of side effects such as headache; nausea; constipation; cramps; pain in my joints, muscles, and bones; and mainly fatigue. I was worried about a possible heart side effect the medicine can cause that gives sudden, symptom-less death. Yeah...scary. that stayed on my mind a lot.
That was January 31st.
-On February 8th I started my first real job, a career. I love it.
-On March 20th I got engaged to my wife. I had a panic attack that day out of no where, went to the hospital, because I felt weird and thought I was having the heart issue. I didn't have breakfast and drank too much coffee and had too hot of a shower that morning. I think that helped bring on the attack.
-I had another panic attack in April, in the middle of the night
-I began having regular anxiety in May, as well as waking in the middle of the night due to panic/anxiety. I went to the hospital in June because I didn't know yet what was happening to me. My oncologist gave me some Ativan which I took sparingly (I took my last one in Sept, it was only my 7th).
-In August on my birthday I found out that I had gone from having cancer to basically being completely cured (no evidence in bone marrow, although I must remain on medicine)--this is very quick, maybe 1% of patients achieve this in 7 months. This caused me to have a HUGE panic attack at work, I called an ambulance and left.
-I converted to the Catholic Church in September, away from my previous denomination (didn't have to do with the marriage, it was a process I began before that).
-I got married in November.
-We are now expecting a child in late August.
-My dad had a second divorce this year.
-Due to using my meager time off in the 1st year for sick days, I haven't had a day off this year of my choosing, except one honeymoon day.
Anyway, I began counseling early September and completed it in late October, I think it was 7 or so sessions. I had help talking it out as well as learning breathings and thinking techniques on the side, using apps on my iPhone, etc.
I have been doing very well. Life has been very good and I haven't had any real anxiety since probably the second week of October. I have learned how important rest is for my body, to minimalize unnecessary stress etc. However, this weekend was stressful because we had 7 different family get-togethers for Christmas, all with announcing the pregancy of my wife for the first time, and at work I noticed my body get tense and work itself up to a panic attack. Mainly the heart rate was the issue, and I got so frustrated that I was having to go through this again, use the iPhone app (I haven't since Oct), and so on, when I was never an anxious or panicky person. I thought maybe it was my body relieving the stress of the weekend.
However, I have noticed that I think about my diagnosis a lot; always have even though I am doing as well as anyone possibly can. And I am always on edge about being anxious, making sure i'm staying cool so I won't have anxiety. It is almost as though having the panic and anxiety itself has scarred me somewhat, and I am always anxious about being anxious! I don't know if this is a mild form of PTSD, but I don't fee like GAD fits me. Panic is usually pretty much under control as well. So I'm at a loss for what to do short of seeing a psychologist of some sort, if necessary (I don't have new time off until February). I also notice that whenever my body feels tense (could be due to stress, fatigue from the meds, a combination of both...) I also feel kind of angry at nothing in particular. If I get into a confrontation I develop some anxiety as well as a strong, underlying feeling of anger...
I know this is a long intro and maybe I should have saved things for separate forums. I just don't know if I have found the right place for me or not but I hope to build some support here. Thank you all. If necessary I will find a way to chop this up and put it in separate sections.
I'm new here and I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Taylor. I am not sure if I have PTSD; however, I feel like I may have a minor form due to, basically 2011. This may be a long post...
I turned 25 in August. All my life I have been pretty cool as a cucumber, although I have had a few things that I realize were some underlying anxiety--maybe I would kind of gag in the morning before school just thinking about my day, but once I got there everything was fine. I had a week of panic attacks when I was 15ish, when I was in the band room with 150 people at high school, but a sample pack of Paxil and a week took my mind off of it enough and I've had no problem since.
I went to college for five years and I had no anxiety about assignments, or stress (I maybe would have done better if I learned to stress!). I didn't and still don't have any social anxiety, and I'm not a worrier.
Anyway, in Nov 2009 I became very close to a girl. I don't think I liked her--I used to like someone easy and jump at the chance--but I wasn't really interested in anything that time. I became very close to this girl for a couple of months, we had a great time and didnt' flirt. Suddenly she stopped talking to me, told me to leave her alone, etc. It was hard on me and it took me a couple of months to stop thinking about it and just let it go. I was surprised how much it affected me.
Things went great from there. I went to Europe by myself in June 2010 and had a great time. I met a girl who ended up becoming my wife.
To make a long story short, after having some symptoms, I went to the eye doctor for blind spots that were developing in my eye. This was January 2011. He did a blood test and my white blood count was 230,000--I was diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia. I had to stay in the hospital for 8 days because of a snow storm; they couldn't send out my pathology samples to verify the results, so I had to wait. My treatment is a medicine called Tasigna (nilotinib). I take four pills a day. I am lucky to be alive, and very thankful. I have a lot of side effects such as headache; nausea; constipation; cramps; pain in my joints, muscles, and bones; and mainly fatigue. I was worried about a possible heart side effect the medicine can cause that gives sudden, symptom-less death. Yeah...scary. that stayed on my mind a lot.
That was January 31st.
-On February 8th I started my first real job, a career. I love it.
-On March 20th I got engaged to my wife. I had a panic attack that day out of no where, went to the hospital, because I felt weird and thought I was having the heart issue. I didn't have breakfast and drank too much coffee and had too hot of a shower that morning. I think that helped bring on the attack.
-I had another panic attack in April, in the middle of the night
-I began having regular anxiety in May, as well as waking in the middle of the night due to panic/anxiety. I went to the hospital in June because I didn't know yet what was happening to me. My oncologist gave me some Ativan which I took sparingly (I took my last one in Sept, it was only my 7th).
-In August on my birthday I found out that I had gone from having cancer to basically being completely cured (no evidence in bone marrow, although I must remain on medicine)--this is very quick, maybe 1% of patients achieve this in 7 months. This caused me to have a HUGE panic attack at work, I called an ambulance and left.
-I converted to the Catholic Church in September, away from my previous denomination (didn't have to do with the marriage, it was a process I began before that).
-I got married in November.
-We are now expecting a child in late August.
-My dad had a second divorce this year.
-Due to using my meager time off in the 1st year for sick days, I haven't had a day off this year of my choosing, except one honeymoon day.
Anyway, I began counseling early September and completed it in late October, I think it was 7 or so sessions. I had help talking it out as well as learning breathings and thinking techniques on the side, using apps on my iPhone, etc.
I have been doing very well. Life has been very good and I haven't had any real anxiety since probably the second week of October. I have learned how important rest is for my body, to minimalize unnecessary stress etc. However, this weekend was stressful because we had 7 different family get-togethers for Christmas, all with announcing the pregancy of my wife for the first time, and at work I noticed my body get tense and work itself up to a panic attack. Mainly the heart rate was the issue, and I got so frustrated that I was having to go through this again, use the iPhone app (I haven't since Oct), and so on, when I was never an anxious or panicky person. I thought maybe it was my body relieving the stress of the weekend.
However, I have noticed that I think about my diagnosis a lot; always have even though I am doing as well as anyone possibly can. And I am always on edge about being anxious, making sure i'm staying cool so I won't have anxiety. It is almost as though having the panic and anxiety itself has scarred me somewhat, and I am always anxious about being anxious! I don't know if this is a mild form of PTSD, but I don't fee like GAD fits me. Panic is usually pretty much under control as well. So I'm at a loss for what to do short of seeing a psychologist of some sort, if necessary (I don't have new time off until February). I also notice that whenever my body feels tense (could be due to stress, fatigue from the meds, a combination of both...) I also feel kind of angry at nothing in particular. If I get into a confrontation I develop some anxiety as well as a strong, underlying feeling of anger...
I know this is a long intro and maybe I should have saved things for separate forums. I just don't know if I have found the right place for me or not but I hope to build some support here. Thank you all. If necessary I will find a way to chop this up and put it in separate sections.
