I am not sure what to share here. It seems to be a safe place so I will try to type away. It is hard for me.
I was diagnosed with PTSD in October of 2009 after becoming anorexic and going down to 97 pounds. I could not understand why I was doing this to myself. Why I was starving myself and then I started to do some very odd things and could not remember long periods of time and I would end up in places and not remember how I got there like putting myself in the dogs cage. My husband and doctor became very concerned and knew there was more going on so I went to the hospital for three months where fortunately I was placed with an amazing doctor and he has really helped me. I continue to have many flashbacks from the abuse of my childhood but I am slowly learning to deal with them.
It is difficult because just when I think I am getting better it seems I take a few steps back. I have had to take a leave from my job as a teacher and that has been really hard because that was my escape for so many years. I have three young children and an amazing husband which has really helped me get through this. It just frustrates me so much that what some people did years ago can still control me to this day. I wake up at night in a panic for no reason and I dissociate from stupid triggers like a doorknob falling off in my hand, or someone wearing a white mask. I look forward to the day that I am better but right now it seems to be there with me at every turn.
I am sure reading and talking with people here will help me a lot.
Thanks for reading.
Brea
I was diagnosed with PTSD in October of 2009 after becoming anorexic and going down to 97 pounds. I could not understand why I was doing this to myself. Why I was starving myself and then I started to do some very odd things and could not remember long periods of time and I would end up in places and not remember how I got there like putting myself in the dogs cage. My husband and doctor became very concerned and knew there was more going on so I went to the hospital for three months where fortunately I was placed with an amazing doctor and he has really helped me. I continue to have many flashbacks from the abuse of my childhood but I am slowly learning to deal with them.
It is difficult because just when I think I am getting better it seems I take a few steps back. I have had to take a leave from my job as a teacher and that has been really hard because that was my escape for so many years. I have three young children and an amazing husband which has really helped me get through this. It just frustrates me so much that what some people did years ago can still control me to this day. I wake up at night in a panic for no reason and I dissociate from stupid triggers like a doorknob falling off in my hand, or someone wearing a white mask. I look forward to the day that I am better but right now it seems to be there with me at every turn.
I am sure reading and talking with people here will help me a lot.
Thanks for reading.
Brea
