Sufferer Hi. Feel Like I'm Unraveling...

[Alia]

Was diagnosed with PTSD a month ago. On medication and seeing a therapist. Some days feel like I'm gonna beat this. Most (like today) feel like I'm just unraveling.
Inside it feels as though my innards are on a hamster wheel, going full throttle. But on the outside, I just sit and do nothing. Don't bathe, clean house, cook or engage in any useful activities. Memory is gone, total attention deficit, unable to focus or concentrate. Sorry if I screw this up - can't manage to tie my own shoes lately.
Dr. says my misuse of alcohol is a poor coping technique, but it is the only way I can currently manage. This all started so unexpectedly - went to Doctor, thinking I was seriously going crazy. He, thankfully, recognized what was actually happening.
Just feel so alone and scared - scared this will never get better. How do I make myself do what needs to be done? Can't seem to pay bills or even open mail. My house is a disaster. And yet, here I sit, drinking vodka at 1:30 in the afternoon.
Any suggestions?

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums! So glad you are here!

Sounds like it's time to get into therapy and AA or some other recovery program to begin to get help to replace the alcohol with healthier coping mechanisms, and regain your ability to focus and get stuff done. Did you tell your doctor about your inability to cook and take care of personal care things like bathe? Seems like you have a wise doc - did he give you any referrals?

Alcohol is a depressant and increases numerous symptoms overtime, even though it doesn't feel like it. As you get sober *and* get treatment for the trauma and pain you are in, a fair amount of your symptoms will likely improve.

 

[ladee]

Welcome @Alia, everything you shared sounds very normal. The hamster wheel, the memory gone, all of it... you described a lot of us here.
I will let you know that the issue with drinking might need to be addressed sooner rather than later, Not telling you what to do, but can tell you from my own experience.... it did not do what I thought it was doing, helping me... It only contributed to all the things you shared. But that is a personal decision you will or will not make... just hoping for the quitting. PTSD is hard enough to master, without the distraction... I have been sober for many years... so will support you 100% if you decide it is not helping. Many here will relate.

Glad you are here and hope the community is validating and supportive for you... I have been at this for many many years and have grown so much and learned a lot since being here...
Sending welcome hugs if you accept them... if not, put them on the shelf and take one as needed !!!

 

[Alia]

Welcome to the forums! So glad you are here!

Sounds like it's time to get into therapy and AA or s...

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I have a wonderful doctor and he knows all of my issues. He feels, since it is so new, that my drinking, to cope, will lessen as the medication kicks in and I see the therapist. I'll see him again next week.
I was a pedestrian, hit by a car whole crossing the street, 7 months ago. I had the green light, in crosswalk.... but bad driver.
The therapist has started EMDR, which seems to be helping immensely already. Since it sounded kind of strange to me, just glad that EMDR really is a 'thing'.

 

[Alia]

Welcome @Alia, everything you shared sounds very normal. The hamster wheel, the memory...

Thanks so much, ladee. It really helps to know that others understand what I am feeling, and that I'm not going crazy or making a mountain out of a molehill. Especially about the memory being a thing of the past. The hugs are very welcomed indeed!

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome! :)

 

[intothelight]

@Alia Welcome! :)

PTSD can be treated and life can get better...much better. However to treat the PTSD you have to treat the addiction. I hope you find the information and support here helpful.