Sufferer Hi, New Here!

[Stormtrooper]

This might be too long... Sorry!

Hi! I'm a 22yo male studying something(not telling) @ a university. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and Panic Disorder. I have lived with this for about 1 year now, but the initial trauma, a terrorist attack, happened 5 years ago. So I've had a delayed response.

I went 4 years after the attack with nearly no symptoms of PTSD. Yes, right after the incident I was properly shaken up to be sure, but after a while I felt fine. I never thought about it and I would go to great lengths not to. Whenever there was something about it on TV I would turn it off. If I knew there was going to be a news article about it, I would avoid reading the paper for as long as it took to go away. My gf went through the same trauma, but we never ever talked about it, and she was fine with that. She developed PTSD right after the attack, but she's thankfully much better now, and have been for a while.

Anyway, I went on like that for 4 years until I finally hit a wall. I got properly overworked and that sent me flying off a cliff. I began to get panic attacks thinking about school and it only got worse and worse. I started to shake and twitch and I would get angry about small things I normally wouldn't care about. High stress levels aIl around. I even started wetting the bed at night to both me and my gf's great despair... I rarely remember my dreams, but I know I have nightmares as I often wake up sweating and with a fast heartbeat. I quit studying and skipped all four of my exams that spring. I had plans to take a masters degree in (not saying as all the details might reveal my id. I'm staying anon here), but instead I switched to what ever secret thing I'm studying now. I'm much happier now, so I'm glad I switched.

My gf begged me to call my GP and after a while I did. I got referred to a psychologist, but it took me half a year before they would see me (wtf, right? I wonder what could have been avoided). During this period I got worse. really bad.. I was getting panic attacks several times a week and just generally being not great. They are nearly always triggered by either being reminded of the incident or stress regarding schoolwork. As a result I failed one of my two exams this christmas, and I never fail my exams. And I got a D on the one I passed... I'm a B/C student with the occasional A... And I usually have four exams... It was a blow... Other triggers are arguments with my gf and close family (makes things hard, but we manage) and whatever social situations that I would normally consider as uncomfortable. I'm very introvert by nature, so the stress caused by this in certain social situations is what hits the panic button. I still stay social, but only when close friends are around. Panic attacks also sometimes come right out of the blue, making me question my sanity.

I was not planning on sharing this, but seeing that there have been others with the same symptoms; I have also started to experience incontinence due to my constant stress. Especially during panic attacks and during some time after. This is not exactly helping me with the whole stress thing... And this is not easy to share even anonymously, but I want anyone out there who suffers from the same to know they're not alone. There are unfortunately not that much research about this out there, so that leaves me curious. I do not think this is a common symptom, but I would be interested in hearing others experiences with this. Both me, my GP and my psychologist are pretty certain now that this is psychosomatic, and that it's not anything else more(?) severe. It's pretty hard for me to handle. Obviously... A 22yo male should not have this problem..

My current situation is improved in some ways, and have worsened in others. My panic attacks have been getting worse. Today I feel like I have had the worse day yet(!), and I'm just now beginning to cool off from the several (what I feel like've been) really really proper panic attacks today. Constant stress, high alert, my body is hurting, my head is pounding and now I felt like I needed to talk a bit about this to someone who's not my gf or my psychologist.

But... I don't think today was due to a failure of my treatment. That it has gone wrong or something. Yesterday my psychologist had me talk through the entire trauma as I remember it during one of our sessions and that left me exhausted and empty the rest of the day. To my surprise I didn't have any further episodes during the day, but today it all came out. Like some of it got flushed out. I feel like it may be easier to talk about the trauma after all this, and that's a good thing, right? I was warned about getting a reaction later, so I guess I should have expected today to be like this... I'm staying home tomorrow, though...

I hope this wasn't TL;DR. If you have any questions I'll be happy to answer. (well, might depend on the question)

 

[ladee]

Welcome @Stormtrooper. A very good start and sharing some very personal things. Just says you want help and to get better. Most of us have that flood of feelings after a very stressful revealing session with our T's. I hate to say it is normal, but it is. I am sorry you had to experience what you did ,that brought you here. But very glad you are here. We are here for you and you are not alone. And we understand wanting to talk to someone else sometimes. Different eyes and ears hearing our story. Hope to see you around. You are not alone.

 

[Stickler]

I can't talk to the fear incontinenence...but I've had problems with...physical exertion related bladder leakage, including sneeze and leak... :sorry::bag:...and when I took to wearing pads in situations where that was likely to happen?
I felt so much better.
Um...just saying.
For me, the embarrassment of buying is more than outweighed by the relief that my body can't embarrass the hell out of me with pee.

Talking about it is very likely to slowly get rid of your problems.:happy:

 

[Poofycat]

Welcome! I also had delayed onset of PTSD (16 years). It is a very, very strange situation to learn to get used to. In my case my symptoms were the worst right when I began therapy and started talking about difficult things, and it's gotten a bit better since then (I'm only 3 months into therapy so take that with a big grain of salt). My work has definitely suffered, and my social life is very different than it was before the onset of symptoms, so I can relate to you there.

Therapy is a lot of work, and it can be a long road from what I understand. I'm usually in rough shape for a couple days after a session. But over time you will learn how to schedule around this. Your therapist should be able to provide you grounding exercises to help with anxiety attacks.

Best of luck to you! Be sure to read through all the info on the Home page. You're not alone.

 

[Riot]

Welcome to the forums! :)

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums :)

Voiding is super common under extreme stress/anxiety/fear. Whether it's incontinence, puking, or shitting yourself. It's part of the autonomic response.

In the States we have a few slang phrases; piss-scared, shit-scared, & gonna need a new pair of pants.

The only way to back off from it is to lower anxiety. The good news is that you don't have to quit having panic attacks for the incontinence to stop. Over time, especially as you learn more control (both how to recognize early signs, and back off... As well as how to throw the breaks on an anxiety attack mid swing), the added distress of being in a panic attack will go away. Oh. This. Okay. Your body will still be going from 0-90, but your mind won't hop on, as well. So instead of all of you caught up in the anxiety, part of you remains calm and starts grounding, and slowing things down. That will help with the voiding, a lot. Takes both time & practice.

Another thing that will help are keigles. The next 10/ 100/ 1,000 times you use the toilet? Stop peeing mid stream. At least once. The muscular squeeze to do that is called a kiegle. Then, throughout the day, practice squeezing and holding for as long as you can. (Most people cannot squeeze for more than a second or two, so don't worry if you can't, either!) But practice. A lot. In order to relearn conscious control & help the nerves recover after giving birth women are instructed to do several hundred a day. Will this help you with incontinence? Not exactly. One of the biggest tricks with panic attacks & anxiety attacks is using somatic control on top of your body's autonomic response. Like breathing slowly when your body wants to be reaching fast. It's a bit of a fight. The more somatic control we can exert? The sooner? The faster we start recovering from anxiety & panic attacks / the shorter they run / the more our autonomic nervous system gets used to getting shoved out of the way by our somatic nervous system (instead of the reverse). Generally... Whichever systems are most affected? Is where you want to start exerting control. So if you're breathing is ragged and irregular? Deep slow breath in, hold, deep slow breath out, hold. Muscles shaking? Stand up, stretch, clench, move very deliberately. Voiding? Same thing. Hence the keigles. The keigles themselves won't stop your body from voiding under extreme stress. But they will help accustom your body to being under conscious control, instead of unconscious control.

 

[forestree]

Well, Shreck says "Better out than in, that's what I always say". Sorry I don't have anything very helpful to say, but hopefully these words from Shreck made you smile a little.

I do know what you mean about the uncontrollable shaking. During my most recent performance review at work, I just cried uncontrollably. Then shaking with anger - at my boss for cornering me, and at myself for crying. Very embarrassing. I'm a 45 year old engineer, I should not be crying during a performance review! It's totally unreasonable - why am I crying? I used to race motorcycles and compete in gun matches, why would a boss getting in my face break me so badly? So, remember you're not alone in your embarrassment. Hope that helps a little :-)

 

[BlueDream]

Hi
I had the same issues as a child probably up until 6th grade. Omg sleep overs were my worst nightmare.
I have also noticed within the last 6-8 months, when I caugh hard I have leakage. What a crappy side effect, I can relate. I hope it gets better for you and your gf.

 

[Anarchy]

Welcome to the forum
Stephen Porges' poly vagal theory will give you an explanation for the incontinence, and also some clues for using exercises to send calming signals back up the vagal nerve to the limbic brain.

Re the 6 month wait for a therapist
Take a look at supply and demand curves.
What happens to demand at zero price?
Without price as a means to balance supply and demand, waiting time is one of the means frequently resorted to in order to limit demand.
Just like the apocryphal story of an American state government legislating that henceforth pi would be equal to 3, politicians ideas very seldom result in the intended outcome.

 

[intothelight]

@Stormtrooper Welcome!

A trauma therapist is invaluable and at times treatment makes symptoms worse in the short term, but can facilitate real future relief. I hope you can find this site and the support helpful.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the forums :hug: