High Anxiety, Having Difficulties Calming Down

[FreyaRose]

Hi, I joined the forum this week and wrote my first post in the introductions. Guess I just wanted to share a bit more about what's going on for me. I have a couple of long-term physical illnesses, diagnosed 12 yes ago. They affect my mobility and strength and I live with chronic pain/exhaustion. Before getting I'll I was very physically active - loved dance/swimming/walking/climbing. It's been a big adjustment to lose the ability to do those things. So life is much quieter, I have to rest for long periods and am mostly housebound and sometimes bedbound. Since being so severely ill my levels of fear and hypervigilance have gone up due to feeling vulnerable/having a massive sense of failure, and it doesn't take much for me to get triggered into massive fight/flight/panic etc. I experienced childhood and adult trauma and the fear stems from that. Due to the illness I can't run away from my self by physically exercising/socialising and so I'm forced to sit with myself and its hard.

I'm currently in a situation where I have to deal with authority figures assertively and I feel like I'm losing my mind from the anxiety and panic it's enducing. My biggest trigger is dealing with authority figures & I lose all sense of myself, cannot get calm, feel like I'm about to die. I got triggered two !months ago and haven't been able to calm my fight or flight response since. I meditate, use holistic therapies & grounding techniques but non of them are cutting it with the fear I'm currently in.

Had a situation today with an authority figure who was dismissive and I just couldn't find my voice. I was stammering, unable to physically speak, breathe etc, and am now giving myself a really hard time for not being able to be assertive with them. Anyone else have any tips on how to deal with similar situations?

Being assertive with dismissive, brusque, contemptuous authority figures renders me mute, frozen, unable to have a clear thought, right at the time where I need to have a voice. So tired of finding this so painful/terrifying.

Thanks in advance for your help.

 

[Ronin]

Can you think of them without the authority you're fearing?

Come on, so many so authoritative people have at least one area of their lives that just doesn't work. Doesn't work to their expectations. Doesn't work at the time. Where authority in another is f*ck all good. Etc.

And our bodies ultimately betray everyone of us. It's never just you.

 

[FreyaRose]

Can you think of them without the authority you're fearing?

Come on, so many so authoritative people have...

Thanks Cashew, that helps, I hadn't thought of it in those terms before. The two people I've been struggling to be assertive with get bigger and bigger in my mind while I get smaller & smaller. I've been seeing them in my mind as really small with mickey mouse voices and its helping take the edge off. I appreciate you taking the time to leave your comment.

 

[Ronin]

That's good, that shrinking them to something that's not terrifying you. :tup:

Also: you don't have to be huge. A moment of surprise often does wonders. So does self confidence.

You're not powerless with them, you just need to find out how to use the power you have.

 

[AnnaLost]

I don't know if this will help, but I used to have a very similar problem. Growing up the way I did, with the people I was surrounded with I was very small and often the tactic of "overwhelm until the other submits" was employed. Any resistance was met with overwhelming force. This made it very difficult for me to stand up for myself with any sort of confidence.

Something I found helpful was realizing how little respect I had for those specific people. They were not successful, not smart, not really anything I would "look up to". They were bullies and that was all they had. This helped my personal confidence tremendously and allowed me to maintain an objectivity when dealing with their b.s. It wasn't overnight, but gradually I found myself more willing to speak up and stand up. As @Cashew said, find how to use the power you have, because you aren't powerless. Hang in there.

 

[Graham Brown]

:hug: im glad you had the courage to join and start sharing. I hope youre in therapy.