High functioning with ptsd/cptsd

[Deleted member 541]

@Beans Thank you for the really interesting convo. I appreciate your view point and I "get" your point more now. So again, thank you for clarifying how you feel. The whole thread has been interesting. Although I will still maintain my stance that managing symptoms vs having a job is a huge difference in how one "functions"!!!!

 

[anthony]

He doesn't have a job, does this make him LOW FUNCTIONING????????? NO!!!!!!!!

I just don't understand why people keep thinking that a job, will make them high functioning. It's nuts!!!

Doesn't make me high functioning either IMHO.

IMO, high functioning PTSD/CPTSD is someone who does perform normal daily duties of life, which would include employment / activity of some kind, day in, day out. High functioning is often associated to those who can perform normal daily duties without symptoms debilitating them as a result. Many who fall into this category are workaholics, they often don't have relationships, or little time for them, because they manage their disorder with functional capacity of self.

My situation -- I can function again, but I'm far from high functioning. I am within a controlled environment where I can manage myself and function to achieve things, yet I also need time-out some days, and others I get ill as a result of doing things for a period of time.

I would honestly associate high functioning to someone who works long-hours, whether a job or raising kids, with little consequence overall to themselves of symptoms. Symptoms are there, but they literally manage them with a workaholism approach, so they can function at a high rate of personal and social actions.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@anthony This is me too. I do work, but have to come home to de-stress, wind down, whatever. And weekends is spent basically soothing myself and getting ready emotionally to do the week all over again. Just because I have a job, I don't consider myself high functioning. I just function.....

 

[DharmaGirl]

Many who fall into this category are workaholics, they often don't have relationships,

That was me until the shit hit the fan. Then I had to find another way of defining myself. I was a nurse, I didn't do nursing, so when I wasn't a nurse, it all fell apart. Which was ok, since I got a lot of healing done without hiding behind work for the first time in my life. Now I work raising and selling chickens and eggs, grow my own produce, find junk at the side of the road and fix it up. I consider myself high functioning now, because I can do these things within the context of my PTSD. I have symptoms. I take a 1 - 2 hour time out every afternoon. I have nightmares and I'm still very hyper-vigilant, but I am fulfilled by my hobbies, I have friends and neighbors that I've known a long time that I'm friendly with. I'm still in therapy, and I'm considered high functioning because I go, and have a lot of things processed before I go. I have more happy days than sad days now. I would have never believed I would have more happy days. I have a good relationship with my son.

So the point is, in my mind I am high-functioning. I set goals, I have a gratitude journal, I know what my boundaries are and I stretch them when I feel good. I feel like I am living a life I want. That to me is success.

 

[intothelight]

I would honestly associate high functioning to someone who works long-hours, whether a job or raising kids, with little consequence overall to themselves of symptoms. Symptoms are there, but they literally manage them with a workaholism approach, so they can function at a high rate of personal and social actions.

From the articles and blogs I found the following common denominators that seem to be the framework for "high functioning". Or to introduce another term perhaps recovered/remission as no one denies that PTSD/CPTSD doesn't still impact their lives, but it is minimal.

By high functioning they have stable and meaningful relationships and friendships, successful careers, enjoy outside activities, classes, hobbies and social gatherings, are reasonably healthy and have found a way to manage symptoms long term and with minimal impact to their day-to-day existence.

To use activity to the extreme is really maladaptive coping, even though it is more socially acceptable, especially in the states where working more than eight hours a day, seven days a week and forgoing vacations are hallmarks of a "successful" career person. Mostly what I was finding in the reading were individuals who were well balanced in all aspects of their life.

Obviously "successful career" can be a stumbling block, but to find some type of meaningful purpose that enriches your life could easily be replaced, as one can put their all into being a homemaker, volunteer, housekeeper, etc. So perhaps balance with minimal symptoms would be a good summation.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Many who fall into this category are workaholics, they often don't have relationships, or little time for them, because they manage their disorder with functional capacity of self.

But isn't that avoidance? If not what would be the difference?

I work but take away my service dog in training, Chopper, and I cannot even go to a store alone, I cannot drive without panicking and freaking out at every stop, and even my job is strained because of panic and a switch that goes off in my head in a spit sec when triggered to where I have no idea what I am saying nor notice there was two entire rows of co-workers looking at me until the call is over. It's odd as it seems I cannot see anything but once the call is over it all comes flooding back to me. Chopper actually interupts this as it starts with anxiety. And then he grounds me. Which would be one of his biggest tasks at my job for PTSD and it's badly needed at the moment. It seems the deeper I go in therapy the less I can function at work as, I think, the more symptoms break through that numbness which resembles denial a lot. I think anyway.

 

[anthony]

But isn't that avoidance? If not what would be the difference?

Yes... but it works for them. Avoidance is not always a bad thing, if it affects you positively. If you avoided shopping at all costs because of people, that is a negative, as going shopping has many positive and beneficial qualities (getting out, window shopping, exploring and seeing what is new, etc).

Workaholism is an avoidance method, but the difference is whether it works positively or negatively for you. Everyone needs money, so if workaholism allows you to function, not have nightmares, not suffer massive symptom breakdowns and such -- weigh it up in essence. If you're breaking down as a result, its a negative.

People do the same using smoking, except smoking will kill you. Medically proven. Workaholism??? If stressed. Sure. But if it makes you feel good about yourself. Gives you a purpose and you feel good in life. Then its impact is not likely to affect your longevity of life. Difference between aspects.

By high functioning they have stable and meaningful relationships and friendships, successful careers, enjoy outside activities, classes, hobbies and social gatherings, are reasonably healthy and have found a way to manage symptoms long term and with minimal impact to their day-to-day existence.

I would tend to agree with this. Functioning, is one thing. High functioning in essence, places you in the same capacity as anyone without PTSD. They work, socialise, do stuff, without negative symptom consequences. Everyone gets tired, obviously... but sleep fixes that and is a requirement by all.

 

[The Albatross]

Workaholism versus having a job or commitment that is purposeful, meaningful and rewarding is kinda a conflation in my opinion. Of course it is maladaptive and therefore though a societal economic advantage, is not functional living because it is something that is out of balance, whether it is avoidant in other life areas or not.

Personally I wanted/want to be in or at my "highest functional level" and that is what my recovery has aimed for. Don't think that I'll actually attain it but I trend to operate on that idea rather than settling on myself limiting beliefs or circumstances. I actually still don't know where that is because it's in the striving and strategies, and testing, and diligence that keeps stretching out improvements for me. I ain't there yet and I like it that way because aiming for normal on the bell curve when stacked against people who are not like us is actually what I want. In as much as I am capable, and I'm still finding out what that is.

 

[Chiqui]

So good topic...I always have related in my mind success, self worth, with a well paid and successful career, even though I know is not true. If so, where is the value of people? Is it based on their money and appearance? Of course not. But still find myself a failure.
Also know the other side of the coin, working, social life, voluntering work, career, traveling...and inside feeling constantly afraid and exhausted, in order to keep this facade for myself and others....I still searching for some balance, something in the middle or some inner perception totally different. Lets see...

 

[anthony]

Personally I wanted/want to be in or at my "highest functional level" and that is what my recovery has aimed for.

This is a good point for the majority with PTSD. Especially those who had a before and after to compare functional capacity with.

I think people should aim for major improvement from what PTSD has caused. Just don't confuse that with high functioning as a person within societal terms. We're all individuals. We all function uniquely. A big day for one person right now may be getting out of bed and tackling the demons in their head all day. Yet the aim is that in a few years your day has significantly changed to encompass less trauma and more active life participation. That goal makes you higher functioning uniquely for your situation -- and that is each persons goal.

My goal is to keep bettering myself. Keep finding new limits. What works for me. What does not. I can't function like my wife does, yet I also don't compare myself to her -- different people, different histories, different present tense capacities.

Aim for improvement. Constant growth. Achieve that, you continually better your life, regardless of your comparison societal functional capacity.

 

[Tinyflame]

We all function uniquely. A big day for one person right now may be getting out of bed and tackling the demons in their head all day. Yet the aim is that in a few years your day has significantly changed to encompass less trauma and more active life participation. That goal makes you higher functioning uniquely for your situation -- and that is each persons goal.

I really like this. ^

Also I think it's good to remember we are 'human beings' not 'human doings'.

I try to prioritize what's necessary first, but since none of us know how long we've got I try to ask myself in each chunk of moments or things I doubt or avoid if I'm satisfied with my choices if I croaked tomorrow. That makes me try harder or not give in to fear or the avoidance (as much). (At least sometimes! :rolleyes: It's a risk and effort to get out of my comfort zone.)

ETA, or rather, to phrase it in a positive way, what choice if necessary would I be happier I made, that's what I mean. A positive, less past-focused motivator, for me. (Self-inflicted fear for a better goal, lol. :rolleyes: )

 

[Deleted member 37085]

This is a good point for the majority with PTSD. Especially those who had a before and after to compare functional capacity with.

Since I never had a "before" I have never had a healthier past to compare my present functional capacity to. So this ptsd recovery journey (also thyroid, adhd, dyslexia, etc.) is all new uncharted therefore unexplored territory for me now that I'm not heavily medicated on so many Rx drugs for the incorrect (now corrected) diagnoses of ptsd and adhd, etc..

I am aware that I am now able to continue to try, aim, and shoot for the stars "for my higher functioning level" and my ptsd, thyroid, adhd, dyslexia recovery issues are all about learning who I am with less and less societal "judgmental" influences and also much less of my own personal self-inflicted harsh judgmental attitude about my self. Also, with less and less familial, cultural, political, and even spiritual limits/barriers and boundaries I'd heaped upon myself long after my ptsd trauma had stopped, and also am learning to drop the walls (take those walls down that try to isolate me from others and life), and am learning more and more about my self by surrounding my self with much more positive and productive people in my ptsd recovery life.

And I am also keenly aware that I am pushing myself forward to learn more (so eager to learn more about living happier, more positive lifestyle) and also am now finally learning to set serious more healthier personal limits (time and energy) and goals (healthier eating, thus feeling so much better), and learning even more in trauma therapy and in forum here about self-care, self-nurture and also limiting others due to possible negative external stimuli, so I'm in process of setting personal private boundaries too. I need to also at same time take down some serious walls that I've built up around me and allow others who are healthier to be even more of an integral part of my life (this is a very hard goal).

And that I am now my own measurement marker, and not the world (live and let live) and trying not to get caught up in other people's drama and their limited about me thoughts, beliefs, expectations of me, or even of themselves for I cannot fix anyone...no), and so now I do not spend much time at all on what and how the "normal" folks' live, think, etc. as for me there is no such thing as normal IMHO. And I've stopped trying to rescue and fix others (which allowed me to take my entire focus off my own serious issues which need attending to), and only to give my own personal experiences, strengths, and my hopes for my future to others when the occasion arises. Not a quest anymore. Focus on my self. Yes.

And I know that I can stop the distorted cognitive old tapes and put in a new healthier more loving, self-nurturing cognitive cd disc (figurative) to play instead. I am learning how to control my brain, and my mind, and my body and it feels so good to finally realize that I do have a large degree and measure of control today over how I think, feel, act, react, and continue to grow in my ptsd recovery journey.

My goal is to keep bettering myself. Keep finding new limits. What works for me.

I used to compare my self to my "golden child" bio-sister (two college degrees, looks, magnanimous personality, etc.), and comparing my self so many others as well. And of course I always came up short of who I "thought" I was supposed to be in direct correlation to who I "thought" others were (external vs. internal and what goes on behind closed doors - so to speak), and how in the hell did I really know who others were and are?

And so I would put most everyone up on pedestals, and allow this cruel and very harmful self-comparison to others has been such a so very destructive "measurement" blame-game to at times cripple, limit, and defeat (self-sabotage) me and this comparison (blame) game nearly killed me (suicidal attempt after suicidal attempt) and I nearly ended my own life. And by my comparing everybody's outsides (external) to my insides (undiagnosed, untreated ptsd, thyroid, adhd, dyslexia, etc.), well, I also stunted my own personal growth and happiness and my desire to as I am now...continue to finally...finally learn who I am, what makes me tick, and what lied beneath (ptsd, thyroid, adhd, dyslexia all being very serious issues that continue to still need attending to, etc).

We are not the same and there is no cookie-cutter one-size-fits-all means of using the same measuring stick to measure each person's - one another's growth especially my own ptsd growth because my journey from hell to where I am now is so different from the next person's personal journey from hell and now into growth. Just sayin'. Please no haters, thank you.

And when I finally after decades realized that I had been comparing my insides to everyone else's outsides (sister's, world, etc.) through fortune-telling, labeling and mislabeling, emotional reasoning, jumping to conclusions, and magnification (distorted thinking), etc. only then did I begin to put my focus square upon me, and as bad as what I've uncovered about my self and how I've perpetuated the crippling and destructive mannerisms and cruel thoughts once taught me by pervs/perps, well now I am full-on trying to stay in my own lane and heal, and thus now...beginning to grow in my own personal ptsd recovery journey.

Just don't confuse that with high functioning as a person within societal terms. We're all individuals. We all function uniquely. A big day for one person right now may be getting out of bed and tackling the demons in their head all day.

Beginning to feel the freedom now that I do not have to compare my ptsd growth within societal terms, unless I choose to and since I have ptsd...well, I choose not to. And now I continue - to the best of my ability to continue to extricate myself from what I originally thought to be all of the world's unrealistic expectations of me which were more often than not - my own self-defeating, self-incriminating, own personal and unrealistic beliefs and self-annihilating often incorrect assumptions, and self-inflicted societal walls and personal limitations that I'd heaped upon my self through my fractured and fragmented self-awareness of what I "thought" the world was all about. WT?

Now in real-time realization that this was my guilt only, my shame that had indeed originated from perps/pervs, and that I was then perpetuating same because I earlier had thought I must be according to my own calculations what the cookie-cutter, one-size-fits all robotic construct world expects me to be. No, I put that all upon my shoulders and the world did not. Sure there are cultural, societal norms and still I shoved all of these unrealistic conjectures upon my own self!

I am now learning to shed from my mind, body, and soul all of the former lies and shame-blame game that originated from perps/pervs "caregivers" and that I had perpetuated throughout my entire life. And for the very first time in my life I am in full-on self-discovery and metamorphoses and am functioning uniquely and separately from my crazzzeee maladaptive family. And I am learning to also function at times free and separate from most societal, culturally indoctrinated bull-hockey dynamic much of the time without self-guilt, self-shame, self-incrimination, and even without the self-remorse (don't wish to grieve my in-denial family members who are in full on denial about ptsd and our poor histories and sick, twisted familial background family anymore). I am done.

I now give myself permission and am free and unencumbered and only limited by my own mind and body if I so choose to limit myself to now liberally and fully explore and fundamentally grow and for the first time to...become...whoever I am to become daily, minutely...oh such freedom.

Even with diagnosed ptsd, adhd, thyroid issues, dyslexia I can now in ongoing trauma therapy to work on these issues which continue to affect me physiologically, psychologically, cognitively, socially, etc., and embrace ALL of who I am and learn how to live within my own biological framework and my own personal expectations.

I am stronger than I ever realized for having survived the unthinkable with the limitations that I am trying to turn somehow into my strengths i.e. ptsd (self-care, self-knowledge from forum, and all my friends), adhd (learning how to study differently, act/react more positively and productively), etc. I was formerly chained by so many what had become restrictions and rules, regulations, and the one-time personal prison I had chained my self into. And now I am continuing to extricate and cut my self loose from my former rigid, ruled, and chained self by learning about all that is...me...a beautiful flower in bloom.

Oh so grateful that I did not permanently take myself out of here. And that I held on to (since I had no hope of my own starting out in my ptsd recovery voyage) others' hope that was/is shared with me here in forum and out in my personal life where I live...by close friends, companions, and acquaintances, etc. And now I feel...so free...to be...me...continuing to grow...in my ptsd recovery road trip . Please forgive for my lengthy post here...please. I just wanted to share how I'm functioning now and hope that my post helps someone where they are in their own personal ptsd recovery ongoing excavation and expedition...that's all.