Okay well here goes nothing. I see the last post was posted on Jan 14, 2012, which makes me wonder if anyone really goes on this site any longer...
Anyway, I am a HSP with PTSD. It's so severe that I cannot even function any more. I cannot even find the strength to go to the doctors any more since not too many of them even know what I am talking about. I leave there leaving more depressed than going there. I remember once leaving a Endocrinologist's office with tears pouring down my eyes, passing nurses and doctors along the way with them just stopping and staring. No one asked me if I was okay or if I needed help. I blew through the front door right into my car, where I sat there for probably 20 minutes crying uncontrollably. I really thought that that doctor's appointment was going to be the answer to my misery in which I thought I had a hormonal imbalance. The doctor told me there was nothing wrong with me and basically told me it was all in my head. I waited almost an month for this appointment. It was a devastating experience.
Fast forward...I've been to holistic doctors, modern day doctors, psychologists. you name it....I've gotten no where. I've read so much that I find myself actually educating many different professionals in their own fields. I don't want to sound egotistic, as I am the FURTHEST thing from being even remotely smart, in fact, writing this sucks the life out of me to just find the right words. My brain is exhausted. My heart is drained. And my inner soul has no place to feel safe or at home. I don't know how else to put into words....I am just lost.
I've been through the following in a very somewhat short amount of time: an alcoholic ex husband, a divorce, a sociopathic boyfriend who stalked me and beat me, my only sister who died suddenly from a brain hemmorhage, then shortly my father died of a heart attack. I married a man who sensed my vulnerableness and coerced me to marry him (in such a short time) this was right after my sister died. I had NO idea what I was doing, I believe that I was in a "disassociative disorder" type deal where I didn't feel anything, only later to find him sitting on top of me on our honeymoon trying to strangle me...long story. MY only brother, who is one of the most amazing guys you'd meet, was wrongfully found guilty and sentenced to life. (another long story) The only thing I have left is a mother, a mother who has lost everything including her ability to help help herself, let alone, me. She has cried for 13 years everyday ever since my brother was taken away in handcuffs.
Anyway, you can't make this stuff up, but I wished that I did. I have never been diagnosed with HSP, but my whole life, I've always felt extremely sensitive to EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. I was diagnosed by a psychologist with PSTD in the past, and I believe that it had been lingering ever since.
I do NOT know where to turn, or where to go. My boyfriend doesn't understand, and I hate having him see me this way. And to boot, I have PMDD. Which for those who care to know, it's severe PMS. And it's really bad this time around. I've read that a lot of HSPs may get PMDD due to it's a sensitivity issue and the "professionals" again do not know why and what causes this, but it's very very tough to deal with.
I am contemplating admitting myself into a hospital, but I am not crazy. Nor do I want to come out crazy...which is what will probably happen if I go there. SO, if anyone reads this, and if anyone can share their advice, I would be greatly appreciative.