Sufferer hii.. 25 yrs old/suffering from violent & repeated traumas thru out my life…

[berryplushie]

hi my name is naomi.. lately i’ve been finding myself feeling like holy eff it’s been too much in such a small container of life and that it can be quite difficult to pretend to feel like i have a sense of unity with my life and my peers. i sought out a community where i can express these pains and grievances and maybe delight in the small wins/not feel so alone in the grief with a community of understanding individuals who are also struggling with the effects of violence and trauma on our nervous systems and lives.. so i find myself here and very grateful for a space to express such grievances..

it’s impossible to summate the entire picture but born to two addict parents, drugs and alcohol, experienced alot of neglect. s*x abuse, physical abuse & emotional abuse… lost my identity for many years felt like a constant dream/terror for some years.. coming too as an adult in my middle twenties but navigating therapies along with chronic medical conditions & having to choose one or the other at times so i can afford to live. fell in love for the first time. very grateful i didn’t know how much comfort and warmth it could mean to me.. experiencing safety & trying to let it change me but the pain of the past is sometimes constant. the flashbacks is sometimes constant. i want to keep living and trying my best. thank u for reading & connecting with me..

 

[In the weeds]

Welcome @berryplushie.
I hope you find comfort here.

 

[Survivor3]

Hello @berryplushie ,welcome to the site . I have a history of complex trauma, depression and anxiety. Always up for a chat. Again welcome .

 

[Rose White]

Welcome to the site

 

[Sideways]

Welcome

 

[katz]

hi my name is naomi.. lately i’ve been finding myself feeling like holy eff it’s been too much in such a small container of life and that it can be quite difficult to pretend to feel like i have a sense of unity with my life and my peers. i sought out a community where i can express these pains and grievances and maybe delight in the small wins/not feel so alone in the grief with a community of understanding individuals who are also struggling with the effects of violence and trauma on our nervous systems and lives.. so i find myself here and very grateful for a space to express such grievances..

it’s impossible to summate the entire picture but born to two addict parents, drugs and alcohol, experienced alot of neglect. s*x abuse, physical abuse & emotional abuse… lost my identity for many years felt like a constant dream/terror for some years.. coming too as an adult in my middle twenties but navigating therapies along with chronic medical conditions & having to choose one or the other at times so i can afford to live. fell in love for the first time. very grateful i didn’t know how much comfort and warmth it could mean to me.. experiencing safety & trying to let it change me but the pain of the past is sometimes constant. the flashbacks is sometimes constant. i want to keep living and trying my best. thank u for reading & connecting with me..

Welcome, Naomi. I'm sure you will find friends here - safe ones. Feel free to reach out when you need some comforting words.

 

[OrionHawk]

hi my name is naomi.. lately i’ve been finding myself feeling like holy eff it’s been too much in such a small container of life and that it can be quite difficult to pretend to feel like i have a sense of unity with my life and my peers. i sought out a community where i can express these pains and grievances and maybe delight in the small wins/not feel so alone in the grief with a community of understanding individuals who are also struggling with the effects of violence and trauma on our nervous systems and lives.. so i find myself here and very grateful for a space to express such grievances..

it’s impossible to summate the entire picture but born to two addict parents, drugs and alcohol, experienced alot of neglect. s*x abuse, physical abuse & emotional abuse… lost my identity for many years felt like a constant dream/terror for some years.. coming too as an adult in my middle twenties but navigating therapies along with chronic medical conditions & having to choose one or the other at times so i can afford to live. fell in love for the first time. very grateful i didn’t know how much comfort and warmth it could mean to me.. experiencing safety & trying to let it change me but the pain of the past is sometimes constant. the flashbacks is sometimes constant. i want to keep living and trying my best. thank u for reading & connecting with me..

Exact same actually, I want to respond and support however I noticed you kinda do what I do. we express needing help. Explain the situation a little bit. and then finish off by saying how everything’s being dealt with in an effective way already, even though I’m asking for help. I do it so that I don’t feel like I’m overwhelming people and feeling shame about my problems. I have CPTSD and I don’t like overwhelming people when I just need somebody to talk to. Not wanting them to run away. Idk maybe thats not you and im imagining it. i’ve also noticed that you’re highly articulate and intelligent with the way that you express yourself almost like a college thesis. Which is another way that I try to motivate people to not give up on me and run away or label me as too much. It’s like a compensatory display of “hey I’m not an idiot, I can do better, if you give me a chance”. I came here to find people like me so I can just have some friend who understands rather then trying to figure out a way to be normal again all by myself. Everything you said, I relate to, from the chronic conditions to the loss of identity and not knowing who you are. I’m super blunt and Direct and I’ve had people say I sound like an Indian scammer before I don’t want your address or your name or anything. If you would like to somebody to talk to i came here to try and find that. Please be forgiving if I said anything weird, I feel like it’s hard to find friends you relate to without trauma dumping on apps like these. Even if you don’t wanna hear a single word for me, I would love to just hear your story so I don’t feel so alone. I hope I’m not breaking any forum guidelines by trying to make friends.

 

[katz]

Exact same actually, I want to respond and support however I noticed you kinda do what I do. we express needing help. Explain the situation a little bit. and then finish off by saying how everything’s being dealt with in an effective way already, even though I’m asking for help. I do it so that I don’t feel like I’m overwhelming people and feeling shame about my problems. I have CPTSD and I don’t like overwhelming people when I just need somebody to talk to. Not wanting them to run away. Idk maybe thats not you and im imagining it. i’ve also noticed that you’re highly articulate and intelligent with the way that you express yourself almost like a college thesis. Which is another way that I try to motivate people to not give up on me and run away or label me as too much. It’s like a compensatory display of “hey I’m not an idiot, I can do better, if you give me a chance”. I came here to find people like me so I can just have some friend who understands rather then trying to figure out a way to be normal again all by myself. Everything you said, I relate to, from the chronic conditions to the loss of identity and not knowing who you are. I’m super blunt and Direct and I’ve had people say I sound like an Indian scammer before I don’t want your address or your name or anything. If you would like to somebody to talk to i came here to try and find that. Please be forgiving if I said anything weird, I feel like it’s hard to find friends you relate to without trauma dumping on apps like these. Even if you don’t wanna hear a single word for me, I would love to just hear your story so I don’t feel so alone. I hope I’m not breaking any forum guidelines by trying to make friends.

I can certainly relate to what you say. I have been dealing with my memories, with multiples Demons, for many years. I studied my dysfunctional family and even the earlier dependents of them, just to try and understand. I have read multiple books to help me thru the most tough times. I get so tired of trying to "fix" the feelings inside. Even to just feel them.
It's almost like I have given up on ever bringing these memories and feelings, to the surface. I have even gone back to T - again! I keep hoping that I can find someone to listen to the whole story and not get upset or judge me.

I can't find support from family members because multiple demons, are in the immediate family. Earlier this year the "last one" finally passed away. But I still don't know what to do with the details and feelings of each event.

I had a T who told me to "start" a journal--I asked her how far back she wanted to read! I can take her back over 40 years! LOL

--so yes, it will be hard to find a person to just listen. But you should never quit looking for a place to put your thoughts and stories. You deserve to be heard, and to release those memories and strong feelings-even if just on paper. This will help to just get them "out of you".
I had to write out each story multiple times, as I remembered more details of each one over the years. I know that they will be with me forever - but it got the story out of me, and it made it much easier to feel the memories a little bit at a time.

Over the years I was able to feel only enough for myself to handle. Then, the feelings became much easier to handle over the years. I may decide to share them with someone someday, even if we just read them. Have faith in yourself. And you will deal with them in your own way and at a time when you're ready.

I hoped this help you.