Hijacked By A Part

[watundah]

For almost a year, Ive been writing to parts as an approach to healing in therapy. I dont know if it's DID, Internal Family Systems or Inner Child.work, and I am not that concerned about that.

A.couple of things are going on, though.

1. Writing has revealed a lot of forgotten abuse. I didn't remember any of it and it.took me a while to even accept it as possible. I read that parts hold memories while ICs do not. Often reading the writing aloud in therapy, I land in a deep pit of despair. Interestingly, the writing part is more optimistic and interested in healing while my adult self feels drug.into a pit of forgotten sadness. My T wants.me.to stay present and says it is ok to feel but I need to be present and.compassionate for the parts in a way to witness, and not get drug into the darkness. How do I do this? I feel I need to grieve and cannot step back and be apart from the hurt of the past...
2. Almost every session, I shut.down and cannot talk for a slice of time. T said it is a part that is taking over. I do feel overwhelmed and shut down and cannot talk. I am not sure how to stop it. T says this is the part that needs to heal.
This stuff only happens in therapy but the sadness can linger.

I would appreciate insight of others who may experience part stuff. It is more than dissociation, I think.

 

[Muted]

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. I also find part work difficult. From what I have learned from my T. It's important to work with your parts. I named them and wrote down their characteristics and it seemed to get easier after that. I started to recognize when they were reacting and then gradually I'm learning not to let them take control. My T. Has stressed that their job is to protect me and they all serve a purpose. I guess the ultimate goal is to awknowledge them, their feelings and learn to work with them. I have found mostly that just doing that, decreases the intensity of their reactions.
Take care and be patient with yourself.

 

[joeylittle]

Have you been diagnosed with DID?

Reading your post, I wasn't sure if by 'parts' you mean aspects or identities.

It's not uncommon to remember more detail/forgotten things once you are actively engaged in relating a memory. It's also not uncommon to feel like you can't speak, when severely stressed (as one often is when processing trauma).

I would not necessarily call it an identity switch, or 'part' taking over.

So, I'm wondering if you are being hijacked, or if you're going through pretty normal things that can metaphorically be called 'parts', but really are just you in different moments in time.

 

[watundah]

See, this is deep and murky with all of the therapeutic parts approaches so I dont know that I want to worry about labels. I do know the loss of speech is directly tied to young trauma and how I reacted then, for what it's worth and the feeling is familiar.

Thanks, @Gia1019 I have about five parts with different stories. I am taking a break from the writing because the sadness was too deep and as a result my anxiety is picking up again because they arent being heard. So I have to find a place different than the one Ive been in in order to move forward with this work. There is a lot of truth, healing and wisdom coming out of it

 

[Muted]

Can you think of anything that would help you keep a foot in the present? Temperature, smell etc.? One of my worst disassociate ever sessions my T. Handed me something and had me search for and name the pieces inside of it... kind of silly, but she leaned in and kept asking me questions about what I saw and it brought me out better than anything else had and the thing I remember most was how safe it felt.

 

[watundah]

It helps when we start discussing my travels or the weather etc and I come bacj around. I want to work with the parts, not let them hijack me
Is that possible?

 

[Sideways]

Totally possible. Just takes a bit of time to get there.

Taking a break from the writing sounds like a good idea. Because just like you, your parts like to feel the joy every now and then as well. Helps the whole of you cope. So if you can think of things that you could do that different parts would enjoy? Buy an icecream for the littles, watch a horror movie for the protector, read some non-fiction for the worker etc.

Grounding. Can't seem to get through a post these days without thinking "grounding would help":rolleyes:

Actually the first step is noticing yourself sliding into a dissociative state: catching it before you go all the way. Your T may have noticed signs that could help you with this. Like I often start tapping my right hand in the air. Eyes getting fixed on an object is common, little things that let you get in with the grounding work.

As you get more communication flowing between the parts, it'll be easier for them to communicate without having to take over completely, and if they do end up fronting, for you to stay aware of what's going on. But using grounding helps this process go smoother.

There is a plant in my T's office that I start describing to myself in my mind, because I dig plants and find them grounding. But if you come back when you talk about the weather, maybe sit so you can see out a window. Then whenever you need, just start describing the weather outside. Out loud? Sure, T's gonna know that we need to pause to get grounded.

Whatever grounding skills you've been finding have worked for you, use them with your T, whenever you notice that the disso is setting in:cool:

 

[watundah]

I know grounding exercises. Putting the brakes on at the onset? Not so much! I will keep on keeping on because it's the only way through! The break has been good.