Sufferer Hiya I Am Just Me

[crimson74]

Hi all

Mmm not sure what to say just I will just write what comes to me

I suffered a home invasion 7 years by 2 people who attacked and sexually assaulted me and I am having a lot off people in my life saying you should be over it by now or why can't I just get on with my life.

At the moment I can't seem to do anything right. My husband still lives in the same house as me but only as my carerer because I can do anything and I am so useless . I can't even step outside most days and when I do it take me having to take Valium just to calm me down enough to do it.

I am Lost and just wish it would all just disappear with me in it and I am scared because every night I go to bed I just wish that I wouldn't wake up the next day just so I didn't have to do it all over again .

I hate feeling this way but I can't seem to fix me.

 

[onesie]

Those people didn't feel the terror that you did. It is not easy to get over something like that. Especially when, you don't have the support you need. I am so sorry for what you went through, and that it has caused you this pain. It's gonna take a lot of facing your fears, and a lot of baby steps, to get past your fear. You say you can't do anything right? It seems to me, that you are being really hard on yourself. You are a survivor, and you deserve to hear that. I wish you better.

 

[mamachick]

Im so sorry. I know what it feels like to want desperately to be fixed and not know how. I hope that you are doing everything that you can, seeking counseling if available to work through this. I have not been able to address issues and they have only gotten worse. Being broke into and sexually assaulted is horrific. People who have not experienced anything like this have no right to judge how long it might take for you to get better. I am amazed that you are living in the same house.

My husband did not protect me from something many years ago. He has never blamed himself. I think somewhere deep down, I think he blames me. It did not happen in my house though. I still love him but can not be with him as a wife. We have been apart for 10 yrs. At least I felt safe in my home, until an assault here 5 years ago. Since then, I am displaced. I hate being in this home but cant move.

I am also useless. I just survive. I think that we have been taught to believe that we are what we produce (income, dinner, personality, etc) but that we think that if we are not making this big contribution, we dont deserve and are less than. That is not true.... It may the greatest challenge of all to not be productive and accept ourselves until we can again.

I hope that day comes soon for you. You deserve to be happy and feel safe.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi and welcome! Can you seek out counseling at this point? I advise finding a trauma therapist. Try to ignore those who say you should be over it. They know not what they say.

 

[franciemarnie]

The people who tell you you should be past this have no understanding of PTSD. Nil. Nothing. Zero. They are literally ignorant.

It's like telling someone whose legs were maimed in a horrific accident but never healed so that they can barely put one foot in front of the other afterwards to stop walking funny, walk normal again, walk like everyone else. It's long enough since the accident so stop it.

You must seek healing solutions. This is not a case of time heals all wounds. Time will not heal it without addressing the trauma energy trapped within. Please get help with a trauma specialist.

And so glad you are here!

 

[crimson74]

Thank you all for your support. I did see a person from victims of crime about 1 month after the incident but all they seem to care about was me getting compensated with money to help me but I didn't care about any money at that stage I just wanted help and said to the person that I didn't want the money and the never contacted me again and that was in 2008. And then I went to see a psychologist in 2011 and they gave me a list of things to do to get better,but I was trying to explain to her I cant even be in a room on my own and she wanted me to start driving again , so I tried and nearly ended up in a accident because my nerves got to me so much that I was sick and it felt like all the colour went out of my face and that I was sweating, so after that everything seem to get worse and worse and I stopped leave the house altogether. So late last year I tried again with some medication that helped me get out of the house for a little bit of a time but this time this psychologist said it was all in head my and I just made it worse by over thinking things and said that I was depressed because I am overweight, and yes I am but I never was until all this happen and I got to the stage where I didnt care how I looked or care about much really and still don't , and then my normal doctor told me to go into hospital to have a rest and break from everything but I cant leave my house and they don't seem to really that its really hard for me.

@brat No I am not in the same house as the attack, sorry I worded it wrong, I Meant Im in the same house as my hubby even though we are not together , My hubby moved me 200ks away from the house but we had to move so fast that the house is so small and the bathroom and toliet and laundry are together and that the kitchen is smaller then a galley on a boat and the 5 of us are all in a 2 bedroom place but this is going to sound strange but I dont care because I had moved away.

And yeah people can be hard because my sister said show us the police reports and doctors reports and then we might believe you and give you the sympathy you desire but I didn't need sympathy I just wanted help so now i don't talk to my mum or dad or brother and sister because they all let me down when I needed them the most

And now I have a 16 year old daughter and Im so over protective Im scared I lose her too but I cant seem to help it :(

I have had this all bottled up for 7 years and its hurts so sorry if i have bothered anyone for this .

 

[onesie]

You are with people that understand, and can relate to where you are at. So, no need to apologize. Sounds like your sister, isn't nice at all. I too, know what it is like to reach out, and get the response like you have. It does hurt, beyond belief. I am so sorry that you feel this. And the psychologist doesn't sound safe either. That's not helping you. Wow. You would think trained professionals would handle this better. I'm glad you, or nobody else was hurt, when you tried to drive. Try not to push your own limits. Baby steps, and taking one day at a time.;)

 

[onesie]

(((((Hugs))))) your story, touched my heart. You are not alone. Find someone that can relate to you, where you are. A support group. Plus, on this forum, there are lots of people that do care.

 

[billie]

Welcome, I wish it was on better terms.

 

[Jezanna]

Nice to meet you. Your sister and my sister should go out for lunch! How horrible to say that. I wonder would you benefit from a service dog so you could get out and feel safe? I had one he helped me a lot.

 

[crimson74]

hiya jezanna what is a service dog?

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum!