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Deleted member 45940
My trauma almost completely took place in the home I currently reside in. However, I was mostly kept in one room during those years. I pretty much never enter that room and if I do, I'm forced to think about the past. All of the other rooms in the house are pretty safe areas with almost no traumatic memories associated with them. I do sometimes get reminded of things when I'm in the kitchen, or in the garage or on the back porch.
That room has gotten better though. It's had all the holes in the walls patched up, and it's been completely emptied. The walls still need to be painted but that's probably going to happen soon.
I wasn't able to move any of the things out of there. Right when I got rid of my abuser (abandoned him at an ER after he tried killing himself for the 4th time), the room was a complete mess. It was like a tornado had gone through it, on top of years worth of mess and clutter. Going into that room freaked me the f*ck out. The first night I was free, I went to the door and started opening it out of habit, and just started shaking and did a sharp inhale the moment I realized what I was doing. Being inside that room made me feel like I was being watched, like something was going to pounce out of the darkness and attack me (he had destroyed the lights). I felt f*cking terrified while the room was still full of reminders, and in the same state it was when he was still beating and raping me daily. Looking at the bed was horrifying in many ways. Even the metal corner of the bed frame had been used to hurt me and break my bones. The bed itself was in very poor shape, sunken in in many places. Most people would see a really shitty bed, but I saw a torture bed.
I couldn't even do any of the cleaning and emptying of that room... other people had to do it for me. Going into that room at all when it was like that would send me into intense panic. Now that it's completely cleared out, I don't panic in it unless I really start looking at things, like patched places in the walls, or the broken doorframe, or the stains on the floor that won't come out. There's a door that still needs to be replaced, that does start sending me to a really bad place when I look at it. A lot of the wood is missing, it has multiple punch holes, and it has marks from a box cutter having been used on it.
I think everyone's on the right track in regards to changing things up. Moving or removing/changing all the furniture, completely clearing it of all reminders, seems to really tone down the difficulty of being in a location where you experienced trauma. IMO another big thing would be changing the lighting. Painting the walls a different color is a really good idea, too.
That room has gotten better though. It's had all the holes in the walls patched up, and it's been completely emptied. The walls still need to be painted but that's probably going to happen soon.
I wasn't able to move any of the things out of there. Right when I got rid of my abuser (abandoned him at an ER after he tried killing himself for the 4th time), the room was a complete mess. It was like a tornado had gone through it, on top of years worth of mess and clutter. Going into that room freaked me the f*ck out. The first night I was free, I went to the door and started opening it out of habit, and just started shaking and did a sharp inhale the moment I realized what I was doing. Being inside that room made me feel like I was being watched, like something was going to pounce out of the darkness and attack me (he had destroyed the lights). I felt f*cking terrified while the room was still full of reminders, and in the same state it was when he was still beating and raping me daily. Looking at the bed was horrifying in many ways. Even the metal corner of the bed frame had been used to hurt me and break my bones. The bed itself was in very poor shape, sunken in in many places. Most people would see a really shitty bed, but I saw a torture bed.
I couldn't even do any of the cleaning and emptying of that room... other people had to do it for me. Going into that room at all when it was like that would send me into intense panic. Now that it's completely cleared out, I don't panic in it unless I really start looking at things, like patched places in the walls, or the broken doorframe, or the stains on the floor that won't come out. There's a door that still needs to be replaced, that does start sending me to a really bad place when I look at it. A lot of the wood is missing, it has multiple punch holes, and it has marks from a box cutter having been used on it.
I think everyone's on the right track in regards to changing things up. Moving or removing/changing all the furniture, completely clearing it of all reminders, seems to really tone down the difficulty of being in a location where you experienced trauma. IMO another big thing would be changing the lighting. Painting the walls a different color is a really good idea, too.
