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[Nanopinky]

I just want to go home. Nowhere feels home anymore. All the things that used to bring me joy doesn't anymore.
I suffered from depression since I was a teenager. I am 36 now. I used to be able to help myself and to control it but now I just can't. I am afraid I will give up one day. I don't want to. I have a responsibility towards my family. I would never hurt them. But I am in so much pain

 

[Deleted member 541]

"Going Home" seems to be a common theme here. I too use this phrase when feeling deeply depressed and suicidal. Depression is so dark, so dismal, so life sucking. The only things that seem to help me, is forcing myself to do the things I don't want to do. Keeping a schedule, therapy when I need it, working, keeping my body and home clean. Just filling my days with the routine of living. Having some sort of support system helps too. Try journaling, it may help too.

 

[Gadgie]

Quote.........."The only things that seem to help me, is forcing myself to do the things I don't want to do. Keeping a schedule,"

That's exactly what I feel I have to do when the darkness comes down upon me? I force myself to keep going, even though my body hurts like Hell, I keep at it.

It's the mind I have to battle with, as that doesn't hurt as much as my body, but still I know it's broken?

 

[benson819]

I use to be able to force myself to do my day to day activities. I had children to take care of. But now I'm paralyzed with panic. I can't leave the house and haven't worked for months. I was always a worker. Typically I would have two or three jobs at a time. For the past six months I haven't been able to do anything.

 

[Deadman]

I just want to go home. Nowhere feels home anymore.

I understand that feeling. My sense of home is gone as well. I'm still fighting to get that back. Its not an easy thing.

I hope you find the strength to continue for your family but most of all for you.

 

[Tinyflame]

I once heard "come home" in my 'mind's ear'. Something I think we all need the feeling or experience or place of, where we can rest, be safe, feel at home, feel loved or accepted, belong, 'be' in peace.

Hang in there. :hug:

 

[Gadgie]

Quote.............".I can't leave the house and haven't worked for months."

I went through all that about eighteen months ago, my depression, confidence and anxiety dropped to rock bottom?

I just couldnt leave the house, and when I forced to, to buy food, (I live alone) I used to physically sick, and get round the supermarket as quick as possible!

I've come a long way since then, I even look forward to getting out of the house now.

In time this will happen to you, it's a battle of wills, but I'm sure you get there soon, good luck.