Homework: Intro As Per Va Therapist Request...

[Shamrocks]

Thank's Jar, Jimmy, and Wagon for the support. It's true that I am ready too start the recovery proccess, but it its gonna be a leap of faith. Im waiting for termination papers from my job any day know. My therapist suggested that I quit anyway and choose another career path. She wants me to use the GI Bill for college. Truth be told I wanted to be a medic, but my recruiter(who was female) said that "chic's are medics". So, she talked me into a different MOS mainly, because it would get me in faster to fill her monthly quota...

Jimmy, as far as fears go, I guess they are really symptoms. Weary of large crowds, being super alert, playing the "what-if/ who's a possible threat" senario before I go outside. and driving. I know the potential of anything bad happening is like 0.00001% and it's all unnatural instinct. My CO told me and my team(before the invasion/liberation) "that we were the tip of the spear", and "command is expecting mass casualties". He also mentioned bodybags with our names on them. That was all in moral boosting brief before the SHTF. He was a douche, but I feel like a ghost these days.

I should've listened to a Sgt who pleaded with me not to seek help otherwise it would be game over.

 

[Wagon]

If you had listened to that Sgt, it really would be game over. These guys who say that trying to help yourself is a sign of weakness or a defect have some serious problems themselves. You know where they end up? At the bottom of a bottle or sucking on the barrel of a shotgun. Big f*cking heroes them.

You know what courage is? Courage is taking those first steps. Courage is admitting to yourself "Hey something might be f*cked up here, I think I'll work on that" Courage is getting out of bed each and every day and fighting this thing we call "The Beast". Courage is failing and still trying.

So all those so called "tough guys" can go stick their head in a toilette. Don't listen to them, They know nothing about being tough. You've made those first steps, so now you're in the fight. This one is the good fight, the one that few in this world really understand. And if they want to down on you for what you are doing. You can send them my way and I'll stick a size 13 up their ass. And that's coming form a so called pansy squid. Hell we got medics and geezers on here that would make them shit their pants just to look at em.

You're doing good man. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

Peace
Wagon

 

[Sarg]

Damn, we need an "applause" button! Good post, Wagon.

Sarg

 

[Tim Cake]

Listen to the Wagon-MASTER.
He has been around this block many many times.
Great post Wagon!

(y) "F*CKIN-A"(y)

 

[guamhaze]

Welcome Sham, I'm new here as well and its a great site. Its great your getting out there and getting help, I just started with the VA process and seeing what works, hope you find what works for you man. Take it easy...
-Peace

 

[Sludge]

The beauty of this format is we mediate ourselves. One can share what one wants to share when and if one feels like sharing, or asking for help and advice. When social interaction is outside the comfort zone, this is the way to roll!

Trust us when we say you are not alone! The beauty of the interwebs is you can be as open or private as you want, without fear of reprisal. For me anyway, the relative anonymity of the forms was one of the big, positive factors that helps my "regular" therapies work. This is free-form, healthy support.

A thread you should check out is the "man-cave" thread on here. When you see what members have posted, you'll see that many of us are anti-social, withdrawn, and in Sarg's case old and grouchy (;)).

I often wonder what a keg party with this crowd would be like: The party to end all parties or a ghost town because the basement is much more comfortable.

Welcome aboard!

 

[Jimmy1]

Jimmy, as far as fears go, I guess they are really symptoms. Weary of large crowds, being super alert, playing the "what-if/ who's a possible threat" senario before I go outside. and driving. I know the potential of anything bad happening is like 0.00001% and it's all unnatural instinct. My CO told me and my team(before the invasion/liberation) "that we were the tip of the spear", and "command is expecting mass casualties". He also mentioned bodybags with our names on them. That was all in moral boosting brief before the SHTF. He was a douche, but I feel like a ghost these days.

I should've listened to a Sgt who pleaded with me not to seek help otherwise it would be game over.

Hey Shamrock,

Mate, your fears are not really fears. Colonel Charles Hogue, author of Once a Warrior, Always a Warrior treats those symptoms as a benefit in a way, you just have to down tune them a bit.
Just think, if some whack job did come running down the street or into a building with a gun, you would be ready.

You will always be wary of large crowds, and always look for the nearest safe exit, and look for threats, but it gets easier. You see, it was drilled into you until you did it naturally, and it saved your life over there most likely, so it's set in concrete. You have been conditioned that way.

For instance, my first military weapon was the 7.62 mm Self Loading Rifle. A beautiful weapon. If you hit something, there was no blood trail. It stayed down.
I have not touched that weapon since 1993, but if you gave me one right now, I could strip and assemble it blindfolded.

All life gets easier with PTSD if you are prepared to work on it and research it. You end up molding your life around it. You won't go to a mall on Christmas eve. If you go to dinner at a club or something, you will choose a seat up the back where you can see the exits and if there isn't one, you will wait. You won't go to fireworks until you are used to them and you do get used to them. And you will find someone who will take you for who you are.

We are here for you too mate.

Any questions, just ask.

 

[Shamrocks]

Thank you guys for your support and it makes me feel good to know that I am not alone. I'm honored and thankful too have found a home here with fellow soldier's that honestly care. Wagon and Jimmy I am speechless... You guys are truely amazing people and your words of wisdom have not fallen on deaf ears. A few years ago I told "someone" at the VA exactly what I shared so far with everyone here and it seemed to go in one ear and out the other.

Civilian's just don't get it I guess, that's why im proud to be here with soldiers that have "been there, done that". In a world chalked full of people that seem to be only concerned with themselves, it's good to know that there are still people that are willing to lend a hand to pull another up that wall. Thank You

(photo from google)

 

[Tim Cake]

Shamrocks -- part of my personal healing process involves talking with other PTSD sufferers and hopefully offering them some help based on my experiences with the "beast". This community helps us realize that we are NOT mental defectives -- we have simply been re-wired by our combat experiences. In short, there seems to be no truly novel ideas -- we stand on each others' shoulders... The combat "buddy system" lives on!

 

[Shamrocks]

I want to say thanks again to all for your help kindness. I emailed the director at the Kansas VA inpatient PTSD center two days ago and requested another chance to attend. Took a few days to get the courage for it, but after reading some of the post's I got, I realized the only thing standing in the way was me. I guess I just needed a kick in the arse. So, I hope to hear something soon, because I am ready to face the "Beast"!

By the way, I have been reading the pdf Let the Healing Begin that was posted by Anthony. I have to say that it has opened my eyes and is helping alot!

Sincerely
Shamrocks

 

[Tim Cake]

Great news! Keep trudging forward -- one step at a time!

 

[Marc St-Louis]

Welcome to the Beast Shamrocks. Listen to Wagon's words and ponder hard on them!!! Then take charge with the docs and learn who and what YOUR Beast is all about... You don't need to go back into someone else's fight when your fight is here for yourself. You've done your time and and now you have found a new unit "US", well have your six if you want us and we'll help you fight too. You want to feel that pointy arrow exhilaration again, then make yourself that pointy arrow and fight back the Beast with the docs at your flanks and us on your six. Believe me, it does get easier
Again, welcome and glad to have ya aboard!
SSM