Homophobia Due To Sexual-abuse

[Ovaze]

In group therapy one guy said he was glad he was sexually abused by the same sex because it showed him his true nature. E...

It's probably good you didn't make the suggestion that the abuse caused him to be homosexual. They would have run you out with pitchforks and torches.

 

[Tovebu]

Id say that you are doing the right thing, education about the error in generalizing an entire group of people die to a s...

Thank you feedback. I felt really confused at many points during the relationship, because I was quite shocked by the stuff she would sometimes say, thinking she was joking, though she wasnt.

So you're interested in this person and hoping to convert them? Sounds like a stroll through futility
Next! (As in keep...

Hmmm, is it really? I can sorta see some progress, though I do not really have a structured approach, more of a "Hey, me not straight and me good" "That person? They also not straight, and they good" Like, just debriefing. Basically, psychologically, the solution I see is more or less the same as deconditioning someone.

I'm confused as to why ALL of the hate cannot be rooted in sexual abuse?

Because I cannot scan her brain, and check every single neural connetion and completely isolate the case. But I can be pretty sure that some of it is rooted in sexual abuse, especially because she told me that some of it was.

Be you. Be kind.

Don't try to change them or psychoanalyze them. That's for a therapist to do.

Accept them for who the...

Well, I've just been thinking about it a lot, and I'm sorta just trying to see what other factors to that there might be, to figure out the best approach. And I guess the reason is because I really care about the person.

 

[Tovebu]

Be you. Be kind.

Don't try to change them or psychoanalyze them. That's for a therapist to do.

Accept them for who the...

Hmm, I wouldn't really set it so B&W. Like, either will or won't? I see it as much more of a gradient.

 

[Tovebu]

It's probably good you didn't make the suggestion that the abuse caused him to be homosexual. They would have run you ou...

Well, there are all sorts of people. I for one do admit that sexual abuse made me bisexual, and that otherwise I'd probably be a standard straight person more or less

In group therapy one guy said he was glad he was sexually abused by the same sex because it showed him his true nature. E...

I'm quite proud of the fact that I don't harbour resentment against the church even though I was abused by a priest, bu...

Exactly.

Let your friend be.

You do not have a right to force her healing.

Actually that would be quite cruel of yo...

I understand what you mean. I understand how you feel. I do not want to seem like some sort of "fixing" person. But like, it's both ways, she sometimes tells me how it's wrong that I'm bisexual, and that she doesn't understand how could anyone be not straight. I'm generally trying to open her mind a bit to it all, but I'm not going forcefully or quickly, very slow process.

I didn't state that homophobia has priority over her healing journey. But I am standing by my words that homophobia is somewhat bad.

And how else would I be changing her than by showing her that it's not all bad?

I'm simply putting this out here because I trust this place for discussion. Though I sometimes phrase my thoughts badly.

@Upufol
No, this is hardly education in a sense of "telling it will have any effect". I am more or less trying to have an impact by repetitive example. So, I'm not sure the word educate is appropriate.

 

[Tovebu]

It seems at times human nature has a tendency to judge all things atleast on an immediate level. From hair color, size,...

She is already aware that I'm bisexual.

It's just a sorta very slow process. Like, I try not to push or anything similar, but more sorta spectate, seeing how her stance is.

And she does know me well. I think I forgot to mention we are in a relationship.

 

[Ahic]

I for one do admit that sexual abuse made me bisexual

it did not make you bisexual, opened your eyes to an underlying attraction of the same sex? perhaps

 

[Idi]

Because of rape and father issue, l have a problem with casusian men especially short casusian men. But try as l might to dismiss it, it's there, etched permanently.

 

[Tovebu]

it did not make you bisexual, opened your eyes to an underlying attraction of the same sex? perhaps

A bit off topic. But can that really be determined surely?

 

[Umu]

Thank you feedback. I felt really confused at many points during the relationship, because I was quite shocked by the s...

This isn't logical. I asked why all of the hate cannot be rooted in sexual abuse and you say because you cannot scan her brain. This answer doesn't even have anything to do with my question.

My question was rhetorical. Because the answer is that YES, all of her hatred can indeed be rooted in the sexual abuse. Knowing the inner workings of her brain is immaterial to whether or not all of the hatred can POSSIBLY be due to sex abuse------the answer is that yes, it is indeed possible for her hatred to 100% be rooted in sex abuse.

I am literal in my word usage and I'm realizing that I interpreted what you said in a literal way but I very much think you misspoke.

 

[Ahic]

Certainly don't feel it is off topic as it was a response in quoting what you wrote.
Though I won't reply as I don't feel it is conducive to have an argument over science/religion.

 

[Tovebu]

This isn't logical. I asked why all of the hate cannot be rooted in sexual abuse and you say because you cannot scan her b...

I may have interpreted it wrongly. It might be possible that all of it is caused by sexual abuse, but we cannot determine with absolute accuracy

 

[Ritiko]

So you are both trying to convert each other and have a friendship based on agendas. Well, you both know it so if it's what you choose to do, it's what you choose to do.

I'm not straight but I don't try to change people's minds about it. If they say they don't understand it, and they seem actually open to listening, then I might talk about it.

I personally don't like making people my project.

If she is one with it and you are ok with it, then continue to dialogue.

But don't stop there.

The level of ruminating you are engaged in about why why why, even when you have been given very real enable and fully adequate why answers form her and other here, is really about you.

Why do you need to dissect this more? Why isn't the reason she has given enough of a reason?

What is it about Her explaination that is such an unacceptable answer to you?

What would be enough of an explaination for her answer?

It is a good dialogue but I think you are getting push back because you take it so far. What if someone asked you why don't you like to have heterosexual sex? And you gave an answer and the other person kept saying yeah, that's part of the reason, but what are the others? Why? And what if they did his with the agenda to try and convince you that being gay was wrong - something you don't agree with.

Do you see how invalidating that can be? It's not that much different than what you are doing with her.

The why's are going to make this ok and ignoring the reasons given aren't going to help you convert her.

I know someone who is a racist. I don't like it I don't support it and we dialouge about it. I know that he had very awful experiences with people of a race and he bought into political ideas that encouraged him to scapegoat a race even more. Knowing all the detailed whys as to how be became a racists doesn't make his racism ok. It allows me to not get so shaken by it, but it doesn't even change how I respond. I just be the good person that I am and I invite him to know others of other races and have different experiences. It's his choice to change his views or not. Not up to me.

And before anyone thinks otherwise, I'm on your side, and I also know what it's like to be on her side and have people approach me as a project, as someone to change, as someone they needed to dissect and understand all the whys and it didn't help me change my viewpoint one bit.

Safe relationships where people held boundaries, accepted me for who I was, and spoke the truth as they saw it in a kind way, and without an agenda --- these people changed my entire being and helped me heal more than all those who tried to change me.