Hope I'll be the last diary I'll ever write

[Givrali]

reading about Ray of the promised neverland again (manga)
I love fics that focus on the very likely huge mental health problems he would get even just before leaving Grace Field
Also he actually killed himself, it's just that Emma caugh the match just in time. He did let it fall to imolate himself after saying he deserves to die for what he has done. He wasn't just ready to kill himself he did it. You can't just immolate yourself and things just get in place because a friend found out you planned to kill yourself and said it to your other one so she can save you and everthing is now fine. It's not how it works

then all the kids he was so resigned to sacrifice to save hs two best friends did almost all survive. How would it feels to basically killed people who care about and decide to let die to at least save two people then seeing you were wrong to sacrifice them because your friends managed to save them ? Wouldn't it feel like you're the worst monstre ? He choose to let them all die but it actually was a way to save them all. Trauma is real.

So busy with that I never even take the time to thing further because it didn't end here.

You can't just go throught it. It would never leave you.

 

[Givrali]

fanart from Hunger games. Almost 100% sure she actually thought it during the first book
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[Givrali]

I only feel alive when I read about fictionnal charater living the worst

 

[Givrali]

well, magically cured by reprocical love again....
it doesn't work this way in the real world

 

[Givrali]

remember now. While I was struggling I learnt my mother tried to kill herself. It seems like I should I knew it at some point according to my father ? But it didn't feel like that. For me I never knew that before and was I was very depressed I learnt it. That... troubled me

 

[Givrali]

Having great trouble reminding which day I'm living lately. Probably because changes in plans and stress

 

[Givrali]

So happy to have my stuff in my own home

 

[Givrali]

Also I'm critically exhausted. It means I'm so exhausted I'm feering my health reactions to it

 

[Givrali]

feeling really bad because anxiety and exhaustation, I'm calling my therapist

 

[Givrali]

Grounding myself isn't working so deny will work it always does

 

[Givrali]

Ok let's talk about the past

 

[Givrali]

Having my first friend was a curious experience