Horrendous Experience, Any Advice Appreciated

[Blondie362]

I haven't seen him for 20 years and I did get an injunction out after he beat me so badly, this is the first time I have seen him since he came out of jail- to see him in my " safe place " has sent me into over load and melt down. In the UK to get an injunction you have to have more than one incident to get it in place, and also to have a power of arrest attached to it.
I am not going back to this building there is another place I go to visit my care coordinator, that is two monutes away from the clinic I go to for CBT.. my therapist said this would cause problems and I should switch days, as his therapist is only there on a Tuesday!!, why do I have to switch?, I like to keep to a routine, let that evil mother.. have to go elsewhere... just unbelievable. 20 years on and we both meet on our own in a CBT reception, no staff there- he was ready to attack me again he was just so outraged, I am going to write a letter of complaint to the authorities about the lack of security , and disregard for my mental well being.

 

[Girl3]

Your therapist is a twit. Having to confront someone enraged who has previously done you harm - you shouldn't have to move or change or step out of the way or even apologize. I live in the US - the rules are different. I have had to be in the same space with one of my rapists. It undoes your equanimity. i wish you all peace and strength.

 

[Girl3]

In fact the more I think about your predicament, the more upset I get. Your therapist is way off base. Having to confront your former attacker in a situation where you feel unsafe IS NOT THERAPEUTIC.

If you are going to change anything - it should be your therapist!

 

[Froggie]

((((Blondie)))), this is so incredible. How horrible it must have been coming face-to-face with your agressor in a safe place. Somebody didn't do their homework... like make sure that they didn,t take one of the patients victimes as a patient. There should be precautions, yes it would be a good idea to file a complaint about this situation as it is definately NOT normal.

 

[lisamarie]

I would just change therapists. First of all, now this psycho knows where you go for therapy. Even if you change appointment days, there's only five days in the week, how hard would it be for him to track you down. And I know for me, just the ANXIETY of knowing there was a POSSIBILITY my abuser would be there would make it difficult for me to go at all, and even more difficult to relax during session.

And let me also say, that as someone who works in human services.....they technically can't tell you when his appointments are, that's breaking HIPPA law. So there is really no guarantee that you will have appointments on different days, because they aren't even supposed to acknowledge that he is in treatment at all. Someone can correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[Srain]

It truly doesn't matter to a Survivor if it's been 20yrs or 20 minutes...an abuser is an abuser is an abuser...and if your tdoc thinks that while you are in the midst of intense therapy you should just face it WHILE being threatened by the same abuser then there is something terribly wrong with this treatment.

I don't much care what he is in there for he threatened you. That's pretty clear cut. He has a record and conviction. He has a clear history. It's times like this that it's pretty clear where the disconnect is.

Main concern: your safety. I would certainly check out a victim's alliance or advocate and see if you can't find some additional help.

peace,
Rain

 

[PTSD sufferer]

I think part of the problem guys, is that Blondie does not have any other treatment centers near her. If this wasn't the case I would agree with you all that she should find a new therapist and center too. Even if it meant driving for an hour a week to get there and back.

I don't even want to suggest that you give up therapy. I think it is important and you need to continue, particularly, as you have made a lot of progress and you are now going through a tough time with this horrid encounter. You're in a real dilemma Blondie. I wish I had a simple, all encompassing answer for you. I really wish I did.

 

[Girl3]

Can you get a strong friend or two to accompany you to therapy and back? Or hire members of the local football team to play bodyguard? I'm serious.

When the grad student he nearly beat me to death in 1981 was still allowed to attend classes even though it took me a week to get out of the hospital - members of the college hockey team escorted me to and from class for a month until the grad student was finally dismissed from the masters program he was in.

 

[Blondie362]

Thank you for your input, I think my main issue is, that even if i got an escort to and from therapy, the fact is its reignited major flash backs, and seeing him walking in to the clinic and then threatening me again has just added another, and i will replay that before i even start my session. i agree that my therapists attitude was way off base, and i am so surprised that she seemed changing my day would solve the issue, ptsd is all about dealing with the past and grounding yourself in the here and now, how i am supposed to do that from hereonin, i really don't know. There isn't another CBT clinic to go to within my mental health sector.

 

[Girl3]

I wish you had more options. I wish you strength in dealing with this.

 

[olaja]

Katye, I am so sorry to read what has happened. It breaks my heart to read it. I wish feelings of safety for you.

I went into hiding for years to avoid my abusers, and they went out of their way to find me. They approached me on the street near my home. (I always carry a $20 dollar bill and my cell phone in case of emergencies like this, so I could get as far away as possible.) My home did not feel safe again after this. So, I know the devastation of having a safe haven ripped from you.

I can only imagine how betrayed you feel by your therapist, and trapped by your lack of options.

Please keep up updated about what is happening.

 

[Blondie362]

Hello Everyone
Thank you for your posts, its really good to hear the advice and comments from fellow PTSD sufferers and how you would deal with this. I have decided I am not going back to the clinic, they will have to sort out an alternative venue. I havn't dodged this maniac for 22 years - to end up on a concrete slab because the mental health service couldn't get their act together.

I am also making an official complaint to the chief exec of the mental health services, one thing I didn't put down in my first post ( there was so much to write) was when there wasn't anyone about I staggered into the office of another therapist just because I heard a voice.. I was crying shaking and hyperventilating, this person was on the phone, I tried to tell her about my ex being outside in the corridor and she carried on talking on the phone, never helped nor follow me to see what was happening or to see if I was ok, I now have her name and have made a complaint about her behaviour, she could have offered me sanctuary in her office, and chose to ignore my plight, so fundamentally because she disregarded me, it really was an instrumental action on her half that made me have to go and face him, as I had to get back to the main door to get out, as it turned out I couldn't and she was also the same therapist that came out when I flipped and told me to keep quiet as sessions were in progress!! oh its does get better.