How Abuse And Trauma Effects "self"

[mamachick]

soul-I suppose we all have those people in our life that does not get it, just smile and be happy right. I find that the more I accept the reality of my self pity party, the more I am able to laugh genuinely, and feel the good feelings that I have. I can appreciate was is really good much better than when I have needed to pretend for others. What she doesnt know won't hurt her -sorry for your cousins loss. You do know it is her loss.

Does early retirement mean that you only get a percentage of your retirement? Given the economy, I am grateful to have any income. Unfortunately, I do not have a retirement because I stayed at home with kids for so many years. Im still glad I did that, those were my calm years without symptoms.

 

[soulofLC]

Yes, it is her loss. I know that. We were close, but she betrayed me, not only by not trying to understand what I was dealing with; she was also talking about me to my brother, who is the bain of my existence. (Younger brother has almost surpased my first husband, which is a pretty bad place to be on my s__t list.)

I am not sure what the early retirement means. My understanding is that I will only get a portion of what I would if I waited until 66, which for my age group, is the new magic number. I don't know if it is because you keep paying into the system that you get more, of if they dock you for taking it early. I need to find out.

I also have heard that you can apply for homemaker credit for the years you stayed home with your children. That could help you add some to your pot of $$$$. I also stayed home with mine, till my oldest was 10. Then I had to get out of my marrage or go crazy. But that is another thing on my list to apply for.

Yes, those years, while turbulent with their dad, were good times with them for the most part. I am glad to have had them too. I wish they could have been more peaceful, however!

 

[soulofLC]

I wish I had something to look back on, to compare now to. Unfortunately, I've had an extremely negative sense of self since I can remember (years of reinforcement will do that...). Makes it hard to try to counter or even realize I'm doing it."

When I look back, I was invisible in my family. Where I got the self esteem that I had (underline had) was that I loved school and music. I was positively emersed in those parts of my life. My interests saved me and gave me a sense of accomplishment.

I think my self esteem is based on my that, not on any thing I got from my family. My mother did support my interest in music, which did help a great deal. But at the same time, she was living her life through me. She always wanted formal training, but her family couldn't afford it. So when I gave up music for the visual arts, she was not so supportive.

Now that I have lost my voice (my art) through the things that have happened, my self esteem is very bad. I think it was a slow process of loss, ultimately resulting in where I am now.

I do have a great deal of negative input to deal with about myself from parents and brothers. I was the blacksheep, the different one. In my family, it was not OK to be different. And I am still the odd one out, very very out and very odd to them, as they are to me. It is still hard; I would love to have some support at this time in my life. I long for it...but I know in my heart it will always be as it is.

Mood disorders are also not tolerated or acknowledged in my family, even as this very same elephant sits in the room for several, perhaps all, of those in my family. Yes, they, the purported "normal" ones. Ho ho!