Poll How Are Your Relationships With Your Family As A Result Of Your Trauma?

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Marie)))))

 

[mamachick]

I have basically severed all contact. My parents are deceased but I have three sisters. They are all quite critical and create drama and discord. They would put unrealistic expectations on my until I had enough. I use to allow their treatment and put those expectations on myself so I guess I had it coming, but as much as I tried to break it-I could not, so I left it at.....chow.

 

[Sunshine71]

I have found that family are scared and do not know what to so.

Hubby's sister seems to think that 'we are the only ones with problems' - tore up photographs of us and our son with a horrible letter and posted them through our letter box.

Great.

This brought back hubbies sleepwalking after weeks / months of it not happening.

His mum doesnt understand and my family seem a little more understanding although no one does anything to help.

Maybe an invite to dinner and thats great and appreciated but no talking about things- perhaps they think it will make it work - or they have enough to be dealing with anyway.

Sunshine

 

[windwoman]

I feel so fortunate that the majority of my family is very supportive. I have siblings that just aren't sure what to say, so they say very little about where I am now. But I feel their love and concern.

My children are amazing. While I'm going through the process of applying for disability, my sons help financially (but can't handle when mom can't do anything but cry). My daughter will listen and cry with me. My grandson gives me hugs so I can feel better.

 

[Orsino]

Its been quite difficult over the past few years though I think its been easier since i've been diagnosed. Before i was diagnosed my parents had no idea what was going on with me. I'd gone from a very quiet child to a teenager that would throw furniture, become aggressive and well.. I just wasn't the person i was.

Since i've had the help i feel somewhat like i used to, obviously theres been quite a lot of changes and I feel I do have the support I need from them however i can tell theres still some periods that they can't really cope with it.

My fiancee has been incredibly supportive of me and I think in some respects shes helped me come out of my shell a lot more than i was used to. Previous girlfriends have tried to repress the fact I had PTSD and were not very forthcoming with help when i needed it. I can understand why it is sometimes easier to block out what you don't understand but in the long run it really damaged some things. I feel extremely fortunate that i've found my fiancee and how much she tries to understand just how much i'm going through.

So overall yes i would say the majority of my family is very forthcoming with help and support.

 

[john1963]

I have lost my family, my marriage, my kids, friends, carrer, and most of all my mind to this PTSD.

I have been homeless, broke, angry man walking the streets getting into trouble. My rage gave me a heart attack at the age of 46 with a bow flex body.

I had to take the bus home from the hosipital after my heart attack.

Never invited to any family gatherings, and i live in the same city as my brothers, sister, and parents.

My Dad died May 1, 2011 with his loving family by his side, I found out the next day on facebook. Then i put salt in my wounds my brother told me not to show up at Dads funeral or i would be removed by the Police.

I have 3 kids, and only see my oldest daughter. My son has not talked to me in 3 1/2 years. we were best of buddies. He hates my guts, and my baby girl never calls me. I see her a few times a year, or get a text on my birthday. That hurts me so deep i think it's slowly killing me like cancer growing in silience for years.

The sad part of these stories is that I'm not alone. Stats say 60% of families fall a part.

Just to understand that alone makes the days better now, and thanks for the others that post there crap, as pain full as it is. Your words are helping to heal, and easy my pain.

Thanks Forum

 

[mamachick]

John I am sorry for all of your losses. For some, it seems too hard to accept that we are not able to pull ourselves up by the bootstrapts and overcome what seems to run through our blood. Some are unwilling to forgive and seem to hold on to every thing we have ever done.

Personally, I have been very manipulated by much of my family and dont have the energy to play those games. I have allowed myself to be a scapegoat, so I figure that without being in their life, they can find another reason for their unhappiness. Also, they embelish stories and someone is always suffering some disease and about to die, yet nobody has, and when I opt out on spreading the word and hysteria, I am considered cold and uncaring. When the truth is that when someone has actually been sick and /or suffering, I have been compassionate to the point of expense to my own health.

I miss my family sometimes, and keep them in a place in my heart. I hold on to the good memories, and try to remember that the resentment is an illusion of their pain that has been unresolved. I remind myself that there are only two real actions/behaviors, those done out of love and those done out of fear. The good memories are always rooted in love, the resentments and scapegoating have been done out of fear. My own bad behaviors have come from fear, and that is the only thing that I can have control of and change. So I try to respond to others out of love, and catch myself when I start to respond with fear. It makes life very simple.

I examine my actions, thoughts, beliefs, love or fear, as that is all there really is. Everything else is just an illusion. The hurts done to me have always been out of fear, and knowing that allows me to be forgiving for almost all injustices, some taking longer to forgive. forgiving does not mean that I want these fearful people in my life, as self preservation requires love, as fear causes self sabatoge.

My youngest daughter married a mormon 3 years ago, and I have not seen or heard from her in all that time. Her husband does not allow her to communicate with me or her two sisters, as he thinks non mormon women are evil. He lives in fear. My daughter fears disobeying his wishes. I send her a letter once or twice a year and let her know that I love and miss her, but do not put pressure on her. Deep inside I am confident that she will overcome her fear at some point. That is comforting to me.

You are not alone, none of us are. God Bless

 

[Helliepig]

I keep hoping one day to rekindle something with my family...except they will not have changed and so I am wondering why I want to bother

 

[Lara C.]

As a result of a recent thread I created, I was curious to see where most people stand on the issue of family relationships...

I don't know how I would have survived without my family... although I do know what its like to have them not understand. My father (who doesn't really know what I've been through - I haven't told him I have PTSD) made some very cynical comments about how people claim to have PTSD. In the olden days I guess people were tougher... or maybe heartless. If someone was traumatized -- they were supposed to just get over it.

 

[intothelight]

Domestic violence left myself and four children in various stages of shambles. Caused a huge break with the oldest, and the only boy, as he felt that his father deserved leniency in sentencing which hurt his sisters and myself to the core. The events of the past two years and my PTSD have left my marriage hanging by a thread.

But I am holding out the hope that communication, understanding, counseling and love will assist us all in recovery, healing, and reconciliation. None of this happened overnight, so it will not be healed overnight.

 

[mamachick]

I tried that rekindling a couple of times and found that doing the same thing and hoping for a different outcome was insane for me. I just hoped I guess. The last time I tried, my sister (12 yrs older) told me she has always resented me for treating her more like a mother than a sister, and on and on and on. She was given custody of me when I was 14 since our mother was an alcoholic. With the age difference and the family dynamics, she has always tried to tell me what to do and how to live. When it has not worked, it has been a setback for me, a real sense of abandonment. (you can feel abandon even with contact) I am sure there are families in which re-uniting can work. Just not mine.

Lara you are so lucky to have that. There is nothing that I would love more than to be part of a family. So much so that I had a hard time leaving an abusive marriage because of my sense of being part of the family, and I had been close with sister in laws particularly. Im sorry that some are not real sensative to ptsd, but I do think they have just been taught that way.

 

[mamachick]

(((intothelight)))
There is always hope, and you have that. Hang in there.