Poll How Are Your Relationships With Your Family As A Result Of Your Trauma?

[Estacia]

I am estranged from my brother and sister for sixteen years. I deal with it. My sister tried to kill me. I have the scar on my left wrist. So I get to think of her more often the I like to. Life does go on. I however would not shut the door in her face if she knocked.

 

[MissMacD]

I wish I had more support, but I don't need abusers to support me and no longer want that for myself either.

Can so relate to this feeling of not having enough support. I have a huge family so being out of contact with most of them is really difficult. I think it's years of pent up neglect from not having anybody there to take care of me. I have some relatives that I would contact if I went home but I don't bother because they always bring up the family that I don't contact and don't understand how hurtful it is to discuss those relationships that I have worked so hard to turn the page on.

It's funny though that if someone I care about is in a pickle I am a rock for them. Although a lot of my trauma has made me really weak at times it has made me strong like a fortress too.

Just because you are blood related doesn't mean you are bound to a relationship with them.

 

[InHell11]

Kinda rocky, I am not really conflicting with anyone too much and do my best to get along with everyone. But yeah even though my family loves me they still don't get it.....so there is that distance. Basically they know I have PTSD and other issues and that they make things rather difficult which is all good and fine. Then much of the time when I actually exhibit the symptoms they are great at saying the wrong things and aggravating the situation further.

Or they mistake my talking about my problems as trying to indicate I have it worse than everyone else in the world which I don't get since that thought has never crossed my mind. So as a result I end up just keeping quiet, avoiding people or acting like I'm 'ok' just so I don't bother anyone.

 

[Hiding the Pain]

I tried to have a civil relationship with my mother (one of my Abusers) for the sake of keeping my grandma happy. Grandma was the one who saved me. She didn't know the whole story behind my injuries and fear, but I would never had told her. She couldn't have handled it. I lost her in May and that was the last time I talked to my biological mother and anyone in that family. One for the abuse they inflicted on my grandma at the end and the other because When she came to the hospital she was so high that she fell on grandma in her hospital bed. It turned into a huge fight and the hospital security had to escort her from the hospital. I can't and wont acknowledge her for anything but the monster who put me here. She tries to txt me or use other family to contact me. She even tries to guilt me into talking to her. I don't reply to any of it. And I think if she did show I would call the police. She is a violent person when she doesn't get her way. And I am in no condition to handle a volatile situation right now.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I know I already posted on this thread, but my relationships are lousy. My family is so toxic. I hste who I am when I am around them. They really know how to push my buttons. They set me off. I hate who I am around them. I cannot seem to keep stable around them.

It is very sad and tragic. It is lonely without them but I am better off. I am just venting do not mind me.

 

[Resilientbibliophile]

I suspect for most of us that the way forward is to embrace the concept of found family; i.e. those not of blood origin that can satisfy our reasoned and legitimate need to belong to something, to honor ourselves, to afford love and to receive it even as our own families have fallen short in this regard. In short, we can undertake the labor-intensive aspect of finding mentors and friends who we might otherwise have desired to be our parents and siblings. Not all family epics can end happily - and yet for this said life needn't end.

I wish it were different for me, and by extension I wish it were different for those who would read this post. My family chooses to deny, deny, deny for this is their habit, this is their nature. Healing and growth will for myself not come for regenerating qualities of relation and support that were never there. For saying this, such does not invalidate the need to secure love and support from other quarters. Thanks...

M.K.

 

[aka]

For me it depends on the family member. My siblings are consumed with there own lives and don't really care. This could also be because they are all younger and of the opposite sex.:rolleyes: My parents are supportive when they not busy with my younger siblings antics. Extended family such as aunts, uncles, and cousins don't really know me mostly because most live in other states so can't be of any support. My worse family member is my grandmother who thinks she knows everything and loves to use guilt as a method of manipulation. She sent me into a panic attack last Christmas because she wanted a picture of the family in front of a church nativity scene (churches in general are a major trigger). So in the end I voted rocky.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm through the worst of my PTSD in terms of being quite a long ways ahead through years of therapy. There was a time when I was homeless and none of them would take me in. These days they will not do anything to help us all get together, I'm here several states away and they don't visit. Nor do they attempt to help me visit them (they would need to buy my plane ticket as I am poor. They on the other hand have plenty of $$$, though they try to deny it.

However, when we talk by phone they say they love me and they do seem to care, just from a distance. At first I had a real problem dealing with this arrangement, but as time has passed, I feel less and less of a desire to see them in person. I have my life, simple and poor as it is and they have theirs, full of huge expenses they are always complaining about.

Such is life; it takes all kinds!

 

[who am i kim]

I put rocky as much I would love to cut ties with my mother as she is the one that causes me problems it would hurt dad

I have a husband and adult children that support me but as to my parents my mum she is in denial that there is anything wrong with her daughter and i am deaf too. she buries that one too. she will never acknowledge that I am ill or as deaf as I am, dad knows and understands but does not rock the boat with mum

 

[EFPA]

I come from a Narcissistic family. My mother, the Covert Narcissist, my brother and sister the Golden Children, and my Father The Doormat who will defend my Mother to no end for the sake of the marriage and keeping the peace even at the detriment of his own morals and beliefs.Then there's me. For reasons I never understood, the hated one...the scapegoat.

For years , and to my own detriment I worked to have a better relationship with them. For years I believed I was the pathetic, worthless, fat, stupid, delusional piece of crap they always told me I was.

Then one day, I realized I needed to protect myself from their abuse and future Trauma at their hands. Distance unfortunately did not keep me safe. My mother and those others who also suffer from NPD have been known to sabatage those they feel threatened by or feel envious of.

I experienced sabatage at my NPD Mothers hands many times in my life, but her last attempt nearly cost me my life.

It wasn't easy and it is hard for people to understand and withhold their judgements, but a No Contact Rule is the safest and best thing for me to do. Especially if I want a full recovery and to keep myself safe and healthy.

 

[MissMacD]

I have no contact with my mother, father or biological sister.

I tried out having a relationship with my sister again a few days ago and it turned into a hot mess. She is not very mentally healthy and I don't think it's a good situation for either of us. Glad I got away from that situation before it turned sour.

 

[jocko]

I don't know, its always been kind of empty with my family, I just spiraled off into my own nightmare world and never knew what the problem was until now. My parents split up when I was 11 and then my mental problems really took off I think; it was already shaky. I didn't get along with or know my sister (still don't, she has her own family now) so there was only my mom around which just messed me up more because I was so isolated and alone, I couldn't make relationships stick with people my age, I was retarded and delayed and everything just snowballed. But mom was always around...I feel gross now seeing how messed up that all was. I'm only starting to know my dad, my mom had to die for me to get away from her but the very same year my grandfather died then the next my uncle died too then the next my grandmother went....I feel lost, its just been one thing after another but I guess that's life. My dad and sister help as much as they can but they are like acquaintances.