Sexual Assault How Can I Deal?

[Bella22]

Hi i'm 15 and was sexually assaulted by a family member at a young age. This haunted me through my first 3 years of primary school. Constant flashbacks, nightmares, shaking, anxiety, anger outburst and my inability to let people really get to know me. The flashbacks have been replaced by feeling i can just feel it start to happen out of the blue, like it's happening again. Vivid nightmares and the inability to sleep, I get depressed and sad and angry. I talked to a therapist when i was younger and that temporarily worked. I tried to again recently but it made me feel worse then ever. I can't trust anyone and it scares me to be around guys especially ones who i know have intentions of dating. It's getting worse and I can't fix it and nobody close understand because I am so young though i feel old. Please help me in some way. I also have a severe case of social anxiety when i go out and sometimes it causes mini panic attacks when i go to the shops

 

[seedling]

Welcome to the forum!
I'm sorry that your symptoms have started up so strongly again.
It may be that your earlier therapy helped you get what you needed at that time and you've coped well on that until now.
It seems like you may be facing this again because you are entering a time of life when many of your peers are becoming sexually active.
Take good care of yourself and be patient. You can heal, it will take time and work. Work on strategies that will help you keep from being retraumatized by dating pressures.
You can get good therapy again, I would suggest looking for a trauma therapist - someone who is specifically experienced in helping people with trauma.
Therapy can make symptoms worse in the beginning but a good therapist will be there for you and teach you how to cope. Do you have support at home with your parents?

You will find lots of support here and lots of information. There is a lot to read. Hang in there!

 

[The Albatross]

Got a library card and a library nearby? One of my havens when I was your age was the library. I read extensively either there or in a public park with library books... occasional fiction but mostly about the problems I was having. I had a psychology teacher in high school who assisted me with this. He taught me that education was the best way to counter anxiety. Any chance you can set up a meeting with your counselor? I was literally mentored through to graduation for the last two years of high school independently of my family.

 

[RussH]

Hi Bella22. First I am sorry that this happened to you. No lady should have to put up with the humiliation and trauma of being raped.

You mentioned that when you started therapy the second time it seemed to get worse. Many times that will happen. As you are in therapy it brings up memories and feelings that you seem to relive over and over again, but this is one way your mind starts reconciling the trauma, and helps you deal with it.

If you go back to the therapist, ask them about this, and what you can expect. It will help you.

 

[Bella22]

Thank you so much for your help. Yes, i do have a library in walking distance. I also own a lot of books myself. I will do that this week

 

[Bella22]

Hi RussH when i went there they seem more concerned in stopping my anxiety and let me go even when it was at it's worst. Thank you for your help.

 

[bluebird]

Hi, Bella, I went through similar experiences and I am very sorry someone hurt you. I undestand how you feel. I am glad you went to see a therapist now, I think talking to her/him could be very beneficial for you. Does anyone close to you know about the problems you are dealing with? To me, having friends I coud trust, somebody to talk to when I was sad, without having to explain why, was very important. I also think reading some books about that topic sounds like a great idea, especially if you are a book person.

I can relate to what you describe, when I was younger, I didn´t want to talk to guys who were not younger or dating someone else... I do believe these are things that can be dealt with, things you can work on with a skilled trauma terapist. Please, do not be afraid... You are a wonderful girl and you deserve to be with someone who will love you with all his heart. Being in a relationship does not mean you will be hurt again. Now I am with a good man, who loves me and respects me. Getting closer was not easy for us, but he has always been very patient and caring and we learned to handle my anxiety and fear of being touched together.

Sorry to hear you have have nightmares - maybe you could try to make yourself as comfortable as you can, before you go to sleep, light a candle with the smell of your favourite flower, play some music you like, get some lovely stuffed animals - that´s the most important part, some times ;) or a cat to sleep with you... Perhaps write yourself a note about being safe to read when you wake up from a bad dream...
¨
Good luck to you! Take care.

 

[Bella22]

Thank you so much bluebird i really appreciate talking to someone who has been through something similar although I am not happy you had to deal with the experiance when I know how hard it is. My mum does but doesn't really know what to do and i never let her see or know how i feel because i don't won't her to blame herself. I did also tell me closest friend who also doesn't know how to deal or approach the subject. I will defintley try the sleeping tips you gave me. I am extremely thankful for your empathy and advice. It doesn't help that i am still in contact with the person who did the indiscretions.

 

[ghotiff]

I'm glad you have found this forum. There are a lot of us here that have lived childhood sexual abuse so you are definitely not alone here.

I found dating, and that dating era difficult so it would make a lot of sense to me that your symptoms have increased for now.

I'm not sure if this is helpful, but once I understood and respected my needs around dating (mainly boundaries and safety) it became much easier to find and connect to the right boys for me, I then married the best one and we have built a great life together.

 

[Bella22]

Ghotiff I did find this very useful and I than you greatly. I am so happy and relieved to have found this website in general

 

[ghotiff]

I've been wondering what I could write that might help...

The biggest thing that has helped me is self compassion and self soothing. Such simple concepts but I am still learning how to "use" them effectively. Do you know how to self sooth? Can you recognize your anxiety/stress building before it explodes? These were big things for me to learn.

Ps I'm 40ish by the way, so if I come off with a mothering tone, please forgive me, I remember being 15 and I remember how much I struggled with this stuff, I genuinely only wish to help if I can.

 

[bluebird]

(Doubble post, sorry) :)