How Can You Meet Someone When You Don't Like Being Around People?

[Rizen]

I feel like I'll never meet anyone. A large part is my chronic insomnia; I'm literally surrounded by darkness most of my waking life. But PTSD makes it even harder. I don't relate to people and am the lonely in a crowd type; I feel warn out and mildly depressed just from being around people even when it's not a bad situation.

It's really hard to meet people in their 20s when I can't go to collage and don't drink or smoke pot. This sounds weird but it seems that those are the social meeting activities (I'm in Colorado where pot's legal, btw). I never know when I'll be able to sleep so things like meetups don't work out for me at all.

In general, I don't like human nature. I can like people as individuals but I find human nature to be shallow, self centered and weak (or worse). Maybe I'm just cynical. I find not trusting people to be a good course of action and it has been the way to go in the past but it's hard to find someone to date or be my friend.

I've never been with anyone. I never got to be a normal teenager or adolescent; I was taking care of my family, 2 of which died. My friends drifted apart after high school. And I had several years when I was extremely depressed.

It makes me mad that other people had everything so damn easy. I imagine other people with PTSD might also feel this way :(

But then again, loneliness wears me out and haunts me in the night. I'm naturally introverted and extremely depressed and those don't help at all. I know there are good people out their but I'm just not finding any means of meeting people that works and it feels more hopeless every time.

I used to feel like R.E.M.'s Aftermath song "and you close your eyes, he's not coming back, so you work it out, over-feed the cat and the plants are dry and they need to drink so you do your best and you flood the sink. Sit down in the kitchen and cry: (the forum won't let me post youtube links so search on youtube if you want to hear these songs)

And now I feel like that line in R.E.M.'s song Sad Professor, "everybody hates a sad professor; I hate where I wound up."

I've been fighting and fighting to survive and keep people alive for years and what do I have to show for it? Everything gets more hopeless and lonely. I have this fear that once my mom dies I'll end up completely alone in the dark and kill myself if I can't find other people.

 

[ghotiff]

You are not alone here if that helps :)

 

[marylouise]

Do you like animals? A cat or dog can be a great friend.

 

[Philippa]

I have a cat, which solves that problem for me. But I do miss having human friends as well, and the rare ones I consider to be friends are either too far away or always busy with university, so it's hard.

I generally rely on people I've met in the community inviting me to parties, or events via facebook. I'm not that social though so it makes it difficult. I feel the same way about humans. We are still human though, and therefore social to some degree.

 

[Hashi]

I never know when I'll be able to sleep so things like meetups don't work out for me at all.

I'm not really clear what you mean. Do you mean you can't make arrangements with people in advance and keep to them?

Suppose you were able to meet some people and you liked each other. Could you say what that would look like? How often would you like to meet or be in contact, what sort of things would you talk about, what sort of things would you do together? I know this is only in imagination, but if someone could wave a magic wand and get you connected to some people, what would be the ideal scenario for your relationship with them?

 

[The Albatross]

A lot of the initial post is the awareness for a need to initiate change. What do I want more? Do I want to cling to the belief that "I don't like people" even in the face of losing connections? Or, do I want to risk taking the actions necessary to establish contact with someone or a few people?

Recognizing that you are not forming new connections to replace those that you've lost and are facing losing is coming at an opportune time Rizen.

 

[jmni]

I remember feeling very depressed in my 20s because I felt this way. It is also just boring. One suggestion is that its a great time to work on hobbies. For example, learn an instrument or a language. Since you have all of this time you may as well put it to good use and do something that might benefit you. I agree with you about human nature but for the most part most of the people you meet would be acquaintances. It is really better to stay away from pot smokers anyway. I don't have a any particular problem with marijuana but heavy use is just escapism and most heavy users have issues. You probably want to avoid "hippies" and "frat" types. One thing you could do is to join a youth's religious organization. They are usually people who prefer to have guidance in their lives and by the time their in their twenties its probably not going to be anyone who's there against their will.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Wait, why are you surrounded by darkness most of your WAKING life?!?!?! As someone who has been through treatment with a sleep doctor, this sort of peaks my interest and I'd like to know more about what's going on. Thanks.

 

[Rizen]

Do I want to cling to the belief that "I don't like people" even in the face of losing connections?

Not everyone is a people person. We can't just choose to like people or not.

One thing you could do is to join a youth's religious organization.

Or, do I want to risk taking the actions necessary to establish contact with someone or a few people?

Recognizing that you are not forming new connections to replace those that you've lost and are facing losing is coming at an opportune time Rizen.

@ both quotes:
Well I have tried several things including a church young adult group but they were too touchy-feely and I'm not comfortable sharing my feelings and holding hands with a group of strangers.

I've tried the meetup website but even though only a handful of people signed up, more than double that amount of people showed up so everyone ended up crammed into a tiny table in a loud restaurant. That was not a good situation and I ended up extremely depressed.

I sometimes go to video gaming events but rarely can because my sleep.

I tried a single's hike group but most people were much older than me.

I have joined other groups too but everyone ended up being more than twice my age. I stayed in one for a long time but it eventually broke up.

So it's not like I haven't "risked taking the actions necessary to establish contact with someone."

Do you like animals? A cat or dog can be a great friend.

Yeah, I like cats. I'm going to take care of my Grandmother's cat when she no longer can but for now I can't get a pet. Good advice though :)

One suggestion is that its a great time to work on hobbies. For example, learn an instrument or a language. Since you have all of this time you may as well put it to good use and do something that might benefit you.

I do write, draw, work on photoshop and walk. Hobbies can be a really good thing. I hate when some days I can't make myself do anything creative or anything because depression and PTSD. I'll have a clipboard, pencil and paper on my lap or my story out and not be able to do anything :(

I agree hobbies are a good thing but they don't help loneliness :(

I'm not really clear what you mean. Do you mean you can't make arrangements with people in advance and keep to them?

Wait, why are you surrounded by darkness most of your WAKING life?!?!?! As someone who has been through treatment with a sleep doctor, this sort of peaks my interest and I'd like to know more about what's going on. Thanks.

@ both:
I literally never know when I'll get sleep. I can go over 24 hours without sleep, lay down and not sleep at all. I sometimes will sleep for an hour and a half, wake up and be wide awake for eight more hours. Dreams don't help either; I hate sleeping. I'm hypervigilant and can wake up like it's an air raid from slight things. I have been resting down in a basement during a family get together and woken up because I heard someone upstairs say they should go down and wake me because it's time to go.

A very large part of my life ends up being when everyone is asleep in the middle of the night. I have a special light that supposedly creates sun like rays for those times.

I've tried countless medications, sleep studies, laying in bed with the light off for hours, listening to music, not having electronics in my room, exercising and nothing works.

I hate having to get up and do something when I'm running on almost no sleep. I'm not myself and have no energy. Somethings force me to get up and go with no sleep but I don't like it.


Thanks for the replies. Complex PTSD, chronic insomnia and depression are a terrible mix.

 

[ghotiff]

I hate when some days I can't make myself do anything creative or anything because depression and PTSD. I'll have a clipboard, pencil and paper on my lap or my story out and not be able to do anything

In another thread someone mentioned zentangles....so I looked them up. They really work for me because I find them relaxing and you can do them even when you have no artistic inspiration/strength in the moment.

 

[Hashi]

@Rizen, if you feel like responding to it I'm still interested to know what would be your "ideal" type of contact/connection.

Suppose you were able to meet some people and you liked each other. Could you say what that would look like? How often would you like to meet or be in contact, what sort of things would you talk about, what sort of things would you do together?

 

[jmni]

It is hard to meet your "type" of person in your 20s. What kind of people did you like to be around before you were diagnosed?